


Limitless Love

by strawberryrefreshers



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 79,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryrefreshers/pseuds/strawberryrefreshers
Summary: Equestria Evans. A name everyone soon know. A name that would go down in wizarding history. a name Draco Malfoy couldn’t get out of his head.He’s the boy who seems to have everything. She’s the girl who has nothing.Draco Malfoy x OC slowburn friends to lovers.best rankings:#3 in #malfoy#6 in #dracomalfoy#7 in #fanfiction
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

~introduction~

hello readers!

this book was originally posted on wattpad, but i’ve decided to put it here too. please be patient, as i am still trying to figure out how AO3 works. i will be rewriting some of the chapters before posting them, so i anticipate the entire book will be on here soon, but not instantly.

message me if you have any questions at all, wattpad is strawberryrefreshers!

all the love  
M.D.


	2. ~prologue~

Life isn't fair. We've all heard that from a very young age. The universe can pick and choose favorites, only dealing out fair hands to some, and particularly bad ones to other more unfortunate souls, But, life had been especially unfair to Equestria Evans. She lost her parents before she could talk, having no proper memory of them or any semblance of family at all. Her brother by blood had no idea she existed. And she was taken by the Dark Lord and raised knowing only death eaters and blood purity. Incredibly unfair. 

Equestria 

I looked up from the Slytherin table as all the new first years flooded into the hall, chattering echoing throughout the wide room. My eyes locked on a certain platinum blond boy I recognized. That was Lucious Malfoy's son. I didn't know his name, but I'd seen him around when I'd been bounced between houses in my own youth. He was cute, in a boyish way, almost in the same way a puppy would be. I looked back down at my lap and fiddled with my simple golden ring that adorned my fourth finger. Nobody knew about it, but it was the only thing I had left of my parents. It had been my mother's, or at least apparently so, not that I had any recollection whatsoever. I wasn't really paying attention, lost in a whirlwind of my own thoughts. But my table erupted in applause rather suddenly, as a new slytherin joined our table. I clapped along with them, a bit late. A girl with short, deep ocre hair sat several seats down from me. 

I looked up at all the eleven-year-olds being sorted, a sense of something like nostalgia hitting me in a wave. I remember vividly the feeling of sitting on that rickety stool, only a year ago. The hat had only whispered one sentence to me before shouting 'SLYTHERIN' to the entirety of the hall. 

'You possess the power to yield great evil or phenomenal good, the choice is yours,' I could still hear the Sorting Hats' raspy voice in my ear. 

'Malfoy, Draco!" Professor McGonigall called out. That name rung a bell, and I remembered hearing it on a few occasions. He walked up to the stool with confidence, and the second the hat touched his slick, blonde hair, it shouted "Slytherin!" Without a single moment of hesitation. He sauntered to the table, and sat across from me. I didn't look up at him. He extended his hand. 

'I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy." He said with an air of arrogance that lingered around him like thick perfume. I hesitantly reached out, grasping his outstretched hand and shaking it. 

"Equestria." I said to him, pursing my lips together in a thin line. I typically tried to avoid saying my last name. Technically speaking, by blood I was the daughter of Lily and James Potter, but I was forbidden to tell people that, for many obvious reasons. I used my mother's name, Evans, seeing as it was a common surname. He looked back at me, like he was trying to decipher the inner workings of my mind, like he could break through my rock solid façade that had held up strong for my first year at school. I dropped my own gaze, the eye contact sending unpleasant shivers over my arms. 

"Parkinson, Pansy," was sorted into Slytherin as well. She sat next to me and smiled, her face reminded me of that of a pug's. I only half smiled back, my thoughts elsewhere.

'Potter, Harry,' McGonigal called to the hall, making a hush sweep over the room. I tensed up just slightly, my eyes following his every movement as he stood and put on the hat, sitting down at the stool. He was thin, a but mousy, even. His hair was the same jet black shade as mine, but mine was far flatter and sleeker. 

The hat sat on his head for a long, agonizing moment, before it had exclaimed 'Gryffindor'. The Gryffindor table whooped and cheered at this, but who could blame them? He was famous, everyone in the wizarding world knew his name. I knew he'd be a Gryffindor, how could he be anything else? He's the one who defeated You-Know-Who. A part of me wished he would be in Slytherin, though. Several more Slytherins joined us. I was only half paying attention, though, when a very good looking boy caught my eye. 'McCain, Dylan,' he was sorted into Ravenclaw, though. He had brunette hair and freckles, and looked to be pretty tall, but I couldn't exactly tell from afar.

Soon after Blaise Zabini had been sorted into Slytherin, Dumbledore rose out of his chair to speak. Food, no, delicacies more like, magically appeared on our golden plates. It was mouth watering, so many different smells filling the air, each better than the last. Mashed potatoes, tarts, steaks and gravy, anything you could want was piled high. I ate only some potatoes, not feeling particularly hungry. Over the summer, I was used to not eating. The idea of a full meal almost made me sick to my stomach. After everyone had their share of the delicious food, the headmaster dismissed us all, and we all walked up to our respective dormitories. There were very few second year Slytherin girls, so the girl with short hair I had seen earlier was in the dorm, the one that reminded me of a pug, along with me and two other girls in my year, whom I wasn't terribly fond of.

I settled into my warm, inviting dormitory bed, sinking into the mattress like it was made for me. I fell asleep fairly quickly, very glad to be back. I belonged here, at hogwarts. My mind, however, dwelled on the sorting hats' words, from a year ago. For whatever reason, I was getting hung up on its warning, preoccupied, as my eyes fell shut and I drifted into a dreamless, heavy sleep.


	3. ~one~

I woke earlier than I needed to the next morning, the sun still low in the dark sky. I brushed out my hair and let it hang over my shoulders. I pulled on my emerald green robes and slipped simple black flats on my feet. I dug around my trunk for the long, dramatic muggle book I’d been working my war through for the last two weeks, War and Peace. Grudgingly, I walked down to the common room, and there were only a few people there, none I was interested in talking to. I noticed a certain blonde sitting next to two boys I recognized, but couldn’t think of their names, not that I particularly cared. Blaise Zabini, an attractive boy with deep brown skin smiled at me. I smiled politely back at him as I sat on the opposite end of the room. I observed some more people filing in, some boys from my year and a first year girl who's name I didn't know. I pulled open my book, and spent a few minutes reading, only getting through a dozen pages before I was interrupted.

"Oi, Evans.” The young Malfoy called over to me. I sighed, folding over the corner of my book before I looked up, raising an eyebrow as if to ask ‘what do you want?’

He walking over to me, leaning against an end table, a cocky look on his pale face. “My father’s told me about you.”

“Oh?” I asked, trying to sound disinterested.

“He has. He reckons you’re the right sort to be friends with.” He said in a sneer, saying the words with distaste, like it was a nasty curse word.

“I disagree,” He continued. “You’re a half blood, yes?”

“Yes.” I confirmed, keeping my voice steady and neutral.

“I knew it.” He shook his head. “Father really is right, this school has gone to the dogs.”

“You’re telling me this why?” I asked, relatively used to the snide remarks about my blood status. It was surprisingly common, mostly within my own house.

“Because,” he sneered. “Just because my father thinks it’s prudent that I’m on your good side, doesn’t mean I like you any more than any other mudbloods in this castle.” 

My lips parted. “My blood isn’t dirty, whatever your misconstrued views may be, Malfoy.” I said defiantly.

He shook his head, striding off to join his bunch of mundane, idiotic friends that were all just as hellbent on their belief system as he was, or at least I could only assume so.

I stood up, not wanting to be in the room any longer. I brushed past Lucas Harvey without a word, even though he was the only person I could tolerate properly, I was hesitant to call him a friend, even if he was. I strode down the hallway, only a few early risers going down to breakfast this early, seeing at it was barely seven thirty.

I sat down, with little intention of eating. I poured myself a cup of coffee, inhaling it’s bitter scent before I took a sip. I puckered my lips at it’s taste, void of sweetness. I reopened my book, flipping to my page anxiously. I could get so caught up in the tale of the families in St. Petersburg in the early 1800s. I would find myself aching for sweet Natasha’s perfect life, childishly longing to find my very own Pierre. I nibbled a piece of buttered toast as I slowly made my way through the pages that were written in beautifully spoken but albeit confusing old English. 

I only looked up when someone sat across from me, and it was the person I least wanted to see right about now. His glacier blue eyes were sharp and almost foreboding.

“What do you want, Malfoy?” I asked wearily. “Twenty minutes ago didn’t you want nothing to do with me?”

"Evans, what's your story?" He asked, a harsh tone in his voice as he ignored my question,

I knit my eyebrows together. “That’s your business why?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Curious, I suppose.”

His sudden shift in demeanor was almost concerning. I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I took another sip of the hot black liquid in my cup, trying not to pull a face when it seeped over my tongue and down my throat, leaving a burn behind it. I looked back down at my book, wanting to know just how the Rostov’s planned to leave Russia just as the war was starting. 

“What are you reading?” He asked.

I looked up at him, annoyed. “What do you want from me, Malfoy? You called me a mudblood not thirty minutes ago and now you just casually want to have a chat about my favorite types of literature?” I shook my head, realizing just how rude I had come across. “Just leave me alone if you’ve only come to bitch at me.”

“Oi, ‘s my seat,” Said a familiar voice with a distinct Doncaster accent. Lucas Harvey showed up behind Malfoy. “D’you mind?”

He didn’t wait for him to answer, tossing his book bag down and grinning. “Yes, thank you, move along now, let me sit.”

I rolled my eyes at Lucas, returning to my book as he blabbed on and on about a girl a year older than us that he fancied. He piled his plate high, eggs, bacon, French toast doused in syrup, biscuits and sausage. I took another piece of toast and slowly worked my way around the edges.

"Blimey, Evans. Aren't you hungry?" Said Lucas, through a mouthful.

"Not really," I shrugged, fiddling with my ring. Malfoy looked down at my hands, which rested idly on the tabletop. He had sat next to Lucas, leaving a load of space in between them though.

"That's a pretty ring," he muttered, just loud enough for me to hear, a smile toying at the corners of his mouth.

"Thank you.” I said reluctantly, though I wanted to tell him to screw off and stop talking to me “It was my mother's." I added as an afterthought.

"Was?" He asked. I fell silent, not wanting to put energy into telling another lie, but also not in any position to tell the truth. He didn't push, which I was thankful for. All of a sudden, the windows burst open, owls swooped in through, hooting and chirping up a storm. A grey barn owl dropped a letter in my lap. I internally groaned, knowing who it was from. Rodolphus. Since I was a toddler, I'd been bounced between houses of Voldemort's most trusted followers, which I had found funny as I got older, in a bad way. Who would’ve thought becoming a death eater entailed babysitting, in some cases?

Stay out of trouble. I don't want word that you're being difficult, or you will be sorry. You're to stay at hogwarts over break, and like I said. Not a word to Potter. Not one word. Nor any talk of your parents.

R. Lestrange

It wasn't even addressed to me. I crumpled up the letter and shoved it into my pocket, cursing the nonce out under my breath. Malfoy was going on and on about how his parents always sent him loads of sweets when he was away from home. He wasn't kidding, a box filled to the brim with candies laid in his lap. Some of the other students, particularly the younger ones, had nice letters or small gifts from home. I felt the small paper ball in my pocket. I wished I had parents to send me letters. I sat quietly and fiddled with my ring. 

“I’m going to get to class,” I mumbled to Lucas. “I’ll save you a seat.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Classes were done for the day, I headed back up to my common room. I felt someone bump into me, clipping my shoulder and stumbling.

"Sorry," I muttered, not really looking up.

"No worries," the person said, his voice melodic and soft. I tilted my chin up to look at him. The ravenclaw boy I'd noticed the night prior looked back at me. He half smiled, his eyes bright and glowing. I remembered that very excitement when I’d come to hogwarts for the first time. 

"I'll see you around," he paused, ruffling his hair. "I didn't catch your name?" 

"I didn't throw it." I quipped, smiling nonetheless. "Equestria Evans." 

"See you around, Evans," he said, turning on his heel and walking down the corridor in the opposite direction. 

I smiled just barely, walking down into the dungeons. I sat down, towards a corner and started on my work, scribbling down the beginnings of a charm essay, which was supposed to be sixteen inches by next week. Soon, more and more people filled the common room. Malfoy and his friends walked in, an hour later as I was finishing up potions homework, which was moving infuriatingly slowly. The common room grew noisier and noisier. I hated trying to work like this. Quietly, I packed all my books up and walked into my dorm, unable to focus with all the buzz and fragments of conversation. It was silent, me being the only person there. I looked at the clock, it was only five thirty. Sometimes I wished time would move faster. 

I sighed, opening up War and Peace again, desperate to see how Nicholas would get out of the arranged marriage with the oh-so-boring Mary, and get to live his life with his true love, Sonya.

~~~~~~~~~

I looked at the clock. Just after midnight. I guessed I'd fallen asleep, my book next to me, open to a page in the 700s. Fully awake now, I walked down into the common room. I used to do this very frequently in my first year at school, I enjoyed the silence and the dying log fire. As I stepped into the room, I stopped. Draco Malfoy was siting on the couch, watching the fire. He looked up at me, I guess feeling my presence.

"Oh," I said, my voice a little hoarse. "Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

"No," he called. He seemed to hesitate, possibly regretting his word. “Makes no difference to me.” 

I turned around and sank into the couch across from him, not looking at him. I curled my bare feet up under me. My eyes drifted to the crackling fire, embers still glowing and they reminded me of little pinpricks in a dark cloth. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. 

"Why're you here?" I blurted out, before having a chance to really think it through. I felt surprised at myself. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude-" 

"Just getting used to it here. I like the quiet." The boy said. "Why're you here, Evans?" He asked me, raising an eyebrow.

"I like watching the fire. The dead silence upstairs can sometimes be too much," I told him, truthfully. I don't know exactly why I was confessing this, though. I didn't know this boy. If he was anything like his father, I wouldn't like him. 

"Suffocating, sometimes." He said, turning away from the fire to look at me. I nodded in agreement. I supposed he wasn't as spoiled and arrogant as he let on, but maybe it was all part of an act. "What happened to your parents?" Malfoy pushed, looking into my eyes.

"Dead." I stared at him back in the eyes. Part of me was trying to shock him, catch him off guard and crack the mask he put up.

He looked slightly taken aback. Obviously not the answer he had been expecting, which I almost took some . "I-I'm sorry," 

"It's fine." I replied. I tried to soften my expression a little.

"My parents are as good as.” he confessed.

"Oh?"

"My father. Not a very...nice man."

"Oh."

The conversation paused. I looked over at him, finally meeting his eyes. I scanned over his face, his features sharp and pointed. 

What started out as minimal, polite conversation, quickly turned into us both rambling on endlessly. I laughed, really truly laughed, for the first time in what felt like ages. 

“It’s late...I’m gonna go up,” I said, looking at my watch. “I'm going to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, Malfoy." I stretched, getting off the couch. I started to walk up to my dorm.

"Draco." He called after me. I was confused. "Not Malfoy, just Draco."

I smiled at him and walked up to my dormitory. I creeped into bed as quietly as possible. I layed on my back, thinking of the conversation we had just had. That night, I had made a friend. I real, genuine friend. 

I enjoyed the company of Draco that night. Little did either of us know, that night was the start of an unbreakable bond that neither of us would get through that year without.

After that one faithful night in the common room, as unlikely and surprising as it was, Draco and I were fast friends. Something about him really made me loosen up, and I didn't feel the need to put on an act around him, which was refreshing beyond belief. He was easy to talk to, mostly, but he was opinionated in the wrong ways. He parroted his fathers views, which obviously weren’t his own. Him and I would rome the school at night, exploring the castle and the grounds, seeing as I was particularly good and invisibility charms. We had many nights, staying up and talking until early hours of the morning. I daresay he knew me better than anyone else. I shared my secrets with her, and her with me.

I burst into the common room, my legs slightly sore from running from the caretaker, Professor Filch. I was out of breath, desperately trying to force oxygen into my lungs, my skin slightly sweaty. I looked over to Draco, meeting his eyes, and raised he raised an eyebrow. A smile broke onto my face.

"Hexed some firsties,"I breathed, collapsing onto the couch next to me. "Ravenclaws, I think. Nothing all that bad though, just jellylegs,"

He mocked being insulted. "And you didn't invite me?" 

I shrugged. "The opportunity presented itself." 

"Go shower, you reek." He fake pushed her away. 

He threw a pillow at me as I hightailed it up the stairs. A grin poked at the corners of my lips. Draco was the best friend I could ask for. I bit my lip, thinking about the summer holiday. It was May already, June approaching fast. I wouldn't see anybody until term started again in September. I sighed, not sure who I would write to this summer. I felt bad lying to him about my situation. I wished I could stay at school, but that wouldn't ever work. From what I told him, he though I just switched around the houses of family friends all summer, like some warped version of foster care. I never went into detail about that and I always tried to change the subject, veering away from the steep cliff that was my family. 

But he didn't press me about it, which I appreciated endlessly. I ran the water in the bathroom, the mirrors steaming up within a matter of minutes. I stepped into the shower, the water flowing down my skin. I washed my hair quickly, ignoring the conditioner, and finishing up in a few minutes.

I pulled on fresh clothes, running down the stairs once again. I sat down on the couch next to Draco, letting out a lungfull of air.

"Better?" I flopped my hair in his face.

"Much," he said, shoving me off of him. "Equestria?”

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing for the holidays?"

I rolled my eyes. "I've told you, Draco, staying with my parents old friends.” the same answer I gave every time.

"You'll write, right?"

"Of course, every day. I haven’t got anything else to do.” I grinned at him, making him barely flash a small smile back. "Up for a game of exploding snap?" 

He nodded, cracking his knuckles, getting up and reaching for the deck of cards.

~~~~~~~~~~~

In the next weeks, him and I spent every afternoon in the common room, talking, or playing exploding snap, gobstones too. He had taught me how to play wizard chess, though I was still bad at it, I enjoyed playing. The last week of school was stressful or everyone, with exams and all. I seemed to be sleeping less and less. Bad dreams plagued my subconscious, I felt like a borderline insomniac. Tomorrow we boarded the hogwarts express to go home for the summer holidays, and I was growing more anxious with every passing day. Classes had ended, all exams were done and I headed back to the common room to find many Slytherins celebrating the end of term. I sat in the back, smiling slightly, book in hand, as usual. Draco came and sat next to me, and with one look at him I could tell he was upset.

“I take it you’ve heard about Potter?” I asked him.

He nodded. “He’s bloody ridiculous, an absolute twat.”

"I think I’m going to pack up my trunk. I'll meet you at dinner?" I asked, not taking my eyes off my shoes. I swung them, focusing my gaze on the beginnings of a hole in the canvas.

"Suppose it’s a good idea," Draco said, though it seemed like he had other things on his mind. We walked down respective staircases, each going up to our dorms. I started folding up my clothes, packing them into my trunk, along with the few extra belongings I had. I looked at the clock after finishing up and found it was nearly time for dinner. I walked up the many flights of stairs to the great hall, noticing Pansy and Lucas sitting with Draco in our usual spot. I took my place next to Lucas and across from Draco, piling food onto my plate. All the Slytherins were in an especially good mood, the hall was decked out in silver and green, because our house had won the annual House Cup. Dumbledore stood. The talk in the hall quieted, as if a blanket had been thrown over it.

"Now, as I understand it, the house cup needs awarding. And the points stand thus: in fourth place, Gryffindor with three hundred and twelve points. In third, hufflepuff with three hundred and fifty two, Ravenclaw has four hundred and twenty six, and Slytherin with four hundred and seventy two,"

Our table erupted with cheers. I clapped, smiling. It would be the second consecutive year that the cup will be ours.

"Yes, yes, well done Slytherin. However, recent events must be taken into account." 

Draco’s face dropped. We all stopped cheering, as Lucas looked at me with a questioning look, but I shrugged, nonverbally telling him I didn’t know any more than he did.

"I have a few last minute points to dish out. Let me see- first, to Mr Ronald Weasley, for the best played game of chess Hogwarts has seen in years. I award Gryffindor 50 points. 

The entirety of the Slytherin table glared at the red-head, making his face flush.

“Chess?” Draco hissed. “They’re giving points for a game of sodding chess?”

"To Miss Hermione Granger, I award Gryffindor 50 points for cool logic in the face of fire."

The Gryffindor table screamed and clapped.

Dumbledore proceeded to award Harry Potter 60 points, tying Gryffindor with Slytherin. Draco looked livid, Lucas looked as though he would slaughter him on sight.

“I bloody hate the lot of them,” Pansy spoke for the first time, her voice squeaky.

Dumbledore held up a wrinkled hand, and everyone fell silent.

"There are all kinds of courage," said Dumbledore, smiling. "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award 10 points to Mr. Neville Longbottom." 

I let out a string of curses as Lucas banged his fist on the table. Pansy pouted and glared at the Gryffindor table. The whole Slytherin table looked outraged, shouting and swearing. The Gryffindors cheered so loudly, my ears rung. I didn't hear what Dumbledore said as he clapped his hands, and before we knew it, the elegant silver and green was replaced by scarlet and yellow. Us and the rest of our house ate in near silence, with the occasional insult to Potter or his friends. 

The feast had finished, Draco, Pansy, Lucas and I walking back down to the common room, our anger subsiding finally. We spent the last remaining night at Hogwarts talking and playing wizard chess. I felt very preoccupied and uneasy,   
and I was the first of us to say goodnight and go up to my dorm. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The four of us boarded the train together, among the first so we would have a compartment to ourselves. We put our trunks up on the racks and settled in. I sat next to Pansy, across from Draco. We reminisced about our year slightly, and played a few games of exploding snap, and ate sweets from the trolley. After several hours, I felt the train start to slow. My stomach lurched. I really wished that train ride could've lasted all summer. We all grabbed our trunks and dragged them onto the platform. I looked at Pansy and gave her a big hug.

"You'll write?" She whispered. I nodded, smiling sadly. Lucas smiled, saying a quick goodbye at us as he walked over to his family. Draco walked over to me and I hugged him, harder and longer than I'd held Pansy. Pansy was my friend, and I liked her a lot because we were both girls and she was a witty and fun person, but Draco was my best friend. We told eachother everything and it was just...different. 

"Write me," I told him, a command, not a question.

"Of course I will, every day, or more!" He grinned. I liked when he smiled, like really smiled, not a sneer or a smirk. A genuine smile that lit up his whole face. 

“You better, I’ll bloody lose my mind,” I shook my head, seeing Rodolphus lurking in the back out of the corner of my eye. I waved goodbye, making my way through the crowd, walking straight into what would soon go down as one of the worst summers of my life.


	4. ~two~

"you don't know me, you don't know who i am. don't count me out so fast."  
-Cher, Burlesque, 2010

The moment I stepped across the threshold of the Lestrange Estate, dread filled me up, eating away at all the happiness I had from a very happy ten months at school. I walked up the stairs, keeping my eyes down and my shoulders slouched. I tread lightly, opening my creaky bedroom door, the smallest of all the ones in the house.

I stifled a cough as dust swirled around the room when I'd made the mistake of sitting down on the bed. I swatted my hand in front of my face, squeezing my eyes shut. I shook my head, I don't know what I'd expected, it's not like he'd keep my space clean while I was away, most times he pretended I didn't exist at all unless something needed cleaning. 

I sat down at the small, cramped desk grabbing a piece of parchment and a battered old quill, dipping the tip into my inkwell and trying to find a place to start.

Draco,

I'm bored already, and I've been here a quarter-hour. I've got nothing to do. I have a few books to get through, but I can't focus on reading right now. I miss hogwarts. This house always felt..cold. Cold and creepy and I don't like it one bit. 

Write soon, let me know what you're up to. 

Love  
Equestria 

I tentatively stepped outside my room, quickly grabbing the owl and bringing it back into my room, I doubted he would notice it was even missing. I tied my letter up, giving it to the owl after giving it an affectionate pat on the head.

I stepped away from my desk, and started to unpack my things. I folded up my clothes and put them in my dresser, which was very bare. The room itself was quite plain. I had a simple gray bedspread. My walls were white, and bare except for a painting of some flowers. I liked that painting quite a bit, actually, it was renaissance-esque, using soft, pastel colors. I had some rather modest pillows on my bed, I guess to make it look 'homey'. This room wouldn't ever feel homey to me. The whole house had a crisp and unfriendly air about it. I had only a few toys from when I was younger, the soft ones on my bed, the rest tucked away in my dresser. I sighed. This summer was going to be boring beyond belief. I had nothing to do. Truly nothing. The only time I came out of my room was for food, if I got any. Or if he wanted me to clean, and to shower once a day. I had no friends around me, or any friends besides the few at school. I wrote, sometimes. Just what I was feeling, I guess. I had a fresh notebook, I got a new one every summer to fill up. I would sleep in until late morning almost every day, after staying awake to watch the sun rise. Mostly, Rodolphus didn't bother me. Or acknowledge my existence at all. But it could be worse, I supposed.

I busied my fingers, braiding my long hair in a tight plait over my shoulder to keep it out of my eyes, which looked just a bit less green in the summer. I stood up, unbuttoning my robes and tossing them on the floor. I undressed all the way, in turn pulling on a baggy sweater and leggings. I stretched my arms up, my muscles feeling stiff. 

A tapping on my window distracted me, a sleek grey owl waiting outside the glass. I walked over to it, trying to open up the window, which proved slightly difficult, seeing as it hadn't been opened for nearly a year, I could only assume. I jerked it open, the warm summer breeze flowing in, but not without repercussions. My elbow bumped the paperweight I kept on my desk, and it fell to the ground with a loud thunk.

I jumped when a second impact came, echoing out through my room. Rodolphus had banged something on the ceiling from downstairs, shouting at me to keep quiet. I rolled my eyes, untying the letter from the owl, guessing it was Pansy, seeing as it was too soon to be Draco's. I was proven right, seeing her messy handwriting scrawled over the parchment.

Equestria,

I know you'll be bored out of your mind this summer, so I figured to write as soon as I could. I hope you're doing okay, I know you're not telling me everything, and that's fine, I just hope you're alright. Write if you need anything at all, or just to talk. I'll send an owl with some sweets this weekend!

Pansy

I was happy she wrote, and at least acted like she cared. She was right, though, I wasn't telling her the whole truth. How was I supposed to tell her I was Harry Potters long-lost sister and was raised by the Dark Lord's followers since he murdered my parents? No chance.

***

The next weeks were quite ordinary. I wrote back and forth with Lucas and Draco, occasionally with Pansy. Pansy did as she promised and sent me a basket of sweets, which was greatly appreciated. I wasn't starved, exactly, but I wasn't eating nearly as much as I did at school. I was always a little bit hungry, weather I admitted it or not. I grew tired much earlier than I normally do, given it was only around midnight. I settled myself into my mattress, which wasn't very comfortable. I drifted off to sleep, still thinking of going back to school.

I was awoken my my door creaking open, revealing a shadowy figure in the doorway. I rubbed the last bit of sleepiness out of my eyes. I couldn't have been asleep long, I felt groggy and disoriented.

"What" I asked sleepily, half forgetting I wasn't still at school. 

"Quiet," a man's harsh voice breathed shutting the door behind him, and I distinctly heard the click of a lock.

"W-what are you doing?" Fear filled me, feeling fully awake now, as he walked next to my bed.

"Be quiet, girl." Rodolphus snarled. He was dangerous. My breath caught in my throat, breaking out into a cold sweat. I tried to kick him off me, I tried. I screamed, knowing full well nobody else was in the house. He gripped the back of my neck, hard. Hot tears blurred my vision and poured down my face as he held me down. It hurt terribly. No matter how grown up I was mentally, I was still a child. What seemed like forever later, he left, not saying one single word. I let out a sob I'd been holding in for a while. The urge to throw up came over me. I tried to stand, but everything hurt so badly, I just leaned over the side of my bed and puked out the little food that was in my system. I cried, I cried all night, despite how tired I was, there was no way in hell I was sleeping after that. He took something from me, something I would never get back. And I would never forget that night. That nightmarish, horrible night.

I still hadn't slept by the time the sun rose, tears dried onto my cheeks. I sat in bed all day, ignoring the letters from my friends. How could I possibly explain what happened? The thought of it made me sick. I closed my eyes, just trying to get out of my own head, which now held me like a prison.

I'm sure that would be just a lovely conversation.

~~~~~~~~~~

I layed in bed for days. I didn't shower, or respond to any letters. I got up to use the bathroom a few times, and to stick my head under the faucet and drink. I was truly exhausted, I hadn't slept for several nights now. I couldn't. Not after that. Every time I shut my eyes, I felt his hands on my neck. I smelled him. I felt as though he was there all over again. My breath was shaky as I exhaled. I collapsed onto my bed, only because I felt like I couldn't stand to be awake any longer before my body just gave up. Sleep came to me, however uneasy. It was a light sleep, but when I woke several hours later, I felt much better than before I went to sleep. At least I felt somewhat rested. It had been four days now, since I'd read or wrote to Draco or Pansy. I had a stack of four letters on my desk, waiting to be read, two from Draco, and one each from Lucas and Pansy. The first from each of them was fairly usual, just catching up, continuing whatever conversation we were having. The second ones were both somewhat concerned, checking in on me, asking if I was alright. 

Just seeing their handwriting made me miss them even more.

As silly and trivial as it would seem, especially in light of recent events, I dug through my bag, searching for War and Peace.

I desperately needed to dive headfirst back into the early 1800s, needing the sweet solace of Pierre and Natasha's undying lobe for eachother that made my heart ache in a sweet, longing way. 

I wondered if one day I could be like Mary, who after her fair share of sadness and loss, lived a long, fulfilling life. She found a husband and had children, living in a gorgeous house happily.

Or maybe I would end up like poor Petya, shot and killed while he was still young, after trying to protect those he loved.

Or maybe they were really just two sides of the same coin, and it was all dependent on fate. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Finally. My trunk was packed, everything I needed for 10 more blissful months at school. My summer work was all finished, and I was itching to see my friends again, and to get out of this damned house, which now had a whole new array of memories painfully tied to it. It had been horrible, I'd had the worst nightmares of my life. I used floo powder to get to Kings Cross station, and the very second I crossed the barrier, my eyes were peeled for a select few people. I knew they'd be there, they were generally earlier than me. I spotted them, and within a few seconds, my arms were slung around Draco's neck in a hug. Not a moment after him and I broke apart, I was hugging Pansy too. She saw the look on my face, taking my hand she dragged me into a compartment along with Draco.

"Equestria," she said seriously. "We were so worried about you," she reached out and squeezed my hand. 

Draco looked at me, concern etched on his face. "What happened to you this summer?"

I bit my lip, not able to look either of them in the eyes, alternatively I looked down at my lap. I clenched and unclenched my hands, digging my nails into my skin.

I was having in internal battle, finding it incredibly difficult to get my voice to even work. I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes and deciding the only thing I could do was tell the pair of them. 

"He did something to me." I started. 

~~~~~~~~~~

One year later 

Our second year as friends passed, as did that summer. That summer wasn't nearly as terrible as the last one, though, it was unconparable. Practically anything was better than that last summer. I hated being in that house, though. It was unfriendly and always dusty and sent chills down my back. I wrote to my friends even more over the summer, barely leaving my desk. I'd grown closer with both Lucas and Draco that year. I was still indefinitely closest with Draco, though, Summer was just as boring as ever, again never leaving my room.

"Damn," I grinned at Draco as he pulled me into a hug as I arrived at the platform. I looked up at him. "You got tall."

"Ah, well," he smiled back. I was a full head shorter than him now.

"Pansy! Your hair!" I gasped. "I love it!" Her hair was cut to her shoulders, and blunt bangs spread across her forehead.

She hugged me. "Thanks, Tria," we boarded the train together. As we settled down into a compartment, I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding. I was free, heading back to the place where I belonged for my 4th year at Hogwarts. 

"Tria, did you hear about Sirius Black?" Draco asked, putting his feet up.

"A bit, I guess. He escaped from Azkaban? Why was he in there in the first place?" I said, absentmindedly picking my nails.

Pansy sucked in a breath. "Well... twelve years ago he killed thirteen muggles, and blasted Peter Pettigrew to shreds. They only ever found one finger. Surprised you didn't know."

"Blimey," I said. That wasn't what I expected. "That's awful," 

"He's out there still. He was seen in London last week." Pansy tucked her feet up under her.

"My father and the ministry are going crazy trying to find him. Once they do, he'll get the dementors kiss." Draco told us.

"That's terrible. But I suppose he deserves it." I sighed. My stomach rumbled. I hadn't eaten much over holiday.

"Equestria," Pansy bit her bottom lip, after a tense moment of silence. "You don't look all that good. Have some food," 

I ran my hands over my protruding cheek bones, and I knew my waist had gotten slimmer.

"I'm not all that hungry, Pans. I'm fine," I told her, trying to look reassuring.

She still looked concerned, but dropped it.

"Is it...colder in here?" Draco asked after a few moments of silence, goosebumps raising on his arms.

"It is cold," I said, an unfamiliar chill passing through the compartment. I was feeling fine moments ago, but now I just felt...empty. Not cheerful, or happy I was seeing my friends again. A blank expression glazed Pansy's face, and I anticipated she was feeling the same way.

My breath caught in my throat as a hooded figure glided down the train. 

"Oh my god," I whispered, clinging onto Pansy. A felt a cold, clammy hand grip mine. Draco had gone as pale as a sheet. I squeezed his hand, trying to put some hope into him, but I failed to find any myself. The creature placed an icy hand to the door, making the glass freeze over. Pansy started mumbling something of a prayer under her breath. But just as soon as the thing had appeared, it had gone. Draco dropped my hand, his pale face flushing rose. 

"W-what was that-" I shuddered, still feeling chills down my spine.

"A d-dementor." Pansy breathed.

"They gaurd Azkaban. I'd bet anything they were looking for Black." Draco seethed. "My father will hear about this."

"That was bloody terrible." I let out a shaky sigh.

"I felt like I'd never known happiness," Pansy mumbled, rubbing her temples.

"They're awful damned creatures." Draco said, pressing his forefingers to the bridge of his nose. 

We sat in silence. My skin slowly warmed up, after whatever felt like ages. 

"I'm going to check the other compartments," Draco informed us, getting up. Pansy looked at me, rolling her eyes. We both knew he was on his was to taunt Potter and his friends. Draco left the compartment, shutting the door with a thud. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The train eventually came to a stop, pulling up to hogwarts. Pansy, Draco, Lucas and I all loaded into a carriage and it slowly pulled us to the school. We all sat mostly in silence, still a little shaken from the dementor on the train. We all got settled into the Slytherin table, and watched the sorting. We gained several new Slytherins this year, earning lots of cheers from us older students. Dumbledore stood and made a big speech about the dementors and how they were here searching for Sirius Black and to not give them a reason to harm us.

"Psst, Potter!" Draco hissed, after the food had appeared. "Is it true you fainted? You actually fainted?" 

"Shove off, Malfoy!" Harry's blood traitor best friend called back at him.

I just bit my tongue. It was becoming harder and harder to keep this secret from him. He was my best friend, a closeness I'd never had with anybody else. I felt awful always lying, dancing around the truth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

After the feast, the six of us made our way back to the common room. We sat around the fire, talking about the holiday, Sirius Black, the dementors. I mostly just listened. Blaise drawled on endlessly about some gala his family had held over the summer. 

"Well," Pansy said, when the conversation reached a pause. "I'm going to go upstairs and unpack." She stood, stretching her arms up.

"Yeah, I'll come too." I rose to my feet as well. "Goodnight," I said, looking at Draco more than anyone else. Lucas nodded, but his eyes were fixed on an older girl he'd unwaveringly fancied for quite some time now. Pansy and I walked up to the girls dorms. 

"Equestria, how was your holiday really?" Pansy asked, folding her arms over her chest.

I sighed, knowing she wouldn't relent. "He was an ass, as he always is. I didn't get food much, yes I know I'm disgustingly skinny, no need to point it out. He smacked around the house elf something terrible, which made me more frightened of him than I already was. He didn't do anything like that again." 

"He's practically starving you," She mumbled incredulously, her jaw going slack. "That's sick." She shook her head.

She was quiet for a moment.

"That's abuse. He needs to feed you! Aren't you hungry?" She paced around our room.

I shrugged. I didn't understand why she cared so much. "Just drop it, Pansy,"

"I will not! I think you should talk to Snape."

I scoffed. "Like he'd do anything. It doesn't matter, I'm here now."

"I hate how stubborn you are. I'm trying to help!"

"I don't want your help Pansy! I'm not a charity case!" I don't know why I was so angry at her. She was just trying to be nice. "Goodnight!" I said pointedly, pulling the curtains of my four poster shut. I heard her mumble something and eventually climb into her own bed. 

I pulled the something out of my pocket, something that I'd held onto since the middle of the holiday. It became almost a tradition for me, every night, after he'd fallen asleep, I would creep down the stairs and out the front door, under the watchful eyes of the constellations. There was a muggle village only a few miles away, and I could be there and back before sunrise and he hadn't suspected a thing. I sat up in bed and popped it open and played with the contents, two jet black rings with a strip of silver through the center. I got them at a muggle store. Promise rings, something muggles gave to someone they cared about. It was dumb. But I had bought them anyways. I wasn't tired, but I layed down anyway, my thoughts swirling around my head. I shut my eyes, willing my brain to quiet down. I toyed with the simple bronze ring that was already on my finger. My mother's. I sighed again, pulling out a new book I'd picked up over the summer, Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice.


	5. ~three~

"And you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry."  
-Coldplay, 2000

"Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I'm Professor Lupin, and I'm very excited to teach you all this year," a shabby man with happy eyes said to the class. His face was lined and his clothes were tattered and worn. I looked over at Lucas, who I had walked to class with. His face was blank, so it was hard to tell what he was thinking. 

"So, fourth years, I have a very interesting lesson for today," he announced, striding through the rows of desks. I raised my eyebrows. It didn't seem promising. "But first, please let me take attendance." he went through the list of names. Most I recognized, but some I didn't, because it was a double lesson with the Hufflepuffs. I looked up, noticing Professor Lupin had gone silent.

"Equestria Evans?" He said, just a bit quieter than he'd said everyone else's name.

"Here?" I replied, not sure why my name had shocked him so much. He looked me in the face for a moment, but then returned to the names on a long list of parchment.

"Blimey, what was that about?" Lucas nudged me.

"I don't know," I whispered back.

"Now that that's all done," Lupin said, setting the parchment down and sitting on his desk. "Can anyone tell me what a boggart is?"

Lucas raised his hand. 

"Yes, Mister..." Lupin referred to the parchment.

"Harvey, sir," he supplied. "Isn't that a creature that takes the form of something you're afraid of?"

"Close, but not just anything you're afraid of. A boggart takes the form of your hearts deepest and darkest fear." Lupin kindly smiled. "Now, any guesses as to what's in that wardrobe?" He gestured to a busted up cabinet that hadn't stopped rattling since class had started.

A blonde Hufflepuff raised her hand. "A boggart, sir?" She said in a high pitched squeak.

"Exactly right, Miss..." he paused, searching for her name. "Short. You can put your books away for today, I find it's much more fun to deal with the real thing,"

The atmosphere lightened as we put our books away with the promise of learning real magic. A practical lesson always out all of us in high spirits. 

"It's a very simple charm, to repel boggarts. Does anyone know it?" The class was silent. "Didn't you cover this last year?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Not really, Sir." I remarked. "Lockhart was quite a tosspop, if you ask me. We didn't learn much last year that didn't revolve around him, his books, or his award-winning smile." 

He chuckled. "Well then, this should be easy. To repel a boggart, you must think of something cheerful, something funny to you. The incantation is 'Riddikulus'. Say it with me now,"

"Riddikulus," the class obliged, repeating the word all at once. 

"Alright, alright now, enough of this. Make a line, in front of the wardrobe now!" He said enthusiastically, hopping of his desk to stand next to the rumbling thing holding the boggart. Lucas and I were shunted towards the middle of the line, with a Slytherin girl and some hufflepuffs towards the front.

"Are you ready?" He asked to the girl in the front of the line. She nodded, and he twisted the knob and out of the cabinet, stepped an enormous grizzly bear. The girl held her stance, and with a flourish of her wand and saying the spell, the bear shrunk to the size of a teddy bear, looking cuddly and laughable now. Most of the class erupted in giggles. Lucas just rolled his eyes. As a scrawny hufflepuff boy stepped in front of the tiny bear, it grew into a dead dog, a basset hound, lying motionless on the floor. 

"Ridikulus!" He insisted, despite being visibly shaken. I supposed he had a pet dog, maybe, but to me it seemed like a silly thing to be your hearts deepest fear. 

"Very good!" Lupin laughed, as the dog stood up, jumping and yapping, wagging its tail.

Student after student went up to the boggart, each time going from something frightening to funny. There was a large variety of things the boggart turned into. Mummies, insects, animals, sometimes even people. Lucas stepped up to the creature, which had previously taken form of a clown in bobble-head form. His boggart turned into a faceless woman, throwing a ring at the ground and striding away from a faceless man, begging her to stay. I thought back to him telling me of his parents' unstable relationship. Divorce.

"Ridikulus!" He shouted, turning the two figures into daisys, swaying in the wind. I gulped, taking a step forward. The daisys shot into the ground, and everything was still for a moment. I opened my mouth, raising my want in preparation for the boggart. 

"Good work!" Lupin called, stepping in front of me, only after blasting the boggart back into the cabinet. I pursed my lips. Why had he just stopped it before I had a go? 

Maybe his class was really going to suck.

~~~~~~~~~~

I walked back into the common room, hours later after my last class had ended, to see Draco already sitting there.

"Did you have Defense Against the Dark Arts today?" I asked him, handing him a cupcake.

"Where'd did you get this?" He chuckled.

"Stopped by the kitchens on my way," I grinned.

"Yeah, I did," he answered.

"What do you think of Lupin?" I asked, licking the chocolate frosting.

"Dunno, he's fine I guess. He looks a bit...shabby though, doesn't he?He said something about the fourth years doing boggarts today?"

"Yeah, we did. I liked him." I shrugged.

"What was your boggart?" He asked, biting into his cupcake.

"I never went," I said bitterly. "You'll have to see what your is, if you get to do them."

"Next week, Lupin said. I guess we'll see."

"I guess we will," I grinned. "I'm bored. Want to do something?" I asked.

"You just walked in a minute ago, and you're bored already?" He laughed, fake pushing me. "You have the attention span of a toad, Tria," 

"I know. So... what should we do?" 

A smirk creeped over his face. "I have an idea." He grabbed my hand. "Come on!" He said dragging me out the door.

He lead me all the way out to the quidditch pitch.

"What're you doing?" I snickered.

"Getting my broom!" He called from inside the shed. "I have something to show you!" 

I shook my head, smiling. He grabbed my hand yet again, running towards the lake. At the waters edge, he mounted his broom.

"Well, get on," Draco rolled his when I just stood there.

"I- I don't know how, really, I've never flown."

"What?" He asked, dumbstruck. "You've never flown?"

"'S what I just said."

"You've never been on a broom?" He said, incredulously.

"Never," I confirmed, shaking my head again.

"Get on." Draco commanded, smiling in the golden light. 

"Don't kill us," I said, sitting on the back of his broom, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist.

"Don't worry, I intend to," he laughed,

"Wait Draco-" but he kicked off the ground hard, sending us soaring into the air, sending the crisp wind through my hair. I screamed, clutching him tighter. We soared over the treetops, as the gold light sunk lower and lower in the sky. He flew lower and lower, barely skimming the water. Holding his waist for dear life, I reached out with my left hand and let my fingers run across the top of the water, creating ripples. I shouted as he made a sharp turn.

"Woah," I murmured. In front of us, was the castle with the sun setting above it. Undeniably the most breathtaking view I'd ever seen in my fourteen years years. The sky was painted a gorgeous orange, soft pink fading into purple.

"I know," he said, satisfaction lacing his voice, gazing at the castle. After we both had soaked up the view, he turned his broom down and plummeted down towards the edge of the lake. I screamed with delight, half out of breath laughing. We hit the ground hard, sending both of us tumbling off. I landed on my back, next to Draco.

"That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen," I whispered, looking over at him. 

And we fell silent, watching the sky fade into inky darkness, seeing stars poke out like pinholes. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Over the first few weeks of term, I'd been struggling more than I had in a long time. It was weighing heavily on me, the fact that I was lying to Draco's face every single day. He wasn't stupid, he knew something was going on and he was getting obviously fed up with it. I felt like Helene, hiding a secret that could make something beautiful, or ruin her relationship with her beloved Pierre.

"Draco, I have to talk to you." I said seriously, sitting down next to him. It was late, we were the only two awake.

"Okay?" He said, taking his feet off the table and putting his book down. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I just..." I sighed. Today was the day. Today I was going to come clean. I was sick of lying to him all the time. I could trust him. I really hoped so. "I need to be honest with you. There's a lot I haven't been telling you."

He furrowed his eyebrows, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. 

"It sounds like I'm out of my mind. And I know you're going to be...confused. And you should be. But I swear I'll answer anything you've got to ask, alright?"

"Okay...?" He said, looking concerned.

"Draco, I-." I took a deep breath in, and exhaled. "You're going to hate me after this."

"Whatever you're about to say, it won't make me hate you, if that makes it any easier."

He would probably retract his words the very second he knew.

"You know my parents are dead. But you don't know who my parents are, Draco." I paused. "This sounds crazy. And if I were you, I probably wouldn't believe me, but, my parents are James and Lily Potter."

His jaw fell slack, his grayish eyes widening. He didn't look as surprised as he looked...mad.

"I know, just let me explain, please. The night You-Know-Who last his powers, I was taken. It was his plan to train me up when I got older, though obviously that fell through because he's no longer...around. I didn't want to lie to you, Draco, I swear. They forced me, I couldn't say a word about my parents or anything! They made me use "Evans", it was my mother's maiden name! Draco, I know it's a lot but please please don't hate me." I chewed my lip anxiously, realizing I might have just made a huge mistake. 

A dumbstruck expression glazed his face. "That makes you Potter's sister." 

I pursed my lips and nodded. I knew he wouldn't like that one bit. I don't know what I expected.

"You lied." He said simply.

"I'm sorry." I said honestly, scratching the skin around my fingernails.

"Fine, then." He said, shrugging, but whatever he thought, I knew him better than that. Theee was obviously a lot he wasn't saying.

"Draco, please, can you just talk to me?" I asked.

"I'm going to take a walk, I'll see you later." He said, standing up and walking out of the room without another word. Obviously he really wanted to be away from me, considering it was past midnight, there wasn't really anywhere to walk.

I shook my head, mentally condemning myself for being so stupid. He was the one person who mattered most to me, and I'd revealed I was blood related to the person he hated most. I hoped I hadn't lost him for good.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning after a fairly restless night, I'd decided to take a walk. The late fall weather was chilly and crisp, nipping at my skin, sending goosebumps up my arms. I ventured past the east wing, and stopped on the bridge, leaning on the duel overlooking the gorgeous view below me.

"Equestria," a somewhat recognizable voice called to me. I looked behind me, and Professor Lupin was walking towards me, half smiling kindly. It was a crisp Saturday afternoon, I couldn't really imagine what he wanted with me. "May I join you for a moment?"

"I suppose, sure," I liked Professor Lupin enough, but it was beyond me why he would approach me outside of class. "I'm not in trouble, am I?"

He softly chuckled. "No, you're not in trouble." He stopped walking and turned to face me. He pulled out what looked like a piece of paper from his robe pocket, and handed it to me. 

Hesitantly, I reached out and took it. I realized it was an old photo, worn with age, two of the four corners bent. I studied the moving faces in the picture, my eyes picking up every detail. Three men stood in the picture, one with glasses holding hands with a ginger haired woman. The tallest of the men held a girl, a toddler with a little dark hair and a smile. The other man, with curly black hair held an infant child. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. My eyes widened with realization.

"No, this can't be..." my breath hitched, I didn't understand.

"Your parents." He pointed to the man with glasses and the red head woman. "And you," he touched the young girl in the photo. "Harry..." he said, moving his finger to the baby.

"I- I don't understand. How do you have this picture? You knew my parents?" I asked, shaking my head slightly. I stepped back, my mind swirling around in a tornado of confused thoughts. I'd been isolated for what felt like a lifetime, even if it was only a week. Draco hadn't spoken to me much, which absolutely broke my heart. I didn't know if it was because I'd lied, or because I was sisters with Harry Potter.

Or, as much as I didn't want to admit it, maybe he was only willing to make an exemption because of my blood status because we were as close as we were. Maybe he thought I was just a mudblood now that I revealed my parents to him. 

He had misguided morals, that was no secret. I'd helped to reshape them a bit, over the last three years, but he still had some...bad opinions. I'd gotten him to stop saying mudblood, and stop so openly talking down on muggleborns and half bloods. But maybe that was down the drain now.

I looked back up at Lupin, who was watching me. I handed the picture back to him, like holding it any longer would've burned me. He held it between us so I could still see the figures clearly.

He pursed his thin lips. I took in his face, and then looked back to the tall man in the photo. My mouth fell open.

"You-" I stuttered over my words. "That's you?" I breathed.

He nodded, the smallest of smiles forming on his face.

"Equestria," he put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm your godfather."

I stared at him in disbelief.

"Godfather?" I murmured.

"I-I know it's a lot to take in. I'll leave you to your thoughts, I just-"

"You're my family?" I asked.

"All you have left." He softly said, straightening up again. "You're welcome to come back to my office for tea. I'm happy to answer whatever questions you may have."

I smiled. "I'd like that, Professor Lupin."

"Just Remus, outside of class." His eyes crinkled kindly when he smiled. We began the walk back to his classroom, across the lawn and through the castle. I stayed silent most of the way, mulling over the new information that was swimming through my mind. I stared down at my feet, twisting the simple bronze ring on and off my finger. He opened the classroom door for me, and I stepped through and pulled a chair close to his desk. I sunk into it as he conjured a tea pot, steaming hot tea pouring itself out into two cups. 

"What's on your mind?" He asked, pushing a cup towards me. I picked it up and took a sip. 

"A lot." I said truthfully. "I had no idea you knew me or my parents or any of this until a few minutes ago." 

He nodded, sipping his tea. "I was your parents closest friend." He said, weather to me or himself, I didn't know.

"W-who was that other man in the photo?" I asked.

He looked down. "Equestria, I don't know if I'm the person to tell you."

I scoffed. "Well who else will?" 

"Ah, right you are." Remus paused. "That's Sirius Black."

I coughed. "Pardon?" I had to have heard wrong. Sirius Black, convicted murderer and Azkaban escapee...as if there could be more twists to this story.

"You heard me correctly. Sirius was very close with your parents and I. We'd been friends since we came to Hogwarts."

I swallowed. As if this day hadn't taken though turns. "D-do you think he did it? What he's in Azkaban for?"

He sighed, look he slightly weary. "No, Equestria I don't. The evidence all points to him having done it, but I knew Sirius. So I do not think he did it, no."

I nodded. "Can...can you tell me about my parents?"

He smiled. "I'd be glad to. Your father was the best friend I had. He was a brilliant quidditch player, and he always had a snitch in his pocket. He was quite the practical joker, your dad. Your mother was one of the most unwaveringly kind people I've met in all my life. She always managed to find the good in people, which is a most admirable trait. James had asked her out countless times before she finally said yes. He never stopped chasing her. Which, in hindsight, my younger self shouldn't have let love slip away so easily. But anyway, they were the best example of true love I've seen in my life. They loved eachother, so so much. I daresay, the only people they loved more than eachother was you, Equestria, and Harry." He met my eyes when he said my name. "It breaks my heart in every way that you never got to be with them." 

"I wish more than anything they were still here." I sighed.

"I know." He murmured. "Equestria, I have a few questions for you," 

"Oh?"

"Forgive me, if I'm overstepping, but how does Harry know nothing of you?"

"It's...a very long story."

"I have the time, if you don't mind telling me."

So, I did tell him. I told him how all I remembered was being transferred between houses of different Death Eaters, until when I was 10 and I pretty much permanently lived with Rodolphus Lestrange. I told him how before I came to hogwarts, I didn't know much of my parents. I explained how cultish of an environment I grew up in. He tried to hide the shock on his face, but his eyes gave it away.

"Equestria," he practically whispered. "I am beyond sorry."

I shrugged, it was just life to me, I hated feeling pitied. "It is what it is."

For most of the afternoon, we caught up on fourteen years of missed conversation. It was a bittersweet day, because I talked about the harshest aspects of how I was raised. He illuminated the horrors of the war, of Voldemort's return. But he also told me fond memories of my parents, their youth, their wedding, the short time they had with Harry and I. I explained how my friends were my family to me, and how hogwarts was my home.

I was happy, momentarily, at least. I had family. I had a godfather, who conveniently lived at my school. All afternoon, I hadn't thought about the fact that my best friend potentially hated me.

"I should be getting to lunch," I looked up at the clock in his classroom. 

"I suppose you should." He stood, to open the door, offering a polite smile. "Equestria, please know my door is always open to you. Come around for tea on the weekends, or owl me if you need something. I'm here, always." 

"I will," I said as I exited, "Thank you. For everything."

"Thank you, Equestria." He said. "Just one last thing."

"Yes?"

"I'd just like to say, Equestria, you look remarkably like your father."

~~~~~~~~~~

After all the news I had received from Lupin two weeks ago, I had been trying to watch over Harry a little more, something I had never really done. If I'm honest, I typically kept my distance. I figured it was best for both of us. But for whatever reason, I felt a responsibility to look after him, in the most remote way possible. It was a colder day, and everyone was gone. It was a hogsmede weekend, and obviously I couldn't go. Rodolphus didn't even treat me like a human, let alone signing my form or anything trivial like that. I watched from behind a pillar as Harry walked across the courtyard, a sour look on his face. Even from a distance, I could see that we really did look a lot alike. I saw two red headed boys jog after him. I knew they were Fred and George Weasley, who I had a slight grudge against after the played a practical joke on me in second year. I had to admit though, they were very funny and quite clever. I could see their backs as they started talking to Harry. I casted a silent charm so their voices would be amplified enough so I could hear them.

"How come you're not in hogsmede?" I heard Harry ask them.

"We've come to give you a bit of festive cheer before we go," one of the boys told Harry. He pulled something from the inside of his cloak that looked like a blank piece of parchment. I crouched down, creeping a bit closer so I could hear them better.

"What's that supposed to be?" Harry asked, cocking his head.

"This, Harry, is the secret to our success," said the other boy, patting the parchment with admiration.

"It's quite a wrench giving it to you, but we decided last night that your needs are greater than ours," 

"Anyway, we know it by heart. We bequeath it to you, I suppose we don't really need it anymore."

"And what do I need with a bit of old parchment?" Harry scratched his head as he looked at the Twins, awaiting an answer that I was wondering too.

"A bit of old parchment!" The twin closest to Harry scoffed. "Explain, George." Ah, so he was Fred.

"When we were in our first year, young, carefree, innocent-" 

I rolled my eyes. It was beyond me that the Weasley twins were ever all that innocent. 

"We got into a spot of bother with Filch," George continued. 

"We let off a dungbomb in the corridor and it upset him for some reason-"

"So, he hauled us off to his office and started threatening us with the usual-"

"-detention-"

"-disembowelment-"

"-and we couldn't help but notice a drawer in one of his filing cabinets marked 'confiscated and highly dangerous'-"

"Don't tell me," Harry said, a grin breaking out on his face.

"Well what would would you have done? George caused a diversion by dropping another dungbomb, I whipped the drawer open and grabbed it," Fred recounted.

"It's not as bad as it sounds, you know. We don't reckon Filch ever found out how to work it. He probably suspected what it was, though, or he wouldn't have confiscated it."

I couldn't wrap my mind around what the grubby piece of parchment could be. It looked perfectly ordinary to me, though I was 30 feet behind them.

"You know how to work it?" Harry asked, incredulous.

"Oh yes, this little beauty has taught us more than all the teachers in the school." Fred smirked.

"You're winding me up!" Harry smiled.

"Oh are we?" George grinned. He pulled his wand out and muttered a spell. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," and with a tap from the tip of his wand, I could see ink spreading on the paper in fine lines.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs?" Harry questioned.

My mouth fell into a perfect O. I recognized those names! Remus has told me about those names, nicknames he and my father had had for their friends! What did this have to do with them? Lost in thought, I didn't notice Fred and George getting up and walking in my direction. Quickly, I walked back into the castle so they wouldn't see me. I hightailed it straight up to Lupin's office. This was the first time I would be seeing him outside of class since our initial conversation. I knocked on his office door, eager to get inside and pummel him with the questions swirling around my mind.

"Come in," I heard his warm, kind, voice from the other side of the door.

I burst into his office, a huge grin on my face. 

"Equestria," he smiled. "It's nice to see you,"

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs," I said, breathlessly. I'd been repeating the four words over and over my whole way up to his office.

"Come again?" He seemed confused as to what I was getting at.

"What does that have to do with a... a map?"

"A map," Lupin said, as a statement, not so much of a question.

"A map!" I exclaimed, sitting down on a desk facing his chair. 

"How do you know about the map?" 

"I don't! That's the problem. All I know is that it exists. What is it?"

He sighed. "Equestria, I tell you this not as your teacher, but as your godfather. Your father-"

"And he was Padfoot? No, Prongs, right?"

"Your dad was Prongs, yes. Your father and Sirius and Peter and I made that map while we were at school. We put more work into that than all of our schoolwork combined," Remus reminisced.

"But what does it do?!" I asked, barely able to contain my excitement.

"Well," he said, still smiling. "It...it has the capability to show everyone on the grounds. Where they are, at all times."

My jaw dropped. "Like- all the time? Everywhere? Anyone?"

He nodded, chuckling slightly. "Equestria, how did you find out about that map? Last I heard, it was confiscated by Mr. Filch many years ago."

I hesitated.

"Again, I ask this not as a professor."

"Well," I began to explain. "You know the Weasley twins?"

"Of course I do. They would've given Sirius and James a run for their money."

"They had the map. They gave it to my b- to Harry."

He nodded, considering the information I had provided him with.

"How did you know Harry was given the map?" He asked, clasping his hands.

"I overheard when I was coming up here to talk to you," that was partly true, actually. I was planning to come up here to see Remus, because I was all alone today. Though I had been planning to...lay eyes on Harry on my way. 

"Mhm," He muttered, raising an eyebrow. "How fitting, Harry would have our old map. I anticipate he'll make use of it. James would be very pleased. I would like to see the old thing myself, though."

"I'd like to see it too," I admitted. "How exactly does it work?"

"You have to say 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good' to unlock it, persay. When you're done, you say 'mischief managed' to wipe it clean. Otherwise anyone can use it."

I nodded, trying to engrain those two phrases into my mind. 

"Care for tea, Equestria?" He asked, standing to get the kettle.

"Yes, sure," I added, a question lingering on my mind. Something that had been haunting me for the past few days.

"Is something bothering you?" He asked, looking me in the face.

"Yes, actually," I confessed.

He stared back at me. "Care to get it off your chest?"

I sighed, looking at my lap. "Do you think my parents would have liked me?" I said, quickly, before I lost my nerve.

His face fell briefly. "Of course I do. I think you would have been immensely close with both of your parents. They really did love you a lot."

For some reason, his answer annoyed me. Stupid and poetic. 

"But as a person? Not their daughter. As me. Equestria."

He hesitated. 

"Like, let's just say I went to hogwarts with them."

"Honestly? Honestly I think James would've let his damned rivalry with Slytherin get in the way of knowing you. Your mother was an exceptionally compassionate person, and I believe she would've liked you very much."

I nodded. That was a more genuine answer that I liked more. 

"As their daughter, would they have cared that I was a Slytherin?" 

He shook his head. "No. I don't think so. I didn't," 

I sipped the tea he had placed in front of me. Watered down, I noticed. 

"I liked your lesson, with the boggart." I said, breaking the silence that hung over us like a heavy blanket. 

"I hoped people would find it interesting. My third years had their lesson with the Boggart yesterday."

"What was Draco Malfoy's?" I asked, probably a little too quickly.

"I noticed you are with him a lot. Are the two of you...?" He trailed off.

"No. He's my best friend." I reassured him.

"Ah, my apologies. His was Lucious Malfoy."

My heart burned with utter and complete hatred for the bastard that was Draco's father. 

"Oh," I said through bared teeth, feeling my ears burn. 

We fell into silence again. 

"I'm glad you came to see me, Equestria. But the students will be arriving back from Hogsmede soon, and I daresay you'll want to see your friends." He smiled fondly. 

"Thanks for having me. I'll see you in class," I said, still feeling uneasy. 

"Have a good evening. Stop by again soon," he called as I shut the door.

I descended the many flights of stairs down to the dungeons. I walked on, brushing past people in the commonroom and going straight up my dormitory. I needed a distraction absolutely immediately. I picked up Pride and Prejudice, because if I was alone with my thoughts, the silence would suffocate me, I was sure of it.


	6. ~four~

"Don't blame me for falling, I was just a little boy."  
-Harry Styles, Falling

Equestria

After several hours of trying to reel in my stray thoughts, I folded down the corner of my page and got up, deciding I had to go talk to Draco. I walked out of the commonroom and up a few flights of stairs, my best guess being he was at the library. 

"Oh, Evans," someone called. I picked my gaze off the floor, and looked up to see a brunette ravenclaw boy.

"Oh, hi, McCain. Can I help you?" I didn't mean to sound rude, but it came off as standofish. I knew Dylan. He was nice, we sometimes talked or worked together on homework in the library, but I wouldn't call us close, so I was surprised that he stopped me

"Do you have a moment? I actually wanted to talk to you, if you've got the time," He said, rocking back and forth on his feet.

It was rude, but I didn't feel like sitting around and talking to him. I desperately wanted to go find Draco and fix things, and that was a million times more important than whatever it was he had to say.

"I'm actually in a bit of a rush, some other time, though," I said, taking a few steps forward.

"Right. I'll see you around, then." He said sheepishly. I just nodded, starting back on my path to the library. 

Draco

I looked up from the book I'd been absentmindedly reading for some time now, as footsteps tapped towards me. Equestria pulled out the chair next to me and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Draco. Come on, please just talk to me. You can't keep avoiding me forever." She said, her green eyes bright.

I didn't say anything. 

"Draco, what exactly are you so pissed about?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I didn't reveal my entire life secret to you the second we met. Is it the fact that I'm his sister? Or is it that I'm just a blood traitor to you now?"

I sighed, looking down at my shoes. "You lied."

"You're seriously hung up on that?"

"Yes."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry that upsets you."

"I miss you." I said, picking my fingernails. 

She didn't seem to be expecting that. "I miss you too."

"Can we stop this?"

"You're the one who started this."

"I'm sorry, then."

"Wow." She mocked. "Draco Malfoy, saying he's sorry."

"Oh piss off." I scoffed.

"You can come back to the commonroom now that you're done hiding from me,"She smiled.

"I was not hiding from you," I said defiantly.

"Of course you weren't," she said sarcastically. "Come on."

Rolling my eyes, I stood up anyway. Her and I walked together, catching up a bit on the past two weeks. 

"You know Professor Lupin?" Equestria asked, a bit out of the blue.

"Well yeah, I've had quite a few lessons with him," I shrugged, not sure what she was getting at exactly.

"Okay, you're going to think I'm crazy after saying this."

"Try me." I said, looking over at her. She looked ahead, so my eyes traced over her side profile, her curved nose and rosy cheeks. She looked over at me, and I looked away. 

"He took me aside earlier today and showed me this." She dug around in her pocket before handing me a photograph, worn with age.

"I don't understand?" I asked, running my eyes over the moving photo of four people and two babies.

" 'S him," she said, pointing to a tall man with sandy hair and scars across his face.

"Alright?" I asked, still not seeing where she was getting.

"And that's m'parents, and me," she pointed to a redhead woman and then a man who had the same prominent cheekbones and round eyes that she did.

"Wait, what does that mean?"

"Well, he's my godfather." She said, a smile picking up the corners of her lips.

"You're joking." I said, unable to take her seriously.

"Am not." She said. "He told me today, crazy, huh?"

"That's an understatement." 

I chose not to ask about the most good looking man in the picture, sleep black hair and a sharp jaw, not wanting to push her. 

"I've got family, after all," she said, obviously unable to let the subject fall flat, which I couldn't really blame her for.

"I'm happy for you." I said honestly. We fell into silence for most of the walk back, until someone stood in our way, a brown haired boy in blue robes.

"Uh, hey, Evans." He said. After a moment, I recognized him, he and Equestria studied together sometimes.

"Hi," She said blankly. She looked up at me. "Draco, do you mind, just a moment and I'll be right there?"

"Sure." I said, eyeing the other boy up and down, who was a few inches shorter than me. I stepped aside him, muttering the password and stepping into the commonroom. I sat down on the couch Equestria and I usually sat at, only to be met with a sharp pain in my hip.

I cursed under my breath as I pulled 'The Catcher in the Rye' out from between the cushions, one of the books Equestria had been reading. I shook my head, tossing it onto the table with a thud. She was so disorganized it drove me mad.

After a few moments, she stepped into the commonroom, her cheeks looking flushed just a little.

"What was that about?" I asked quickly.

"McCain asked me out. Like, a date." I couldn't tell if she was exactly happy, surprised, disgusted or a mixture of all.

"Oh?" My stomach panged slightly at her words. I didn't know why, she was my best friend, should I be happy for her? "What did you say?"

She sucked in a breath, putting her hands in her pockets and shrugging. "Well, I told him I'd go. Can't hurt, really."

"You've never mentioned him before." It was a statement, not really a question. She usually would make a throwaway comment about a boy that was particularly cute or something. "I didn't know you liked him."

"I guess I didn't either. But I suppose he's good looking. I mean, we'll just see how it goes, right?" She sighed, half grinning.

I tried to return her smile, but for whatever reason a wave of unpleasantness had settled in my chest. 

"And by then way, you need to stop leaving your books everywhere." I said, nudging the bright red cover with my foot so it slid towards her. "This was between the couch cushions."

"That's where it went!" She said, her face lighting up at the sight of it. "I'd lost it the other day."

"Maybe if you were a touch more organized, you wouldn't have that issue."

We sat in silence. But the thing is, with Equestria, the silence was never awkward or tense. It was an understanding, comfortable quiet. I guess we were both so used to being alone, we just enjoyed each others presence. I hated being alone, even if I was just doing homework, or reading, so we just always were together.

"'S about time for dinner," she said, closing The Catcher in the Rye with a glance at the clock. "Ready?"

It was Saturday, which meant we wouldn't go down to the great hall with everybody else. It had become our own little tradition to go down to the kitchens every Saturday while everyone was eating that had started about a year ago.

People flowed out of the common room and dormitories, out of the portrait hole and to the great hall. Equestria and I remained unmoving, waiting for the last straggling second years to leave. Just after the last ones had packed their things up and left, we'd stood and walked up the many flights of stairs to the colorful portrait of fruit. She reached up and tickled the green pear until it laughed, and swung open to let us is.

"Miss Evans, Mr. Malfoy," a house elf croaked in a squeaky voice, sweeping into a deep bow. "Alette is pleased to see you again!"

Equestria kneeled down. "You don't have to bow to us. We're friends, Alette." 

I couldn't help but smile. Equestria, was an exeptionally kind person despite all the walls she built around herself. You would think she would be spiteful and sour, but if anything it made her not want to be like that. 

The house elf's saucer sized eyes glowed with adoration. Several others came up to us, with trays of desserts and delacasies, making my mouth water. Equestria reached for a steaming hot apple pie, which I knew to be her favorite. She pulled up a stool and sunk down into it. I did the same, sitting next to her, and biting into a green apple.

"You and your apples," she mumbled into my ear. 

"Shut up," I muttered back.

The house elf catered to us, bringing drinks and so much food that would take us months to eat. Equestria and I did as we always did, and invited them to sit down and eat with us. Alette was very partial to Equestria, and sat close to her feet. I noticed her heels hanging out of the back of her too-small sneakers.

"You need to get new shoes," I nudged her.

"I know. What did you think, Rodolphus would just take me shopping?" She rolled her eyes, grinning.

"No, I s'pose not," I said, sinking my teeth into a creamy glazed bun. 

We talked a bit, just catching up and eating. Equestria rambled on and on about a Jane Austen book she'd finished up, which I didn't particularly take much interest in, but I couldn't stop her. Her eyes glowed when she talked seemingly endlessly about the characters and settings she was so deeply in love with. I couldn't help but admire her, how she was so invested into the lives of people she'd never meet and places she'd never visit.

"It's beautiful writing, really. Just amazing." She finished, taking a huge breath in and out. "We should probably get going," Equestria pushed herself up to her feet, taking a last bite of a pastry. "Thank you all, as usual,"

"Will we see you next week, Mr Malfoy and Miss Evans?" Said another elf, wringing his hands.

"Yes, of course." I smiled, stuffing my pockets with snacks and she did the same. Pansy and Lucas promised not to accompany us as long as we brought food back for them. It's not that I didn't like Pansy and Lucas; I did, it's just Equestria was different and I preferred to be alone with her. We strolled back to the common room, going unnoticed as dinner hadn't finished yet. We slipped back through the portrait hole, and not ten minutes later, all the Slytherin students came pouring in. Equestria went up to bed much earlier than normal, so I sat with Pansy by the crackling log fire until I went up to bed myself.

The heaviness in the pit of my stomach returned, just as it did when Equestria first told me about Dylan McCain.

I couldn't place the feeling, exactly. And that made it worse, not really knowing what it was. I drifted into an uneasy sleep, many hours after I had come up to my dorm.

Equestria 

I woke up on Saturday morning, with butterflies in my stomach. Instead of falling back to sleep, I got out of bed straight away and got into the shower. I took a bit of extra time washing my hair this time, probably a bit overexcited to meet Dylan today,

Two of the other girls in my dormitory were still asleep, so I was quiet as I put on a pair of black jeans and a big, chunky sweater, in a deep brown color that was my favorite . I brushed out my hair, which hung to my waist, before slipping my favorite sneakers on and walking down to the common room, to find Draco reading the daily proffit.

He furrowed his brows as I sat down next to him. Wordlessly, he handed me the paper.

"Sirius Black, mass murder sighted in London," I read the headline outloud. Draco looked at me waiting for a response.

"Lupin reckons he didn't do it, so I don't think he did." I sighed, impatiently. We already had this conversation multiple times.

"But Tria-" 

"Can we not do this right now?" I sighed impatiently.

He shut his mouth, nodding, but not looking content. "Breakfast?"

"Yes, I'm starving," I smiled, getting up and exiting the common room. We met Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle on the way down and we all entered the hall together. The great hall was full of whispers about Sirius Black, which could be heard immediately. 

"What do you think of the sighting?" Lucas said to nobody in particular, gesturing to the newspaper. I had asked Pansy to French braid my hair, and she had gladly agreed, her fingers busy in my still-damp hair.

I rolled my eyes, scoffing into my cup of black coffee. "It's a bunch of bullshit if you ask me," I answered.

"You reckon?" Pansy asked, pausing her braiding and biting into a piece of toast. "I mean, some of the sightings have to be fake of course, but somebody has to have seen Black somewhere. I'm not worried though. The ministry will catch him, I mean he can't hide forever, especially when practically everyone in the country is looking for him."

I didn't say anything, hoping to high hell that he wouldn't get caught. 

"What do you think?" Lucas asked, forking a piece of French toast, looking straight at Draco, who'd been wearing a sour expression all morning.

I looked at him, awaiting his answer.

"I mean, I think it's being upplayed," he replied simply, not taking sides.

I stayed silent for the rest of the meal, listening to the others talk about Sirius Black, lessons, homework, everything.

"Well, I guess I'll be going," I said, taking a final sip of coffee as I stood up. It was nearly 12:00, when Dylan had asked me to meet him at the lake for a walk in his letter. I put my two tight French braids over each shoulder, thanking Pansy.

"Why the hurry, Evans? Got a date?" Lucas joked at me.

"For your information, actually yes, I do have a date." I said smartly, smiling at Lucas. I expected him to tease me, seeing as he was sort of like a brother to me, but he stayed quiet as I left the table. I began walking out to the black lake, where Dylan was already waiting. He looked nice, in jeans and a blue collared shirt. He half smiled when he saw me, and in that moment, nervousness was piled high inside me, threatening to topple.

"Hey," he said awkwardly.

"Hey," I said, trying to keep my voice flat.

"I thought we could go for a walk? If you want?" He seemed even more nervous than I was.

"Relax," I smiled. "It's just me. That would be nice,"

His expression softened, as he ran a hand through his chestnut hair. Despite me being older, he was still a few inches taller than me. We started walking, around the edge of the lake.

"So," he grinned at me. "I feel like I don't know you very well,"

"There's not much to know," I smiled back. "I'm not a very interesting person,"

"Debatable. Tell me about your parents."

Of all the things he could have asked, he had to go with parents. What a brilliant conversation stopper. "They're dead." I said matter of factly. "Don't say you're sorry, it's fine! I didn't even know them. Just ask me something else." I added quickly.

"Okay," his expression only faltered for a second. "Then, tell me about your favorite class."

"Oh, astronomy. Easily. I love looking at the sky. And you?"

"Charms. I'm half blood, so I didn't grow up with magic. It's cool just seeing the little things wizards can do to make life easier."

"I'm half blood too," I commented.

"Really? I always thought being pure blood was a requirement for being in Slytherin." I couldn't tell if he was kidding or not.

"No. Don't get me wrong, some people are really awful about blood status, but it doesn't matter to me. We're all magic, after all," I said with a sigh.

"You're right. What's the common room like? I heard it's under the lake?" I found his curiosity almost endearing.

"Yeah, it's under the lake. You can see the water through the windows, sometimes we see mermaids. It's always freezing cold down there, though."

"I've never seen a mermaid. Are they pretty?"

"Quite the opposite. Nasty creatures, if you ask me. Mean too," 

"Blimey. I-" but he got cut off as a giant tentacles arose from the water, and splashed back down, spraying our feet with chilly lake water.

I grinned. "We see a lot of that,"

He laughed. My heartbeat raced as I felt his hand close around mine. I was sure he would hear my pounding heart through my chest, but I grasped his hand back. I looked up at him to see him blush profusely.

"So, what's your story?" I asked, genuinely interested in him.

"It's not a very special one,"

"Nonetheless, I want to hear it," 

He smiled. "I was born in the states, and me and my mom and my sister moved here when I was eight. My sister's in sixth year, she's a ravenclaw too."

"You've lived in the states? That's so cool, I've always wanted to go to New York," 

"I lived in a small city, it's really quiet. That's way under New York. It wasn't anything special, but it was really scenic there."

"Is that why your accent is different?"

"Is it?"

"You say your Os and As different." 

"I guess you could blame it on switching countries," he joked.

"I think it's weird. In a good way."

"Is that so?"

I sighed, smiling still. "I think it's boring to be exactly like everybody else, anyways."

The rest of that afternoon, it was really easy to talk to Dylan. We sat under a tree, our feet dangling dangerously close to the waters surface. He told me interesting stories about his home and the US, which I wanted to hear more of. Compared to him I felt like I hadn't done anything. He told me about a sport they have in the states called Football, which is where they throw a ball around and tackle eachother. It didn't make sense to me for a few reasons, one being that why would you call that football? Football was when you kicked a ball around and make goals. He explained that they called that Soccer in America which was just confusing. I enjoyed my time with him, but as the afternoon started to get chillier, we decided to head back to the castle.

"I had a really good time today, thank you," I told him before we walked inside, squeezing his hand.

"Thank you for saying yes," he said with a smile.

"I'll see you around, then," I untangled my fingers from his, turning to walk down the stairs to the common room. 

"See you, Evans," he called, walking down the corridor.

"Serpent," I muttered to the portrait, which swung forward to admit me to the commonroom.

Pansy rushed up to me the second I walked in."So how did it go?!" She squealed.

I smiled. "It was good. We just hung out. He's really sweet," I told her, sitting next to Draco on the sofa. I did like Pansy quite a lot, but her enthusiasm was sometimes overwhelming, she was very stereotypically girly.

"All was well?" He asked, putting down his book.

"Very much so," I said, twisting my ring on and off my finger, a nervous habit.

"Glad to hear it," his voice was monotone and stiff, as he put his feet on the table, returning to his book and not looking up at me.

Pansy rolled her eyes, before asking me about a zillion questions, which I answered, trying not to get annoyed.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you okay?" Everyone else had left the commonroom, but it was late and Draco was still sitting on the sofa.

"Yeah, Fine." He breathed. "Stressed out." 

"I get it. Can I sit with you?"

"I was hoping you would,"

I sat down next to him, staring at the embers in the fire that were slowly going out. Silence felt over us. I didn't know how long we sat there, but eventually I layed down on the opposite end of the couch, my legs over his. I guess at some point he put a blanket over us. 

"Are you sure you're good?" I asked, biting my cheek. I couldn't help but feel like he was upset with me.

"Better now that I'm not alone. The silence was heavy."

"Well I just make everything better, don't I?" Even though I couldn't see him in the near darkness, I guessed he was probably smiling and shaking his head. Vaguely, I remember dozing off, in the warm firelight, our legs tangled together under the slightly scratchy quilt.

//

A/N: this is literally my least favorite chapter of possibly the entire book, please don't base your idea of my writing off of this, I promise the story picks up soon.


	7. ~five~

"If we go down, then we go down together  
We'll get away with everything  
Let's show them we are better"  
-Paris, The Chainsmokers

Equestria 

The next few weeks were quite nice. I had seen Dylan twice more in the past month; we had sat on the astronomy tower watching the stars late one night. I had my first kiss, under the light of the constellations.

Today was going to be my first Hogsmede weekend. I had asked Lupin to sign my form, and he had declined, saying he'd talk to McGonigall privately. And sure enough, he'd let me know I was all set to go to Hogsmede.

Dylan had asked me to go with him, and I of course agreed. Draco had been in a bad mood after I'd told him that, but I suppose he was just annoyed I was spending my time with someone else, but he wouldn't talk to me. I felt bad anyways, I knew I had been kind of ditching him lately which wasn't right because I cared about him more than anybody. I planned to pick up some of our favorite fudge on the way home, and maybe we would do an all nighter in the common room like we did a lot of last year. 

I shut The Catcher in the Rye and bid a quick goodbye to Lucas, who was staying at the castle this weekend. I fixed my hair and re-tied the laces on my shabby, old converse and started my walk up the stairs, the beaten up soles tapping dully on the steps. I cracked my knuckles each individually, nervous energy pulsating through me, just like it did every time I went to see Dylan. 

***

Draco

I fumed silently as I sat across the pub, watching Equestria and McCain stare at eachother like lovesick puppies.

I couldn't hear them from where I was sitting, but I saw him say something that made her laugh her sweet, contagious laugh that always managed to make my heart just a bit lighter. I clenched my jaw. I was the only one that I'd ever seen make her laugh like that. Just everything was wrong with this. McCain wasn't a Slytherin, which hit a strange nerve with me and I hated how smug and cocky he always was. And how he would ruffle his hair when he talked to Equestria. And how he always half smiled, which made her blush tomato red. 

"Bloody prat," I muttered to myself, into the mug of hot butterbeer, as he took her hand, which rested on top of the table. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, his skin much darker than hers. Even from many yards away, I could see her cheeks flush pink. I wished I could just be a little closer, and maybe here what they were so deep in conversation about. But I knew Equestria would hex me into next week if she found out I was there, so I stayed put, watching them from a distance. 

I didn't notice Pansy until she was sitting down next to me.

"Hey," she said awkwardly, seeming unsure of what to say. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," I muttered stiffly, not taking my eyes off the pair of them.

"Are you? Because your knuckles are white from gripping the table so hard." Pansy asked, raising her eyebrows.

I looked down, and realized she was right, my skin as pale as snow. I released my fists, not really noticing how hard I had been holding the edge of the table.

She sat quietly, sipping her drink, which she'd brought over with her.

I shook my head as she moved closer to him, a smile crossing her perfect, porcelain features. 

"Draco, as much as you might not want to admit it, he's not really that bad. She seems like she really likes him." Pansy said softly, shrugging,

I didn't say anything.

"She's your best friend. Try to be happy for her." Pansy got up and walked back over to her friends, a table full of chattering girls.

I rolled my eyes. Like Pansy knew anything about this. But then again, neither did I, really. I didn't know why I wasn't just happy for Equestria. But I had this nasty gut feeling. 

My throat burned as I saw Equestria and Dylan lean even closer together, both of them smiling. Equestrias tilted her head to one side, their faces a few mere inches apart.

But I didn't stay, I couldn't watch anymore. I walked out of the Three Broomsticks, out into the snow. I pulled my jacket onto my shoulders, which still smelled like Equestria, because she'd been wearing it earlier. 

I walked up to the shrieking shack, figuring at least I could get some peace and quiet. But of course, bloody Granger and Weasley were already there.

"Ah, shopping for a new home, Weaselby? Looks a bit roomy for you, doesn't your family sleep in one room?" I put on a sneer, and tried to put some more power into my walk, which was previously hunched and defeated.

"Shut up, Malfoy," Granger spat, tugging on Ron's arm to lead him away.

"Don't believe I was talking to you, mudblood!" I said automatically. Immediately tensed and internally groaned. It just slipped out. Equestria has made me promise to stop saying that. 

"Don't call her that," Weasley growled. 

I was shocked as what felt like soaking wet ice dripped down my back, making my skin erupt in goosebumps at the sudden cold.

I whipped around, half expected Equestria to be standing there with her shit-faced grin, another snowball in hand, until I remembered she was probably snogging McCain until her lips were chapped.

But nobody was there. I turned and walked away, with a glare at the other two who were still standing on the hill overlooking the shrinking shack. I heard them laugh as a walked down the hill and back up to the castle. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Several hours later, Equestria came through the portrait hole along with Pansy. Pansy excused herself straight away, heading up to her dorm, mumbling a weak excuse about a headache. I pursed my lips as Equestria sat down next to me.

"How was hogsmede?" I asked, a slight edge to my voice, not looking up from my atithmancy homework I'd been starting on.

"Good," she said, furrowing her eyebrows, looking at me suspiciously. "I was with Dylan."

"Mhm," I mumbled.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing,"

"Yeah, well," she said, breaking the silence. "It was nice actually. We sat in the three broomsticks and had butterbeers. We took a walk down to the shrieking shack too, I hadn't ever been. I thought it was cool, 've you ever seen it?" She grinned.

"I bet you weren't just walking," I bit, annoyance rising inside me.

"Why are you being so weird?" Equestria met my eyes. Those forest green eyes...they could pierce through just about anything.

"Here," she smiled, her expression softening after she saw my tired eyes. She pulled out fudge from Honeydukes, which happened to be both of our favorites, something the two of us always shared.

"I'm good." I turned my head away, despite my mouth watering at the sight of it.

"What is your problem?" She asked bitterly, standing, sending her bag tumbling to the floor. Several students turned their heads at her, but if I knew one thing about Equestria, it was that she wasn't afraid to make a scene. Her eyes narrowed with hurt. "I though if anyone would be happy for me, it would be you, my best friend! Why can't you just focus on someone other than yourself for two seconds!"

And with that she stormed out of the portrait hole, shaking her head as she went, gathering her things in a rush.

"Equestria!" I called, my voice tired and strained. But she didn't turn around, quite the opposite actually, she flashed a rather rude hand gesture at me before she was out of sight, her footsteps echoing.

I sank back down onto the couch, staring at the floor. Thoughts swirled around in my head, in a rush I couldn't understand. It was frustrating, I felt like I didn't even understand what was going on in my own mind. Equestria was right, she was my best friend and I should be happy for her. If she liked him, I really had no reason not to, other than intuition. We had already fought more in the past few months than we had since we met, and I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault.

I got up, unable to just sit still and do anything. I walked out of the commonroom, letting my feet carry me up to the library.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Uh, hey," Equestria said softly, sitting down next to me in the library. Well, so much for my hiding place. I thought I could at least have a bit of exile here.

"Hey," I replied, somewhat uncomfortably.

"Are you avoiding me? I'm sorry if I did anything wrong, just please talk to me," she expressed, fiddling with the gold ring on her thumb. "I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you earlier."

"No," I said curtly, answering her first question though that was a lie, actually. I had been avoiding her, after I had seen her nearly kissing McCain in the Three Broomsticks, a heavy feeling was in my chest and only intensified when she was around.

"Well can we talk about why you're upset, then?"

"I'm not upset!" I bit, putting my book down probably a little too hard.

"Okay, sorry," she took a short breath in, looking almost timid. "Is this about Dylan?"

"No."

"Well who is it about? Me? You?"

"Nobody! Will you just leave me alone?"

She looked hurt, but fixed her expression after a moment.

"Sorry," I muttered, realizing what I'd just said.

"Don't be. Can I help?"

I didn't answer. "I have a bad feeling about McCain."

"I don't see why. Have you ever even talked to him?"

"Not...directly."

A tense silence surrounded us, swallowing up all of my words.

"I'm sorry I've kind of been ditching you lately. That's my fault. Honestly it's much more fun being with you," she half smiled up at me.

I grinned a bit. "Good. I've missed you,"

"Are we okay?"

The unpleasant feeling lessened, but it was still there. "Of course. Want to go hex the Gryffindor first years?"

I fought a smile. "You know me too well."

After an exhilarating half hour of practicing our jelly legs jinx on unwilling participants, we scurried through the portrait hole, stumbling and sweaty. Equestria bent over, hands on her knees to catch her breath. I sunk down onto the couch, undoing my emerald tie. She looked up, and with one second of eye contact, we were both doubled over laughing hysterically.

"I can't believe Filch chased us all the way to the fifth floor," she choked breathlessly.

All I could do in response was nod and clutch the stitch in my side from laughing too much. Equestria flopped onto the couch, still giggling, and pulled her hair up into a ponytail. She kicked her shoes off, which looked excruciatingly small.

"Worth the detention," I laughed.

"Totally. So do you think he's going to skin us alive?"

"Disembowl us, hang us by our ankles,"

She shook her head, her smile going from ear to ear. 

"I think I'm going to shower and then go see Professor Lupin." She stated.

"I was wondering when you would go see him again."

"Is that okay?"

"'S fine, I think I'll get started on the charms essay."

"I can help you with it when I get back, okay?"

"Sure. Have a good time," I smiled, and this time it was for real.

Equestria ascended the steps to the girls dormitory, and twenty minutes later she came out in jeans and a crewneck.

I did a double take. "Is that mine?" I asked, identifying the navy blue long sleeve.

She grinned stupidly, but I was used to her taking my stuff all the time. "I'll see you in a bit," she called walking out of the portrait hole.

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

I knocked on Lupin's door softly. It was a few moments before his mellow voice came from the other side of the walls.

"Come in," he sounded tired. "Equestria," he smiled wearily, seeing it was me in the doorway. I frowned as I sat down, noticing what looked like a fresh cut on his face. He ran his finger over it subconsciously, shaking his head slightly.

"Not to worry, just a misfiring spell in class,"

"You weren't at lessons last week, though?" I commented.

"I fell ill, a nasty bout of the flu. But Madame Pomfrey took good care of me, I'm good as new."

I didn't question him any further, though it didn't seem like his weak story was adding up.

"So what brings you here today?" He said kindly, his eyes meeting mine.

"I just...wanted to say hello. It's been a while." 

"Yes, it has. I apologize, I haven't written."

"No no, it's okay. How have you been?" I said, dancing around what I really wanted to ask.

"Fine, I'm doing fine. I saw you in the Three Broomsticks last weekend," he remarked with a knowing smile.

My face flushed red and my palms started to get sweaty knowing my godfather and seen me out with a boy.

"Not to worry, Equestria, I wasn't much better when I was your age," he chuckled.

I managed a weak smile. "Can I ask you something?"

"That depends. You can ask but I can't promise an answer."

I sighed. "Have you ever been in love?" 

He looked down at his hands, talking a deep breath in. 

"Yes. I have." He finally answered, meeting my eyes. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering...how you know, I suppose."

"There's no way to know. It's something special though. Something you'll only find once, I daresay."

"You think?"

"I am a firm believer that everyone has a soulmate. If you let them go, you don't love like that again."

I sighed. I don't know what answer I was hoping for, but I wasn't expecting that.

"Are you married?" I asked. I hated to sound so forward and nosy, but I did want to know. And if I had grown up with him and my parents, I would know anyways, right? I felt like me asking questions was justified.

He sighed deeply again, almost sadly. "I was. But they're long gone."

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked-" 

"No no, I don't mind. I'm your family, of course you have a right to know."

"Was she your soulmate?" I asked boldly.

"He was," Remus smiled nostalgically. I wanted to push and ask who, curious to know what had happened, but it didn't matter, I probably didn't know him anyways. 

We sat in silence for a few more moments before I stood up. 

"Well, I guess I should be going, I just wanted to say hello." I said as I pushed in my chair.

"Nice seeing you, as always Equestria." He smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. I opened the office door and walked out, not exactly feeling like my question was fully answered.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next month and a half was...perfect, honestly. I had found a balance between Draco and Dylan, Draco wasn't acting weird anymore and Dylan was as sweet as ever. It was Friday night, and Dylan asked me to meet him outside his commonroom. I couldn't help but get excited, it was always fun when him and I spent a bit of time together.

I couldn't wait any longer. I let my hair down, it dangling down past my hips. It was earlier than he'd asked me to meet him, but I was too impatient. 

"Bye Draco!" I called, smiling profusely as I practically ran out of the portrait hole.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco 

I heard someone walk through the portrait hole,and I drew my eyes up, surprised to see it was Equestria. She had a sort of daze in her eyes and she held tension in her jaw like she was thinking hard on something. 

"Equestria?" I said, standing up and walking over to her. The commonroom was almost completely vacant, most people had gone to dinner now. "Why aren't you out with McCain?"

She shook her head just barely, wiping her nose, which was running just a little. She refused to meet my eyes, staring down at the floor.

"He was there before me." She stated, which didn't help me get any more of a foothold on what was happening.

"I don't understand?" I asked, leading her over to the couch where we both sat down.

"He was kissing another girl." She said, looking down at her lap.

"You're serious?" I asked, clenching my fists. Part of me wished she was crying, because then at least I would know what to do. She was just staring blankly at her hands in her lap. She looked frustrated, but not angry or sad.

She leaned her head on my shoulder, making me tense a little. 

"That's awful, I'm so sorry Equestria," I leaned back onto the couch, letting her stay close to me.

"Months. I'd been seeing him for months. I mean I know we're still young, he was my first boyfriend, but I thought maybe he'd have a bit more class." She said, messing with the ring on her thumb.

"It's not fair to you at all. He's a jackass," I tried to be comforting, not knowing exactly what to say.

She sighed, curling her legs up under her and leaning her head into my shoulder more. I hoped she wouldn't hear my escalated heartbeat which was thudding in my chest uncontrollably.

"I don't get why someone would do something like that. I'd rather he just break it off rather than string me on, I suppose. I hate him." She said.

"It's not your fault, Equestria," I told her, standing up. "It's his, and don't blame yourself."

"I thought he really liked me," she sighed, looking up at me.

It was my turn to get up and pace. "Where was he?"

"Outside the ravenclaw commonroom...why do you ask?" She cocked her head at me,

I pulled my Slytherin sweater off over my head, just leaving my white button up on.

"W-what're you doing?" She asked me, her voice quavering just a bit. I pushed up my sleeves to my forearms, leaving half of my arms exposed.

"Well, the cheating prat needs a lesson, doesn't he?" I said with a breathless smirk, exiting the common room without another word.

"Draco-" I heard her call, but I ignored her. I shook out my wrists and cracked my knuckles, going up the several staircases towards the charms corridor. I heard rushed footsteps behind me that I assumed to be Equestria's. I picked up my pace, spotting McCain walking back towards the Ravenclaw common room. 

"You son of a bitch," I said, desperately needing to take all of my pent up anger out on somebody. And just as he turned around, I put all my force into a punch aimed square at his nose. I felt a satisfying crack beneath my fist, surely his nose was broken. 

"You're mad!" He shouted, in a nasally voice. I felt his knuckles connect with my jaw, practically making me see stars. I swung at him again and again, occasionally feeling him punch me back. 

"Draco!" I heard Equestria's familiar voice shriek from behind me, and I would've sworn I heard her trying to hide a laugh.

"Boys! That is quite enough!" and the next thing I knew, there was an invisible barrier between McCain and I. His nose was bent to one side, blood pouring out, spilling all over his front, painting the front of his uniform scarlet. His left eye was black and blue, and a sizeable cut on his forehead. My jaw was throbbing, I could practically feel a bruise blooming. 

"Hospital wing! Now, Malfoy! Seventy points from Slytherin!" Professor McGonigall yelled, pointing a crooked finger at me.

"Draco! Oh my god!" Equestria hissed, grabbing my arm. I winced slightly. I looked down at my hands, both of them swollen and my knuckles torn. She guided me down to the hospital wing. "I cannot believe you!" She was fighting a smile though, I could tell. 

"Ah well," I smirked, wiping blood off my bottom lip, "He had it coming, didn't he?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Madame Pomfrey had finally healed most of my injuries, though you could still clearly see the bruise on my jawline, and my hands still looked slightly purple from bruising.

My head shot up as the doors swung open, Equestria striding in. I couldn't tell if she was going to yell or laugh, because she was shaking her head but smiling at the same time. 

"You," she said, sitting at the end of my bed. "Are a complete idiot!" She reached up and touched my bruised chin, running her soft fingers over it. "But thank you."

I shrugged, grinning. "He deserved what he got."

"You broke his nose! And gave him a black eye! He looks much worse off than you, though, I just saw."

"It was worth the seventy points I lost."

"You'll never hear the end of it."

"They'll accept it if they know he was a cheating bastard."

She shook her head and sighed. "I would bet everyone knows by now." She paused and ran her finger over my still swollen my knuckles. "Are you okay? You were pretty bloodied up,"

"I'm fine, Madame Pomfrey healed me like she always does." 

"You really showed him." She couldn't help but smile. 

"He busted my jaw though, Pomfrey said it was fractured."

"McCain looks much worse."

"Good." 

We sat in silence for a few moments.

"Draco," she said, in kind of a forced way, looking down at the plain white sheets like they were suddenly the most interesting things in the world.

"Mhm?"

"I have something for you," she bit, reaching into her skirt pocket. I couldn't see what the object was. "These are called promise rings. Muggles give them to someone they care about a lot, and well- I mean, obviously I care about you a lot," she pulled out a velvet box and handed it to me. Upon opening it, I saw a matte black band with a strip of shiny silver through the middle. She extended her hand, and I saw an identical ring on her fourth finger.

I smiled broadly. "Thank you, Equestria."

"Not that I think it's going to fit your hand now, all swollen because you beat somebody to hell and back." She shook her head disapprovingly.

"But I beat somebody to hell and back for you," I smirked. Equestria's jokingly reached out and smacked me in the forehead. 

"You better beat Ravenclaw in the quidditch match next weekend." She said. I scowled at the thought of it.

"McCain isn't even on the team," I commented.

"It adds insult to injury," she shrugged, "Literally,"

I laughed. "I'll see what I can do."

I looked into her face. She really was stunning. I'd always known she was pretty but now... I saw her differently. Her nose sloped up at the end just slightly, her skin was smooth and pale, and her hair hung around her face like a dark curtain.

Not that we had a chance.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

I woke up, much later than usual on the snowy Saturday morning. I was up late last night, listening to Equestria pour her guts out to me, venting. She'd been a bit mopey, but was fine in a day or so, which sort of confirmed my theory that she didn't actually like him much in the first place.

"Hey," I said, sitting down next to her on the couch, yawning. Equestria nodded in response, looking back down at a book in her lap. "Any plans for today?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Not like I have a date," she replied sarcastically, eyes not moving from the print on the page.

"Come on," I looked down on my watch, it was past noon. "Let's go get some lunch, yeah?

"I guess so. We should do something today, I'm bored."

"That's the spirit." I grinned back, offering her my hand to stand up of the couch. She took it, her hands warm against my cold skin. "Seen the snow?"

She sighed happily. "I love the snow. I think it makes Hogwarts look like a...like a Christmas card."

"Yeah?"

"I think so." She said, letting go of my hand and walking over to the portrait hole. We slipped out of it, the hallways fairly vacant except for the occasional straggling first year or sixth year couple kissing in a corner. 

We reached the great hall, sitting down in the middle of the Slytherin table, near the others. 

"Where were you?" Pansy asked, pouring Equestria some pumpkin juice.

"I was up late last night. I just woke up an hour ago." Equestria explained, spooning some scrambled eggs onto her pearly white plate.

We ate leisurely, talking to Lucas, who was filling us in on his most recent rejection from a fifth year he fancied. Equestria and I got up after a quarter of an hour, and I'd suggested we go out for a walk in the snow.

She looked uncomfortable. "Can I borrow a pair of shoes?" I glanced down at her feet, remembering her worn out, way-too-small Chuck Taylors, where her heel was hanging out of the flattened back.

"You won't need to," I told Equestria as we reached the common room. "Give me just a moment." I called, disappearing up the boys' staircase. As I came back down minutes later, she was still standing there, with a quizzical look on her face.

"Here," I offered her a box that I had picked up in Hogsmede last weekend. She hesitated, taking it from me and opening the lid.

Her expression melted. She pulled out a brand new pair of black sneakers, in her size. "Thank you," she mumbled into my neck, hugging me hard. "You didn't need to do this, I feel bad-"

"Oh," I half laughed, "you expected me not to?" 

She grinned, stooping down, pulling the new shoes onto her feet and lacing them up. Equestria looked down, seemingly admiring her fresh-off-the-shelf shoes.

"Well let's go," she huffed, pulling on my jacket which had been missing for several days.

I rolled my eyes. "You have a whole closet full of your own clothes, but you constantly must take mine?"

Equestria shrugged. "Not my fault they're more comfortable," 

We walked out of the portrait hole for the second time that hour, but this time we ascended many staircases on our way outside. Snow was gently flurrying down, flakes speckling Equestria's dark hair like stars in the night sky. She wrapped her emerald scarf more snugly around her neck as we walked across the lawn. Equestria squatted down, picking up a handful of snow in her mittens.

"Do not!" I threatened, backing away a few steps. A shit-faced grin spread across her face, and the next thing I knew, a ball of snow hit me in the chest.

"Oh you'll pay for that one!" I shouted, scooping up the soft, fresh snow in my hands, slinging it at her as she ran from me. She let out a high pitched squeal as tried to run farther out of my reach.

"No way Blondie!" Equestria giggled, hitting me with a snowball that dripped down my collar. I could feel the goosebumps spreading over my skin.

"Oh so I'm Blondie now?" I laughed, throwing one that hit her in the back of the head, littering her hair with snow.

"You were always Blondie, I've just never said it to your face," she breathed, sneaking up behind me and shoving me into the snow.

I wrapped my hand around both of her Achilles, and pulled, sending her down to the ground with me.

"You twat," she laughed, shoving me slightly as we both flopped back in the freezing snow.

I started to laugh slightly.

"Hmm?" She asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

"We probably look like absolute ignoramuses right now,"

"And I'm okay with that," she sighed.

"And I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, the positive influence of Equestria Evans," I said in a fake announcer voice, to nobody but her.

"You're the best friend ever. I don't know what I would do without you." She grinned happily, her green eyes crinkling.

My stomach turned over. That's all we would ever be. Just friends.

But she was happy, so why should it matter?

We walked back to the commonroom, our backs wet and cold from lying in the snow. Equestria immediately sat by the fire, peeling off her soaked mittens and my jacket, laying them on the hearth to dry. I kicked off my shoes and hat and jumper, also laying them by the heat. Equestria hopped up on the sofa, pulling on one of her sweaters.

"Finally," I scoffed, sitting next to her. "You're wearing your own damn clothes for once,"

"Shut up," she muttered with a smirk, putting her feet on my lap and laying down on the opposite end of the couch, her head on a soft pillow. "I'm exhausted,"

She snuggled deeper into the couch. After several minutes in silence, two fifth years strode into the room. 

"Are they finally dating?" The girl whispered to the guy, just within my earshot. I furrowed my eyebrows. Is that what everybody thought of us?

"Merlin knows with those two. I hope so, I made a bet with Flint that they'd be together by Malfoy's fourth year."

I rolled my eyes and yawned, sleepiness hitting me, too tired to care. I noticed Equestria's breath was even and steady, so she was probably asleep. I moved her legs off of me so I could lay down too, our legs meeting in the middle and tangling together. I shut my eyes and drifted off into an uneasy sleep, I suppose from not getting much rest last night.

When I opened my eyes, I felt groggy and disoriented. I looked out the window to see the sun setting in the sky. Equestria stirred too, brushing her hair out of her face and rubbing her groggy eyes. 

"How long were we asleep?" She asked, her voice cracked. She reached out for a glass of water she had left on the table earlier, draining it in one sip.

"Thanks for sharing," I grumbled, looking at my watch. "It's 7:30, so a while,"

She groaned, flopping back down onto the couch. "I needed to do my History of Magic homework."

"Just do it tomorrow?"

"I don't do homework on Sundays, it's my policy." 

"I think its your way of getting out of your work."

"Everything would be much easier if you were in my year and I could just copy off you,"

"My apologies I was born a year later than you, must be very inconvenient that you can't slack off my homework, huh?"

"Very," she confirmed.

"Well, my deepest and most sincere condolences, Miss Evans."

She just laughed. It was refreshing to hear her laughing with me again, I really hated how she changed when she was dating McCain.

"Everyone, listen up!" The Prefect called, running into the room. Everybody looked up, startled. Equestria shot me a nervous look. "Down to the great hall, now! Dumbledores orders!" Sweat rimmed the prefects forehead, looking panicked. Equestria and I rose off the couch, ready to walk downstairs to whatever was going to mess up an otherwise wonderful day.

"Except you Evans." He said, staring directly at Equestria. She froze, looking from the prefect, to me, and back again. "Professor Lupin needs to talk to you privately,"

I tossed her her sweatshirt from over the arm of the couch, trying to give her a reassuring look, as all eyes were on her as she pulled her shoes on.

Whatever this was, I didn't have a great feeling about it.


	8. ~six~

"There's a piece of you thats here with me  
It's everywhere I go, its everything I see  
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by  
I can make believe that you're here, tonight"  
-Ocean Avenue, Yellowcard

Equestria

I walked nervously down the eerily silent corridor, my footsteps echoing hollowly. Everyone else had been ushered down to the great hall, for some unknown reason. But, of course, I was the exception. As quickly as I could, I hurried to Remus's office, trying to get my heartbeat to calm down. The castle felt deserted and empty, and for some reason it was unnerving being the only person in sight, the only person on this whole floor, probably.

The door was already cracked open a few inches when I reached it, so I stepped in. Lupin looked up at me, gesturing me to sit as he crossed the room to shut the door behind me, his face firm abs serious.

"Equestria, do you know why you're here?" He asked, his voice even and steady.

"No," I choked out, worry growing inside me. "What did I do?"

"Sirius Black was seen in the castle."

I couldn't fully comprehend what he meant. "What do you- wait, how?"

"I have no idea, to tell you the truth. The Fat Lady's portrait was ripped to shreds," Remus said, pacing back and forth behind his desk.

"Fat Lady?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

"Oh I forget that you're not-" he trailed off, shaking his head. "The Gryffendor's portrait," he explained.

"But why am I here?"

He met my eyes for the first time. "It's for your own safety."

"Alright, and? Why is everyone down in the great hall and not me?" I was getting annoyed, I wanted to know why.

"It's not worth you worrying over, Equestria," he said, dismissing my question.

"If it's significant enough for me to be singled out from hundreds of students, I think I deserve to know." I said defiantly.

He looked up at me, tiredness lining his face. I stared back stubbornly, though I should've known better than to press.

"You are so much like Lily..." he muttered after several moments, more to himself than me. "It is...it is my personal theory that Sirius Black seeks...contact with you. Or Harry. Or both." Remus sighed.

"Like...what kind of 'contact'?" I asked, trying to comprehend just what he was getting at.

"I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to, I don't know myself." He shrugged, sitting down at his office chair once again.

"Would he hurt us? I mean me?"

"Well that would have to depend what side of the story turns out to be the truth."

"So you're expecting me to just...relax and let this be? If you're right, oh goody! I have a family friend of my dead parents and everything is okay! But if you're wrong, I have a mass serial murderer after me? Oh wonderful! Why don't I just relax and have some tea? Flip a coin maybe, and see if I have to deal with a someone who served Voldemort who killed my mom and dad, or my dad's best mate!" I snapped, unreasonably angry.

"Of course I don't expect you to relax. Actually, Equestria, I would consider you to be quite stupid if you didn't keep your eyes open, because you're right. We have no idea what we're dealing with. And I couldn't forgive myself if you got hurt on my watch," Lupin said, staying calm despite the annoyance in my voice.

I didn't say anything.

"That's only half the reason I had you sent here, though." 

"Oh?" I asked, slightly embarrassed that I'd just shouted like I had. I'm not sure what else could warrant me being here besides having an alleged madman out to potentially get me.

"I've gotten special permission from Dumbledore to...grant you this experience." He rose from his office chair, walking to the door at motioning for me to follow, which I did. "But you must not tell anyone."

My mind immediately went to Draco. We didn't keep secrets from eachother, especially not now, I couldn't imagine not telling him something as important as Remus was making this seem.

"Which of course, I know means you will turn around and tell Mr. Malfoy," he said, his lips pulling up to hint at a small smile, as if reading my mind.

I followed him up, up, up, several staircases before a magnificent, detailed carving of a griffin stood before us. I studied its crisp, rock features that looked a lot like that of a hippogriff. The thought of it made me laugh. Draco was terribly scared of them now, though it would bruise his pride to say anything about it. 

"Sherbet Lemon," Lupin said, in a crisp voice, annunciating every consonant in the pair of words.

The ornate griffin spiraled downwards, revealing a twisted staircase up to an intricately detailed room.

"This is the headmasters study," Lupin told me, noticing my expression. "I take it you've never been here?"

I shook my head, taking in all the silver and bronze instruments on the shelves. Detailed paintings of who I could only guess to be previous headmasters were hung on the walls. Lupin crossed the room to a basin on the wall. He looked through several labeled, tiny jars that were organized on shelves.

"What is that?" I questioned, seeing a silvery substance in each jar.

"This is a pensive. You can relive a memory by pouring it in and rewatching it. Or, in our case, you can watch someone else's."

"I'm not sure I understand?" I asked, running my fingertips over the cold metal that I now wore around my ring finger, the ring Draco and I had matching.

"You don't need to." Remus said as he emptied one of the jars into the water in the basin. "Just watch. Go ahead, lean in. It's not water, exactly, you'll be fine."

I gulped, leaning in. When my face was a few inches above the surface, what felt like a magnetic pull took me the rest of the way. I felt like I was falling, but through something foreign. I landed far too softly, on green grass.

I looked up, feeling disoriented. I didn't recognize the scene around me, There was an archway, with jasmine growing over it. A man and a women stood, gazing into eachother eyes. First, I took in the woman. Her fiery hair was curly and rested over her pale shoulders. She wore a floor length wedding dress that in my opinion, made her look like a princess. I looked down at her torso. She was obviously pregnant, and looked young too.

I turned my attention to the man standing a mere foot away from her. His hair was jet black, and tousled in a way that made him look like he had just ended a game of quidditch. Thin, round-rimmed glasses rested upon his nose. He wore a pressed black tuxedo, and was a full head taller than the ginger woman. He smiled widely, like it was the happiest day of his life.

But this was a wedding, and they looked like the bride and groom, so I supposed it should be the happiest day of their lives.

A man standing between them was talking, a minister, but I wasn't particularly interested in whatever he had to say, but my attention was more drawn to two men sitting in the front row, holding hands. I hoped that since apparently this was just a memory, as Remus had said, people wouldn't be able to see me, so I took a few steps to stand in front of them.

I stooped down, trying to take in their faces. They both looked on the much younger side. One of the men was dashingly handsome, black curly hair falling to his shoulders. His facial features were pointed, but he looked happy, the ghost of a laugh playing on his lips. His fingers were laced around the other's hand. I brought my gaze to the other man, who had sandy, dark blonde hair. He looked skinny, but that's not what intrigued me. Several scars went across his face, from his left eyebrow down to the bottom of his lip on the right side.

The same scars Remus had.

But, this had to be someone's memory, so I guessed it was him. All the guests started to clap at once. I spun around to see the man place a chaste kiss on the red haired woman's rosy lips.

Everything became a big blur of colors, swirling around me like a tornado. My heart rate picked up once again, hammering on the inside of my ribcage.

And then my feet hit the ground again, this time on a hard tile floor, fluorescent lights beating down on me. A hospital bed, with the same red haired woman I had seen getting married seconds ago.

But this time, she was holding what looked like a newborn baby in her arms, pale skin with dark hair. Four men stood around her, one being the man she was married to. He was crouched next to the bed, stroking the back of his wife's head with one hand, and the other resting on the baby.

I recognized the men I had seen sitting in the front row. The couple was holding hands again, and I saw a few more marks littered the tall, dirty blonde man's face. The curly haired one looked up and kissed him on the cheek, making young Remus blush, his cheeks flushing bright pink.

Was this the soulmate he had mentioned previously? I couldn't help but wonder.

But another, much shorter man is hadn't seen previously was there too. Slightly cubby, with thinning hair, he gazed at the newborn baby, a look of what was undeniable anxiety on his face. 

"Relax, Pete, Evan's is the one who just went through nine hours of labor," the dark haired man said, playfully poking the shortest man.

Evans? As in Lily Evans? My mother?

"James, it's Potter now! And it has been for four months!" The red haired woman grumbled, shaking her head at the man, a smile poking at her tired face.

Oh my god. I was looking at my parents. A much younger version of them, holding what I could only gather to be a much younger version of me. 

I had to take a deep lung full of air, not realizing I had been holding my breath. My parents. Besides the photograph, I'd never seen them, not properly. I was almost fascinated, my mother was so beautiful, with her freckled face deep ginger hair.

"Maybe we could have one of these little guys one day, Moony," the man with curly hair said, grinning cheekily at young Remus.

"Yes Sirius, you let me know when you figure out how that's possible," he said, rolling his eyes.

Sirius...as in Sirius Black, potential mass murderer? My lips fell apart, and I was taken aback slightly. Some puzzles pieces were fitting together now but I felt that there were still gaping holes I didn't understand, questions filling my brain.

But that man, no older than twenty or so, laughing, holding his boyfriend's hand didn't look like a murderer.

At least I really, really, really, hoped not.

Once again, the room started spinning, picking up speed too quickly for my liking, making my stomach turn over and make me nauseous. Everything once again just turned into a blur before I was standing in a new room. This lighting was much softer on my eyes, I turned my head left and right, taking in a homey looking flat, with the same five people I had seen.

I couldn't help but smile. My dad sat at the end of the couch, his arm around my mom who snuggled into his chest, smiling at the scene in their living room. I saw Remus, sticking his tongue out at a baby girl with black hair and piercing green eyes who was sitting on his lap. The toddler kept throwing her head back in laughter. 

I had seen Sirius Black on the wanted posters all over London, and in the daily prophet. But seeing him here, probably something like twelve years ago, holding a little laughing baby, I would've staked my life on the premise that he was in prison for a crime he didn't commit.

My thoughts racing, I pushed them aside to take in my parents. My mom's face was sweet and soft, freckles dotting her nose and undereyes. I looked a lot like my dad, just like Remus had said, now seeing him in person. His sharp jaw and dark hair were mine, but my eyes were the same shade of brilliant green as my Mom's. I smiled sadly, knowing I would never see my parents in life. Only in distant memories through somebody else's eyes.

I shifted my attention over to Remus and Sirius, sitting close together, each with a child on their lap. Sirius had his arm around Remus's shoulders, holding him close. He had a lot of intricate tattoos down his upper arms, colorful ink spreading across his skin in patterns and pictures.

"You know," Remus said quietly, just to Sirius, "I think I would like one of these,"

And before I could hear or see anything else, I was jerked out of the scene. It took me a moment to remember exactly what happened. Remus, much older than I had seen him mere seconds ago, stood before me, smiling hopefully.

"What did you think?" He asked. But all I could do was smile it response. He'd given me the bets gift I could possibly ask for. I got to see my parents, when we were all a family. When we were happy. Not separated through plains of mortality.

~~~~~~~~~~

I pushed open the doors to the great hall. Many heads turned to face me, disturbing the silence in the room. Keeping my gaze at the floor, I walked over to where I saw a platinum blonde. I sunk down next to Draco, still slightly shaken, but in a good way, from those memories. Everyone was in squashy purple sleeping bags, scattered over the floor like sprinkles on a cookie.

"Where the hell were you?" Draco breathed, so only I could hear.

I smiled but shook my head. I would tell him eventually, but tonight wasn't that night.

I layed down in my sleeping bag, and shut my eyes, savoring the images of my parents, Sirius, Lupin, Harry and myself danced through my thoughts, lulling me to sleep like sweet, distant whispers of a life I'd never know. 

We woke fairly early the next morning, to the sound of Dumbledore clapping his hands, which echoed loudly through the hall. I opened my eyes, rubbing them, to see Draco sitting up. His hair wasn't styled like it usually was, and I liked it better. I hadn't slept much yet again, still dwelling on the memories Lupin had showed me the night prior. I sat up, propping myself up on my elbows and turned to look at Draco, who looked miserable, but I could hardly blame him. My back was sore from laying on the hard ground all night, and Draco was rubbing the back of his neck, which I could only assume was stiff.

"What happened last night?" He said under his breath, running a hand through his hair.

"It's-" I noticed Pansy and Lucas and several other Slytherins within earshot. I shook my head. "Later." I whispered.

He looked slightly annoyed but nodded his head.

"Everyone, I require your attention for just a few moments," Professor Dumbledore announced to the hall at large, standing at the doors. "If you are not apart of Gryffindor House, you may not know what happened last night."

"Do you know?" Pansy asked, nudging me in the side.

"No," I lied.

"Sirius Black was spotted in the castle last night." Dumbledore continued, pausing as not-so-hushed whispers arose from three out of the four houses. "The castle has been thoroughly vetted, no sign of Black. I simply wanted to address this so no individual is solely dependent on the rumors that I know will surface in the next few days. You may go,"

Everyone rose from their sleeping bags seemingly at once, in a rush towards the door. I felt a hand on my shoulder as I reached the door.

"Professor Dumbledore wishes to speak with you," Professor Snape drawled, looking me dead in the eye. "Only you, Miss Evans, there is no need to accompany her Mr. Malfoy." He shot at Draco who had made a move to come with me. 

Draco scowled at Snape, before turning back to me and nodding before he turned to go down to the dungeons. I fought my way through the sea of students, up to the headmaster's study where I had been for the first time not twelve hours ago.

Professor Dumbledore sat behind my desk when I entered the room.

"Ah hello, Equestria. Sit, please," he smiled, a chair already pulled out in front of his desk. "I was wondering, if you don't mind, what you thought of what Professor Lupin showed you last night?"

I swallowed, not particularly wanting to go through it with a man whom I had never personally spoken to before.

"It was nice, thank you," I mumbled quickly.

"I'm very glad you thought so. It was all Professor Lupin's idea." He said, a little too cheery for my liking. "What I really want to talk to you about, Equestria, is Sirius Black."

My heart dropped slightly at his words. "I already know, sir,"

"Oh? To what extent?"

"I know he was my fathers closest friend and was dear to my family. I know he could potentially want to hunt me down and to be careful, I've already went through it with Remus," I said tiredly, my want to be by the lake with Draco intensifying by every second.

"I was simply hoping to put down some rules for your safety if something like this happens again."

"You anticipate this will happen again?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Professor," I added hastily, to not sound disrespectful.

"I do, unfortunately, I do," he said with a small sigh. "And in the event that it does, I want to tell you these things now so it doesn't come as a shock to you. Should we have another break in, I would ask you to not attend quidditch matches or visit hogsmede village, and to not walk anywhere alone."

"Okay," I bit hastily, standing up, even though it didn't sound like he was finished. "May I leave?" I asked, not bothering to hide the discontent in my voice.

With a nod from Dumbledore, I left, hurrying down the stairs as quickly as I could without running. The commonroom was crowded when I entered, students of all ages buzzing about the news we had received. Some looked scared, others exhilarated. I scanned the crowds for Draco, and once he saw me, he sprang up and walked over to me.

"Let's get out of here," I muttered to him. It was so loud, so many conversations going at once, I couldn't even think. "Can't even hear my own thoughts."

Him and I stepped out of the portrait hole, walking up a few flights of stairs, and out onto the frozen grounds. The wind was cold, nipping at my exposed hands and neck. I pulled my jacket tighter around me, grateful there was only an inch or so of snow of the grass, but the harsh wind made it feel much colder outside. We stopped walking at the waters edge, staring out onto the frozen lake.

"He showed me memories of my parents. When everyone was there. Him, Black, my mother and father, me, and Harry," I broke the silence, still looking into the distance.

"Is that good or bad?" Draco asked, turning towards me. His nose and cheeks were red from the cold in the air.

"Honestly, it was amazing. It was the greatest thing I've ever seen. I got to see my family together and happy. I could've had that. It makes me...nostalgic for something I never had. It's bittersweet, I guess,"

He nodded, mulling over my words. "What did you see?"

"I saw my parents wedding. And I saw the day I was born, and one day when I was maybe two, just at their old house." I smiled, remembering my dad holding my mom close. "It wasn't a special day, but that makes it the most special thing in the world to me."

"Does Potter know?" Draco asked, like he did any time I revealed anything about my family.

"I don't think so," I bit my lip. I did wonder why Lupin chose to tell me and not Harry; I was only a year older. But I guessed it was because of my...situation. "I think I'm starting to believe Lupin when he says I look like my Dad. I think I do,"

"I'm glad you got to see them, Tria," he said smiling, half hugging me. I didn't pull away, relishing in his warm touch, leaning into him.

I stood up straight again awkwardly, not really sure why I did that. I put my hands in my pockets, fidgeting with the bronze band on my thumb. We stood there for a few more moments, looking at the snow falling softly. 

"You know, I actually-" Draco turned to look at me while I started talking. I paused, mid-sentence, looking at him dead in the eyes. "I didn't know your eye were blue," 

"What?"

"Your eyes, they've always been grey. They're definitely blue."

Draco looked at his feet. "We should probably go back up to the castle."

"Oh. Okay," I was a little surprised by his change in mood, but I didn't say anything. "Any plans for today?"

"No, I think me and Pansy are going to do the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay. And I have quidditch practice this afternoon."

"Right. Me and Pansy will come watch."

We stayed fairly silent in the rest of our walk to the commonroom, besides exchanging polite hellos with Professor Sprout. A lot of the noise had died down when we got back to the commonroom, mostly just chatter or people doing homework. Lucas and Pansy sat on one of the couches, apparently waiting for us, playing a game of wizards chess. It looked as though Lucas was losing abysmally, and Pansy winning with minimal effort. Draco sat down next to him.

"Knight to E6," Draco muttered, sending a pearly white piece to destroy Pansy's marble bishop. I rolled my eyes. Draco had taught me to play chess in my second year, but not only was I not good at it, but I found it mundane and would rather play exploding snap. 

"That's brutal," I hissed, when a black bishop smashed a white knight.

"We are not playing more exploding snap, I can't stand it anymore!" Said Lucas, taking a jab at one of the only games I liked to play.

"Oh, shove off. That's better than this, which you're losing anyway Harvey."

~~~~~~~~~ 

Pansy and I trudged out to the quidditch pitch, much later in the afternoon. It had gotten colder outside, I was bundled up in a jumper and coat with gloves and a Slytherin scarf. I hadn't seen Draco practice in a while, the last practice was when I had a date so I hadn't been able to watch, but I was excited to see the team fly again. I wished I was coordinated enough to play quidditch, because I really had loved the one time Draco took me out on his broom.

"Draco's really glad you came," Pansy said to me softly as we sat down in the first row of the stands. "I probably shouldn't say anything, but he was actually a bit torn up that you missed the last ones."

I felt a pang of guilt, knowing I'd been with Dylan during his last few practices. "I won't be missing any more."

~~~~~~~~~~

Draco

"Malfoy, wake up,"

Groggily, I opened my eyes, sitting up in bed. Lucas stood next to me, worry etched onto his face.

"What's wrong?" I said, my throat dry, rubbing sleep out of my tired eyes.

"Sirius Black was seen in Gryffindor tower. You need to go see Evans." Lucas explained, pulling a jumper on over his pajamas. "I was just down in the commonroom. We have to go down to the great hall but she won't leave without you."

I sprang off my bed, swiping a hand through my hair and pulling on my shoes. I rushed down the stairs without another word. Equestria stood, picking at her fingers, chewing her bottom lip.

"He's here again," she whispered, wrapping her cardigan around her more tightly. We started walking to the great hall, following the flow of students. It had been a few months since the last time Black was spotted in the castle, and her and I had really been hoping it was a one-time affair. I couldn't tell you which one of us it was, but somehow our hands ended up intertwined, our fingers locked together. I squeezed her hand, trying to comfort her just slightly.

"Any idea what time it is?" She asked, biting her cheek.

"4:17 in the morning," I told her with a glance at my watch, which was on my free wrist. 

"Well I guess last night was the last Quidditch match I'll be seeing for a while. What a bad end." Equestria shook her head as she said it. My stomach dropped at the memory of our dismal defeat against Gryffindor from yesterday's match.

"Can't we just do another invisibility charm?" I asked.

"Normally I would say yes, but this isn't my blatant disregard for the rules, this is my fear that we may have a mass murderer out to get me," She pushed her long, raven-colored hair off of her shoulders with her other hand.

"Right," I said awkwardly. I knew Equestria loved quidditch matches and going into hogsmede.

We walked into the hall, among several fifth year slytherins and a group of young hufflepuffs. The same purple sleeping bags were layed out in bunches on the floor. Some students had already settled in, others sat upright talking to their friends. 

I scanned the Gryffindor side of the room, and as I suspected, Potter wasn't there. Neither was Weasley, but a bushy-haired Hermione Granger was sitting with Longbottom and the youngest Weasley sister.

Equestria sat down on one of the sleeping bags, and I sat down next to her. She put her head in her hands, and I noticed goosebumps creeping up her arms.

"Cold?" 

"I always am."

"I don't know how, it's a billion degrees in here."

She sighed, barely showing a smile. "When will we ever just have a normal year? One with no chambers of secrets or murderers that may or may not be related to me?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say not while Potters here,"

"Me or him?"

"Both of you."

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

I opened my eyes, and I was in the Slytherin commonroom, people everywhere, in the midst of conversation. I rubbed my eyes groggily. I noticed Draco sitting across the room, laughing and talking with a horde of people around him. Everything felt...blurry. Surreal. I walked over to him, but it felt like I was trudging through thick mud.

"Draco, how did we get up to the commonroom? What happened last..." but I trailed off at the look he was giving me. Disgust lined his face.

"Get away from me, Evans! And it's Malfoy to you," he sneered, earning a few laughs from the people around him.

"Draco? What are you talking about?" My head was spinning.

"Evans, I don't know what you're on about. Why are you talking to me, you filthy half blood?" Draco scoffed, as his other friends jeered at me. I felt like I couldn't move. Couldn't react. I didn't know what to do. I looked into his eyes. Unmistakably, they were gray as slate.

With a jolt, I woke up. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, closing my windpipe. Panicked, I looked around. I was still in the great hall, with hundreds of other sleeping students. My head snapped left, desperate to lay eyes on Draco.

"Draco!" I whispered hurriedly, putting my hands on his shoulders. He sat bolt upright, blearily.

"Equestria?" He croaked, half yawning. "Equestria?" He said again, more seriously, seeing my face. 

I hugged him, hard, holding in the tears that smeared my vision. Draco seemed confused at first, but hugged me back, holding me reassuringly. It was a silly thing to cry over, really. It was a bad dream, that's all.

"It was just a dream," I breathed, half choking, just trying to get my breathing back to normal. "Just a dream," I whispered again, as if trying to convince myself.

"What was just a dream?" He said softly, careful not to wake anyone. 

I shook my head, not that he could see because I was still squeezing him tight to my chest. 

After a few more moments, I pulled away.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Concern was drawn all over his face.

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Time?"

"Nearly seven in the morning," Draco said after raising his wrist to check his watch.

"What exactly can we do? It's not like we can just...walk out." I said, running my hands over my forearms in an effort to warm up a bit.

"No, but the prefects have been patrolling all night. We can talk to them, just see what's going on."

"Will they tell us?"

"The girl prefect knows my family, I've known her for a while, she'll tell me. Her name's Louise Selwyn."

I nodded again as we stood up as silently as possible, tiptoeing out of the hall, stepping around students like mines on a battlefield. Draco pushed the doors open, only creaking slightly as we walked out. 

"What are you doing awake!?" Snapped the Gryffindor prefect, who I recognized as Percy Weasley. "Get back in the hall!" Draco rolled his eyes.

"Lay off, Weasley." Said a smooth, collected voice. A girl with deep brown hair and blunt bangs stood with her arms crossed. "Did you need something, Malfoy?"

"Yeah yeah, nice to see you too, Selwyn." Draco bit facetiously.

"I've never been one for small talk. Who's your friend?" The girl asked. She was tall and slim, her skin a dark brown. 

"This is Equestria." He said, gesturing to me. I nodded politely, pushing my hair behind my shoulders, which was tangled, and I suddenly felt self conscious, seeing as the girl Draco introduced as Louise was absolutely flawless. "We were wondering what happened last night."

"All the Sirius Black cock-and-bull. He's obviously not in the castle, he'd be the biggest dimwit in the world if he lingered. Dumbledore is being his usual self, horribly overprotective and worried about what doesn't actually matter. It's going to be fine, don't waste your breath stressing out." Louise said all in one breath, checking her nails like it was the last thing she was concerned about.

"Dumbledore is doing what's best for the safety of the students and-" Percy started, his voice nasally and annoying as anything.

"Christ, Weasley, you do know that nobody can bloody stand you? If Dumbledore is so smart, how come we've had not one, but two breakins? Just shut your mouth, that'd do everyone a favor!" I snapped, whipping around towards the redhead who looked dumbstruck. 

"That is highly inappropriate! Ten points from slytherin, and back in the hall, you two!" He said, his freckled face getting red.

"Don't dock points because she's right, Weasleby. Fifteen points, Evans." Louise shot. Percy looked livid, but didn't say anything and stormed off, muttering under his breath.

Louise nodded approvingly. "I like this one, Draco."

~~~~~~~~~~

"So I was meaning to ask you something," Draco said as we were sitting in the library many hours later.

"Mhm?"

"My motherwrote to me last week. My parents are hosting a big fancy Valentine's Day gala, for a bunch of pure blood families. And I mean, it's traditional to take whoever you're dating. Which of course I'm not dating anyone! And well, I suppose we aren't together- I mean we obviously aren't together! And you wouldn't normally be invited if it were up to my parents, because of your parents but I was just wondering-"

"You want me to come?" I said, smiling at his sputtering and his face flushing.

"Only if you want to. You know my dad, it'll be much more bearable with you there. It's just one weekend, my mum would come get us and you can stay a night at the manor."

I nodded. "Yeah, I suppose so. Do we have to act like we're....together together?"

"I- I don't think so. You don't mind dancing though, right?"

"I probably have two left feet, I've never danced, but I'll try. Why are they having a ball?" I asked.

He shrugged. "They used to do it a lot more when I was younger. Socializing or whatever, I suppose."

"Sounds boring, but I'm in. I don't have a dress, though. I suppose I can ask Pansy, see if she's got anything. Or maybe she can stop by Madame Malkins next hogsmede weekend." I smiled, it was almost funny seeing Draco so flustered.

"I'll write to my mom and let her know, she'll be happy to finally meet you," Draco said, moving to get up.

"What do you mean, 'finally'?" I asked. "You tell her about me?"

He hesitated. "Sometimes." 

"That's sweet."


	9. ~seven~

And when I was younger, I knew a boy and a [girl],   
best friends with eachother,   
but always wished they were more  
Conan Gray, The Story

Equestria

Mrs. Malfoy had shown up early on Saturday morning, the day before Valentines' Day. She was a slim, pale woman that resembled Draco, with heavily pointed cheekbones and soft, dark eyes. Draco and I had special permission to leave for the weekend, along with several other pureblood students, though I didn't know who yet, aside from Louise Selwyn and Pansy. Mrs. Malfoy, Draco, and I walked just past the line of the grounds and from there she offered each of us an arm.

"Have you ever apparated?" Draco asked me, not taking hold of his mother's forearm just yet, peeking in front of her at me.

"No, never," I replied. I had heard it was a rather unpleasant sensation, especially for the first time, and I hoped my very weak stomach wouldn't give in.

He raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. "Good luck, then."

I swallowed, taking Mrs. Malfoy's right arm. Almost immediately, I felt like I was being squeezed through a tube that was much too small for me. My lungs felt like a balloon getting the air let out, and the pressure in my chest was building. Right as I felt like I was going to pass out, my feet slammed into the ground. I took a deep breath of the crisp February air, my lungs expanding. I bent down, hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath again and calm my stomach down, which was churning from the feeling. 

"Are you alright? Rather nasty, isn't it?" Narcissa said kindly, wrinkling her nose with a small smile.

All I could do was nod, picking up my trunk that contained my things after regaining my composure. I looked up, and my lips parted, taking in the spectacular mansion in front of me, standing tall and looking over the three of us in front of the magnificent house. A tall iron gate surrounded the property, and pearl white peacocks roamed the ground, strutting gracefully.

Narcissa started walking towards the manor, Draco staying a few paces behind to walk with me. The gate swung open at Mrs. Malfoy's touch, and she pulled open the door to the house. Ornate metal snakes were twisted around the handles, with striking emerald eyes that glinted in the late winter sun, sparkling.

"Draco will show you up to your room. I will get you when dinner is ready, and guests will be arriving at seven-thirty. Make sure you're both ready." She said to me, taking off her coat and hanging it on a rack with clawed golden feet. Everything in this house seemed so ornate and expensive, I suppose I'd underestimated his families wealth.

"Come on," Draco smiled, as he started to walk up the spiral staircase. I ran my hand along the smooth, cold, marble banister. A glittering crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, intricate diamonds hanging from it. When the gems caught the sunlight, they sparkled, reflecting beams of light.

"It's really gorgeous here," I breathed once we reached the top of the staircase, surveying everything in sight.

"You think? I've always just thought it felt...unfriendly." Draco said, looking back at me.

"Well I'm here now, so it can't be all that bad," I grinned mockingly.

Draco shook his head with a smile, sliding his hands, and led me down the hall, with two bedrooms across from eachother.

"This one's yours," he said, leading me into the one on the right. The room was as big as the whole entire commonroom, a massive bed with a canopy and dark gray bedspread was on the farmost left wall. The floor was a light brown hardwood, that was smooth and polished like it had just been cleaned a thousand times over. A tall, oak bookcase leaned up against one of the walls. I set my trunk down, scanning over the room. It was gorgeous, unarguably.

"I'll show you mine, 's right across the hall from here," he said, smiling at my expression of amazement.

We stepped across the hall and into a room decked out with silver and deep green. Compared to this room, the other looked like nothing. Intricate paintings and velvet curtains graced the wall, and his initials were enscribed on a plaque on the door. I stared around the room, taking it all in. 

"So," he said, biting his lower lip. "What do you think of the place?"

"I think it's wonderful," I murmured. Draco crossed the room and sat on his bed. After a few more moments of looking around, I sat next to him.

"Tonight's going to be terribly boring, you know?" He commented, turning his head to look at me.

"Is it?" I asked.

"If it's anything like when I was younger, yeah. A bunch of other pureblood families come, and the adults talk and drink champagne. All there is to do is dance really, and my father usually wants me to be dancing. I suppose it's not a good look if I'm just sitting around."

I scoffed. "So he'll be there?"

"Yes. I don't know if he'll come for dinner though, I hope he doesn't. My mother's nice, really. It's just different around my father. 'S hard for her, and all."

I nodded, biting my tongue. Draco knew his father was a horrible person, but he still wanted to impress him and hated himself for that. I knew he didn't need reminding, it was a sensitive subject and I never pressed about it.

"I think Pansy'll be there. Louise Selwyn and Marcus Flint too." Draco said, filling the silence.

"Does your father know I'm half blood?" I said quickly, ignoring what he said, the question pressing on my mind.

Draco sighed and he seemed like he was contemplating us next words very carefully. "I don't know. I think he knows that you were raised by the Lestranges. He wouldn't question it because you're 'one of us', but I know you're not. We're not."

"We're not. And we won't ever be." I confirmed. "Right?"

"And we won't ever be." He breathed.

"Promise?" I asked, sticking my pinky out.

"Promise on our rings," he grinned, locking his pinky around mine.

I looked up, into his pale blue eyes that reminded me of rain on a cool spring day, refreshing and beautiful.

I couldn't look away, it felt like I was magnetically drawn to him in every sense. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"Draco, dinner," a voice said softly from the other side of the door, knuckles drumming softly against the wood in a hushed knock. Narcissa opened the door a few inches, just peeking in. "Your father is here," 

Draco's laughter from a few seconds ago faded, his mouth pressed into a line. I looked over at him and watched his expression fade. The two of us had just been laughing so hard my sides had started to hurt, but you would've never known by looking at his face 

"Come on. We don't have to stay too long," Draco said, his voice going flat and monotone.

I nodded, and he opened the door out of his bedroom, letting me go in front of him. We walked down the winding staircase, and into the dining room. The table was enormous, probably could fit two dozen people. Another chandelier hung from the ceiling, but this one was gold and somehow looked more expensive and detailed than the other one. A man with long, blonde hair and a menacing air around him sat at the head of the table.

"Father. This is Equestria." Draco said, his voice flat. Lucious inclined his head slightly. This was the first time I'd ever come face to face with him, and he was definitely just as Draco had made him sound.

Intimidating.

"Ah, nice to meet you, Miss Evans. I've heard much about you," he said with narrowed eyes.

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Malfoy," I tried to sound confident, but he already seemed so condescending.

Draco pulled out a chair for me, and then one for himself so he was seated between me and his father. Narcissa came in holding a honey glazed ham on a silver platter. The silver goblets bearing the Malfoy family crest magically filled with water. With a flick of her wands, our plates were filled, a carving knife hacking away at the golden ham with nobody there to hold them.

The room was filled with silence, only hearing the scraping of knives on our plates.

"The Zabinis won't be attending tonight," Lucious drawled, looking at Narcissa. "I believe Miss Zabini fell ill."

"That's a shame." She said quietly, keeping her eyes down

"Speak up, haven't I told you that?" Lucious snapped, annunciating every word he said, putting his goblet down with added force.

Draco's knuckled went white, clutching the sides of his chair. Goosebumps rose on the back of my neck. I half wanted to reach out and take his hand in mine, like he would do to me sometimes.

"I'm sorry." Narcissa said clearly.

Everyone went quiet again, for what felt like hours, but in reality was only ten minutes.

"Father, if we may be excused, I think it's time we start getting ready," Draco spoke up, standing. The way he talked to his own father was so professional, like he was a supervisor or teacher.

"Very well."

Draco pushed his chair back in, and I stood up doing the same. He led me out of the large room, and I could feel Lucius's eyes on my back.

Once we were upstairs, Draco let out a breath.

"Terrible." Was all he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It's only for one night," I rubbed my forearm. I reached out, tentatively brushing my fingertips over the top of Draco's other hand which rested on the banister.

"I guess so. We really should start getting ready. Just come in when you're done?"

"I will." I half smiled, more for his sake. I lingered am extra second or two, before I walked into the room, shutting the door being me. I sighed, pulling out the dress that Pansy had picked out for me. It was floor length, snowy white from the waist down. A line of rhinestones separated the skirt part from the cold-shoulder long sleeve black top. I had borrowed a pair of Pansy's simple black high heels that were thin and strappy. I didn't pull on my dress yet though, I walked into the bathroom that was half the size of a classroom at Hogwarts. A white claw foot bathtub stood out, but I crossed to the counter and mirror. I took out my small bag full of makeup items, just the basics. I unloaded it onto the counter, picking through my things and deciding where to start.

I didn't want to stand out too much, but I still wanted to look nice. After putting concealer on my dark under eyes, I put a small dusting of silver eyeshadow on my eyelids. I drew on a modest cateye with eyeliner, which was more tame than my usual wings. I made my cheeks slightly rosy with blush, and put on some simple nude lipstick that stood out against my paper white skin.

I smiled at myself slightly in the mirror, studying my face, spotting each and every imperfection, such a bad habit I had. I thought my nose was to slim and my lips were dull. My cheekbones stuck out and I thought that made me look like a skeleton. I hated the shape of my eyebrows and I disliked how short my eyelashes were, even with mascara on. 

Despite it all, despite the array of flaws I picked out, I looked...nice. Though it was weird to think it. With a flick of my wand, my hair did itself, a simple spell that I'd learned in my second year when my hair had started to thicken to badly to the point it was hard to manage. It was curled and pushed over my right shoulder. I pushed in two sparkly hair clips to the opposite side, keeping the story pieces away from my face.

I stripped off my skirt and sweater, folding them and leaving them on the dresser. I stepped into the dress, and shimmied it up past my waist and put my arms through it. I reached behind my back and pulled up the zipper to my shoulder blades. I gazed back at myself in the mirror and was beyond surprised, but in the most pleasing way. 

For truly the first time in my life, I actually felt beautiful.

Draco

I heard a slight knock at my door. I straightened my dark green tie, and smoothed out my crisp black suit. Now I saw what Equestria meant, my hair did look better when it wasn't slicked back, but I knew my father wouldn't approve, so it was gelled back for tonight, 

"Come in," I said, tearing my eyes away from the mirror. The door was pushed open slowly and my mouth fell open stupidly as Equestria stepped into my room. Her hair fell elegantly over her right shoulder, and her makeup was light, but still accentuated her features. The floor length dress she wore hugged her thin waist and billowed out past her ankles, not quite brushing her floor.

"So," she laughed, clasping her hands in front of her, smiling girlishly. "What do you think?"

"Y-you look beautiful." I sputtered. Butterflies roared in my stomach, and her smile made the feeling intensify.

Her face glowed. "You look great, too."

"Thanks. I feel so out of place." I said, looking down at my very formal attire.

"Well everyone'll be all dressed up, right? I've never worn heels before, I feel like I'm going to trip over my own feet." She giggled nervously.

"Well you look amazing." I smiled. For a few seconds we just stood, staring at eachother. A knock on the door interrupted us.

"Guests are starting to arrive. Come down the stairs in ten minutes-"My mother said, poking her head in the door. "Oh my lord! You look gorgeous, Equestria!" She said, putting her hands on her chest, glueing her eyes to Equestria, who was now standing next to me. 

Equestria beamed. "Thank you, Mrs. Malfoy,"

"Make sure you're ready, show Equestria what to do. You have the opening dance!" She said, shutting the door behind her.

"What do we have to do?" Equestria inquired, looking at me anxiously.

"Oh, right. So, you'll hold my arm, and we walk down the stairs, and a bunch of people will be watching, and probably clap. We go out into the ballroom, and we just...dance." I explained.

"I have no idea how to dance, Draco," she looked nervous.

"Don't worry about it, here, I'll show you." I walked over to her, and took her right hand in mine, holding it by her shoulder. I took her waist in my left hand. "Put your hand on my shoulder. Now it's easy, take steps in threes,"

I smiled as we messily waltzed around my bedroom. She soon fell into rhythm with my footsteps.

"There you go, you're doing great. Now I'm going to spin you," I took my hand from her hip, raising it up and I spun her around in a circle.

She giggled again, as she stumbled over her own feet, just as she'd said.

"It's okay, just follow my lead. You'll do fine, okay?" I reassured her, squeezing her hand.

"Okay," she breathed with a smile.

"Ready?" I asked, offering my arm to her.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she responded, taking it. I pushed my bedroom door open, and we walked down the hallway. We stopped at the top of the staircase, and maybe three dozen people were standing at the bottom, all immersed in their own conversations. Pansy grinned widely at us, and gave me a brief thumbs-up. Equestria and I started to decend the staircase, her hands clutching my arms and I could tell she was nervous.

Pansy, in a short, navy blue dress rushed up to Equestria and hugged her delicately.

"Tria! You look stunning! Oh Merlin!" She squealed. 

"Thank you so much! You look excellent!" She chimed.

From across the room, I saw my father look at me and tilt his head slightly towards the center of the room, not breaking conversation with Marcus Flint's father.

"Care to dance, Tria?" I asked, mocking formality.

She smiled, taking my extended hand. "Why yes," 

I laced my fingers through her own, and walked her out to the center of the room. Slow, ballroom music played, washing over the room. I put my other hand on her waist and she put hers on my shoulder. We were waltzing again, as more people filled the dance floor Equestria leaned in close to me.

"I don't know how you can hate this," she whispered. "This is brilliant."

"That's because this is the first ten minutes, it gets boring after an hour, trust me. And since we're hosting, we can't leave until everybody is gone," I murmured back to her, careful not to let anyone else hear.

"I guess we'll just have to see then," she mumbled skeptically.

I rolled my eyes, and continued to sway with her to the music. After several minutes, I noticed my father beckoning us over. I took Equestria's hand and led her to where my father was talking to Louise's parents, Kayla and Cesar Selwyn.

"This is my son Draco, and his girlfriend Equestria Evans." 

I dug my nails into Equestria's hand, willing her not to correct him. She got the message clearly, and just smiled politely. 

"It's nice to meet you," I said, extending my free hand to the man. He shook it firmly.

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Malfoy." 

After exchanging courteous conversation for a few minutes, Equestria and I walked away.

"Sorry about that, you know. Public image I suppose," I shrugged to Equestria.

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to find Pansy and fix my makeup, I'll be back in a minute," she said, dropping my hand which I forgot she was holding.

I couldn't help but stare after her, watching her as she found Pansy and the two of them giggled together, trotting off to the bathroom happily.

I'd seen pretty girls, of course. Louise was pretty, I could recognize that. Her deep ocre skin and flowing dark hair. Pansy was too, freckled spattered over her nose and cheeks, tall and confident. 

Equestria, though. She was gorgeous.

Her thick black hair spilled down her shoulders and back like a waterfall, and the slight gap between her two front teeth. Her short, bitten fingernails. Every piece of her was so...interesting.

She was truly the most beautiful girl I'd seen.

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

"So! How's it going? I saw how the two of you danced, oh lord, Equestria, you two looked like you were straight out of a fairytale! Have you seen the way he looks at you? I would give a million galleons for somebody to look at me like that!" Pansy squealed.

"Pansy, I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's nothing between us and there won't ever be." I rolled my eyes as I reapplied my brown lipstick.

"You're obviously blind then. You two looked perfect dancing together," she commented.

I scoffed. "You're ridiculous, Pans." 

"You're really telling me you don't feel differently about him than you do with anybody else?"

"Of course I feel differently towards him. He's the person I care about most. But it's platonic, that's it." Lie. My heart skipped a beat when he looked me in the eye. My stomach flurried when he held my hand when we danced. But he's my best friend. We would never stand a chance.

She sighed. "If you say so. We should probably get back out there."

"Probably. Who are you dancing with?"

"I danced with Marcus, just as friends. And Nott, but not like that. Don't fancy anyone, really."

We walked out, back into the ballroom where Draco was waiting, talking to some older Slytherin boys. His eyes met mine and he smiled a little. I reached my hand out, and he took it, spinning me gracefully to dance again. I was afraid my heart would pop out of my chest when he placed both of his hands on my waist. I clasped my hands behind his neck, and I could feel the coolness of his rings through the fabric of my dress.

We swayed back and forth, not even properly dancing. I looked up into his eyes, bright sky blue, which was slowly becoming my favorite color.

"Draco," Narcissa called in a somewhat hushed voice. I reluctantly broke our stare to look at her. She was waving us over, a small camera in hand. Still hand in hand, we walked over to her.

"Can I take a picture?" She asked smiling broadly at the two of us.

"Mum," Draco groaned.

"Of course," I cut him off. As she raised her camera, I kissed Draco on the cheek, him half smiling.

After I pulled away, Draco's face flushed slightly pink. Narcissa walked away, with one more tentative glance at Lucious, who was deep in conversation with a pair of people.

~~~~~~~~~~

Almost two full hours later, the last of the guests were filing out of the manor. We had just said goodbye to Pansy, and Draco and I were just heading upstairs to bed. 

"I'm exhausted. I've never danced so much," I sighed once we were up the staircase. "But I was fun," I kicked off my heels.

"That was the most tolerable one yet." Draco smiled, looking at the floor.

"Well, goodnight then," I stated, hugging him quickly, before going into my room.

"Night Tria, I'll see you in the morning." He called, walking into his own room, the door shutting softly behind him. 

I shut the door behind me, exhaling and unzipping my dress. I was careful to fold it neatly so I didn't wrinkle it. I pulled a teeshirt and little shorts on, and rinsed off all my makeup in the sink. I took the pins out of my hair and ran a brush through it, so the curls were more like faded waves now. 

Just as I was about to lay down, I noticed something sitting on my pillow.

A moving picture, me kissing Draco on the cheek happily and him grinning at the camera. February 18th, 1993 was written in black ink on the bottom in what I could only assume was Narcissa's handwriting.

I slipped the photograph into the pocket of my trunk that contained only the picture of my parents Lupin had given me.

Turning out the lamp on my bedside table, the room was plunged into darkness and I settled into the huge bed. The sheets were soft and smelled like fresh linen, but I still couldn't seem to get comfortable. I tossed and turned, my mind fully awake, swirling with thoughts of this evening.

An hour and a half later, I still wasn't asleep, despite feeling exhausted. Reluctantly, I swung my legs off the bed and as quietly as possible, opened my door and crossed the hall. I pushed open a door leading to a room I had been in just a few hours ago. Draco was lying on his back, but he wasn't asleep, I could tell even in the almost pitch darkness.

"Tria?" He whispered, leaning up to look at me.

"Yeah, 's me. Couldn't sleep."

"Me neither." The sound of moving blankets told me he had scooted off of the bed. "You take the bed, I'll sleep on the floor." He said.

"Don't be stupid. It's your bloody room, I just came in here. I'll sleep on the floor, I just didn't want to be alone."

"You're ridiculous if you think I'm letting you sleep on the floor."

"So let's share the bed, I don't care," I huffed, climbing into his bed on the side closest to the wall.

"Fine," he said, getting under the covers on the opposite side. There was plenty of space between us but it still just felt warmer in his room.

My eyes started to get heavy, and I let them fall shut. It was far easier to relax with Draco in the room, and didn't really notice when we got closer to eachother. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I opened my eyes, squinting at the light streaming through the velvet curtains in the room. It took me a moment to register just where I was. I tried to raise my hand to rub my eyes, but my fingers were interlaced with Draco's. That seemed to really wake me up. I noticed our legs were tangled together and that there was maybe two inches of space between my back and his chest. I sat up probably too quickly, because Draco stirred a bit.

"Morning," he grumbled, his voice still sounding like he was half asleep. After properly opening his eyes, his whole face went red as he took his hand out of mine and scooted away from me, putting a bit more space between us. 

We didn't meet each others eyes as I walked across the hallway to get dressed to go to breakfast and then back to school.

I couldn't help but smile though, my hand still warm from holding his all night.


	10. ~eight~

"And when she was sad  
I was there to dry her tears  
And when she was happy, so was I"  
-Sarah McLachlan, When She Loved Me

Equestria

It had been just two months since Valentine's Day and ever since then things between us just felt different, unexplainably so. Or maybe I just I did. Draco wasn't acting any different, not really.

I felt even more confused than I had a few months ago. Was I supposed to feel like this? Is it even fair of me to feel like this? How do I actually feel? What do I even want?

I didn't know. I didn't know the answer to anything anymore.

I looked out my window. It was rainy and muddy, the grounds wet and uninviting. Draco had quidditch practice and I told him I would come, considering this was the last practice before a game against Gryffindor which would determine if it was us or Hufflepuff that would play for the house cup and I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it if I missed this one. It looked rather windy, so I picked my hair up off my neck and tied it into a ponytail at the base of my neck, letting it swing over my shoulder. I replaced my leggings with a pair of jeans and pulled on my coat and boots, walking out of my dorm.

"Going down to the pitch?" Lucas asked, as I entered the moderately crowded commonroom.

"I am," I confirmed, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

"Mind if I walk with you?" He asked, picking his jacket up from the back of a chair, pulling it on over his arms.

"Not at all," I smiled, heading out towards the portrait hole, Lucas catching up with me.

We trudged out across the grounds, winds whipping and sinking into the ground more and more with every step. Brooms were already in the air, blurs of silver and green in the sky. I laid my eyes on Draco, bent low over the front of his broom, searching for the little golden ball, which I could only imagine was quite hard to see in this abysmal weather.

"I see you haven't gotten that date with Louise yet, huh Harvey?" I asked Lucas as we sat down, noticing his gaze had wandered to Louise Selwyn, who was sitting under a big umbrella with her friends. It was no secret that Lucas had been trying to get her attention since we were in second year, despite her being a year older

He grinned cockily. "Selwyn!" Lucas shouted, grabbing the gorgeous brunettes attention. Her friends giggled, while she just rolled her eyes. "A date, this weekend?" 

"Try again in another life, Harvey," she quipped.

He shrugged, smirking back at me. "One day, Evans, mark my words."

I raised my attention back to the sky. Draco had his arm stretched out, the snitch a mere foot away from his grasp. In another minute, he had the golden ball in his grasp. Scattered applause rose from the dozen Slytherins in the stands.

"Erm- Equestria Evans?" An unfamiliar voice addressed me. My eyes widened and my stomach did a zillion backflips as Harry Potter stood in front of me. "Professor Lupin sent me to tell you he needs to speak with you immediately." 

"I- right. Okay, thanks." I stuttered. Awkwardly, Harry turned on his heel and walked back towards the castle. "Tell Draco I'm really sorry. I'll be back soon." 

"Okay. Good luck," Pansy bit, trying an encouraging smile.

I walked away from the pitch, across the courtyard and into the castle. I went up several flights of stairs, to an office I knew so well, seeing as I did visit quite often. I fished my wand out of my pocket, muttering the simple incantation for a drying spell, and felt the instant relief as the water disappeared from my previously soaking clothes. I pushed the door open slowly, the hinges creaking with a thirst for oil.

"Equestria," Lupin said urgently, the second I crossed the threshold. His face was lined and tired, as if he had been up for the past several days. "I've figured it out."

My throat went dry, my gaze flitting down to a piece of parchment I recognized. "Figured what out?"

"I think I've put the pieced together..." Remus muttered, ignoring my question as if he didn't hear me. 

"Is that the-"

"The Marauders Map, yes," he said, almost impatiently. "Sit down,"

I did, eagerly looking up at him, dying to know what he was so frantic about.

"I was watching the map late last night. I confiscated it from Harry last week. And I noticed something very peculiar. Do you see that dot?" He asked, putting his finger on where the Gryffindor dormitories were marked on the map.

"No?" It looked empty to me.

"Exactly! Only Marauders can see other Marauders," he muttered, getting up and pacing around his office.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, completely lost as to what he was getting at. "I don't understand?"

"Peter Pettigrew!" He said, tossing the map down and letting it flutter onto his desk.

"What?" I asked, knitting my eyebrows together.

"The wizard Sirius black supposedly 'murdered' twelve years ago." Remus used air quotes on the word murdered.

"What does he have to do with any of this? Besides you being friends when you were at school and-"

"Listen, I'm getting to it! Your mother and father, they made Peter their secret keeper when they went into hiding. All these years, I thought Sirius figured out a way around the magic. He was clever enough, but I figured it out! Peter Pettigrew isn't dead at all, Equestria."

I felt like backing away. Lupin looked slightly crazy as he explained his theory. "What are you talking about? A secret keeper? What's that?"

"A magical enchantment one can place on another to keep the location or whereabouts of something confidential, in short. Peter was your parents'. They thought Sirius or I would be too easily guessable, seeing as we were godparents to their children. Peter was supposed to have died twelve years ago. But he's showed up on the map and-"

"Couldn't the map just be wrong?" I asked quickly, unable to understand how he could possibly put so much faith into a mere piece of enchanted parchment.

"The map is never wrong! Peter Pettigrew is alive and currently in the Gryffindor dormitory." Remus said, with utmost confidence.

"I'm sorry but that's bizzare! How would nobody notice a supposedly dead man?" I asked, shaking my head and filling my arms. 

"Because he's not a man, Equestria. When we were at school, your father, Peter and Sirius turned into Animagus to help with m- a condition. Peters was a rat! I believe he's living in his animagus form."

I probably should have asked about the whole animagus thing, because that was news to me, and as far as I knew, there were only a handful of registered animagus in all of the United Kingdom. "But they had his finger, Remus!"

"Only a finger! It would have been easy for him to off it himself and scurry into the sewers with the other rats! He was in hiding, under the best, most uncrackable cover!"

"So," I practically whispered, realization dawning on me. "That means that Sirius-"

"He's innocent! Peter killed those muggles, not Sirius!" Remus said, a smile spreading across his face. He picked up the map, but his face fell after a moment.

"What?" Anxiety was building in me, seeing a solemn expression fall over him.

"Come, now!" He exited his classroom, almost running down the corridor.

"Wait! Where are you going!?" I called, struggling to keep up with him.

He didn't say a word, but soon we were outside running towards...the womping willow?

"What are we doing here?" I was out of breath at this point. I crouched down, desperately trying to push the cool, crisp air into my lungs. 

"Stay here," he said, staring into my eyes. "I'll explain everything later, I promise."

"What? I don't understand-"

"Stay here." He said firmly. "Wand out. Don't follow me, alright? I'll answer all your questions once I know for myself."

~~~~~~~~~~

I paced just outside of the Willow's reach, probably more worried than I'd ever been in my life. An hour had passed since Lupin had disappeared into the base of the tree. I threw pebbles at the ground to try to pass the time, and get my anxiety under control.

A rustling at the base of the tree caused me to jerk my neck up to see what made the noise. It was Remus, followed by a bushy haired Gryffindor who was a year below me, who's name I only knew because Draco had droned on and on about her and how annoying she was. I had to slap my hand over my mouth when I saw who came out next. A man who I had seen on wanted posters all year. Sirius Black, and holding onto him was Ron Weasley, who's left leg was bent at an awful angle, so much that it almost made me sick. Harry held his other side, supporting the ginger between the two of them. If the situation wasn't so dire, I would have laughed at Professor Snape, floating unconscious in midair, who I hadn't noticed join the bunch, his head lulling to one side. Remus said something to the kids, and they went off in one direction, still in sight but far out of earshot. Remus then crossed to Sirius, whom he whispered something to. 

Sirius looked directly at me, a smile breaking out over his mouth. Moonlight shrouded the ground as he walked over to me. I looked back at him, amazement and disbelief flooding throughout me. Sirius Black stood in front of me, some of the only family I had that wasn't dead.

Just then, an earsplitting noise pierced the silent and still night air, like a knife through cake. My jaw fell open in horror, my eyes wide, as Lupin fell to his knees. His back arched, hair growing all over his body. He looked horribly disfigured, contorting and writhing on the ground. 

"Go," Sirius whispered. "Back to the castle, now!" He yelled. I felt absolutely frozen, watching in horror. I started to run back to the castle, trying to wrap my mind around what the hell just happened. Everything had been fine not two minutes ago.

~~~~~~~~~~

I paced the underpass of the courtyard, my stomach in knots. An owl had flown up to Remus's classroom where's I'd taken refuge and handed me a letter with neat and tidy handwriting. It was addressed to "Miss Equestria Evans, Remus Lupin's office," so somebody knew I was there.

Against my better judgement, I followed the letters instructions and was now anxiously awaiting for whoever was supposed to meet me.

Heavy footsteps could be heard down the way. I drew my want, unsure of who or what it could be.

Yet again, I was face to face with Sirius Black.

I stood there, looking at this dirty and deranged man. You could see the toll Azkaban had taken on him, though from pictures I knew he had been very good looking when my parents were alive. I could still see his sharp jawline and cheekbones, mirroring the younger man I'd seen in photos.

"Equestria," he said, with a trembling, broken voice.

Without another word, I stumbled into his arms, hugging him. I hadn't ever hugged someone the way I did in that moment. He took my face in his hands, smiling with tears in his eyes.

"Look at you...you look so much like your father..." he whispered.

I hugged him again, hard, as he stroked my hair paternally.

"Does Harry know?" He croaked, pulling back and looking me straight in the eyes, his own were as grey as slate.

I shook my head, pursing my lips and feeling tears well up in my own eyes.

"You look just like James," he bit, his own eyes glassy.

"What's going to happen to you?" I whispered, trying to keep the tears from coming. 

"I-I don't know. I'm going to get out of this, for you and Harry," 

"Please Sirius, I just found you! I can't lose you!" My voice cracked, straining to not cry.

"It's all going to be okay, I promise, I promise," he held me close to him, I buried my head into his chest, the second parental figure I had ever had.

"When this is all over, you'll live with me, like a proper family, should you want to." He told me.

"R-really?" 

"Of course, it's up to you, if you don't want to-"

"Are you kidding? Of course I want to! After my parents died, do you know who I've lived with? Death Eaters! Mostly at the old Lestrange estate, it's awful!" I cried. He opened his mouth to reply right away, but shut it.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway.

"Equestria, you have to go, now." He said to me, in a rushed whisper. "I'll write to you, we will see eachother again soon." He stroked my cheek once more. "Go!"

As much as I wanted to just hug him, and beg him to take me with him, I knew I had to leave. I bit my lip and wiped away my tears, and ran down the corridor as fast as I could without another glance

Tonight I found someone who was the most family I had, aside from Lupin. And I had to leave him. I held onto hope that maybe one day, I'd have a real family. Harry would know who I was. I'd live with Sirius. I'd be normal, or as normal as I could be.

~~~~~~~~~~

Draco

"You've got to be kidding me, Tria," I breathed. Her and I were sitting in a compartment alone, and she had just explained everything to me from the night she met Sirius Black. The trees outside rolled past us, it hadn't stopped raining for nearly a week now. 

"I'm not," she shook her head, her lips pressed into a thin line. "I lived it and I hardly believed it myself...it doesn't feel real. Crazy, isn't it?" She looked up at me, and her skin looked washed out, like she hadn't been sleeping. 

I nodded. "It is," we fell silent for several minutes, watching the rain outside the window, pattering against the glass and sliding down it. "I wish we didn't have to go home," 

"I know. It's miserable, isn't it? For both of us," Equestria sighed, propping her head in her hands and gazing out the window.

"At least you'll have Lupin to write to. And you better write more than you did last summer." I said, looking over at her side profile as she watched the raindrops roll down the window. I didn't even realize I was staring at her until Pansy knocked on the door.

"Draco, can I borrow you a moment?" Pansy asked, leaning against the wall, looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"Uh, yeah, sure," I stood up, following Pansy to the back of the train where she pulled me into an empty compartment.

"Are you going to tell her?" She whispered, even though we were completely alone.

"I can't, Pansy, not with everything she has on her mind, that's not fair to her," I shook my head at her. For months now, Pansy had been bugging me to admit my feelings for Equestria. I don't know how she knew, I never told anyone. It was beyond me how she could now how I felt because even I don't entirely know.

She shook her head. "Wouldn't it be better to know than always be wondering what could've been?"

"And risk losing my best friend? Not a chance." I said, a tone of finality to my words.

"You know Equestria, she wouldn't leave over something so stupid-"

"It's just that Pansy, it's a stupid crush. I'm sure I'll be over it by the end of the summer."

"That's bit what I meant-"

"I'm not telling her Pansy, and that's final," I said pointedly, walking out on her without another word.

I strided back into mine and Equestria's compartment, slightly annoyed. I noticed she had my jacket around her shoulders, which I had left where I was sitting. I rolled my eyes, smiling a bit.

"Am I going to get that back?" I sat down across from her.

She thought for a moment. "No, I don't think so,"

The train started to slow down. She sighed wistfully, taking one last look out the window. I stood up, grabbing her trunk from the overhead compartment, and then getting mine. We walked out onto the platform, and I scanned the crowd for my mother. I spotted her, and she smiled back at me.

"Well," Equestria said quietly, turning to me. "See you in eight weeks," 

She hugged me, tighter than usual, but maybe I was just imagining it. She snuggled her head into the crook of my neck for a moment, and I half wished we could've stayed like that for an eternity, she was so small in my arms.

"See you then," I pulled back, smiling for her sake, but I wasn't all that happy. Spending eight weeks alone at the manor wasn't much to look forward to, but I was more worried for Equestria, especially after what had happened two summers ago. It scared me just to think about.

"I promise I'll write," She called, walking towards a man with his head turned down, in black overcoat.

"I'm holding you to that," was the last thing I said, as she disappeared into the crowd. I walked towards my mother, who half hugged me. 

"Draco, it's so good to see you. I've missed you so much," she said warmly.

"I've missed you too Mum," I said sheepishly, wiggling out of her grip. She held out her arm to me, and the familiar feeling of apparition came over me. My feet hit the ground, and we were in the manor. 

"Sit down, tell me about your year," my mother said, sitting down at the dining room table, folding one hand over the other. "Your father had to go to work, we have plenty of time," 

I sat down across from her. "It was good. Did you here about the defense against the dark arts professor?"

"Oh yes, the werewolf? Dreadful." she said, shaking her head.

"Equestria was there when-"

"Was that your coat she was wearing?" She cut me off, a knowing look on her face.

"She just got cold. She's always freezing." I explained.

"Mhmm..." 

"Oh Mum, we're just friends," I rolled my eyes.

"Please, Draco, I saw the way you looked at her. I wasn't born yesterday."

I stayed silent, as my stomach turned. Was it that obvious? 

"Why don't you go unpack your things? Get settled and I'll make some dinner, alright?" she said after a moment. I did so, walking up the winding staircase and into my room. I opened my trunk and went to reach for my clothes but something caught my eye. A note on top of all my clothes, in Equestria's messy handwriting. 

Draco- I thought you would need something to hang onto over Holliday. I miss you already!  
-Tria

Under the note there was a photo of her and I, the night of the gala, her kissing my cheek. I bit my cheek, smiling. I leaned it up against the lamp on my light stand, which was otherwise bare.

I smiled, looking at the loop of the two of us. I was scared for her already, having to go back to that house. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Eight long weeks had dragged by, seemingly going slower by the day. Equestria and I wrote back and forth daily, and I sometimes got letters from Pansy and a few from Louise. Finally, I was going back to hogwarts. Back to Equestria. 

My heart fluttered. I thought back to what I told Pansy on the train ride home. I was probably just alone with my thoughts for too long. Things would be fine once I was back at school, I was sure, things would be back to normal.

Hopefully. 

"Come on, Draco," my mother called from up the stairs. I threw the last of my things into my trunk, and walked down the stairs. Both my parents stood at the bottom of the stairs

"S-see you at Christmas, Father," I kept my mouth pressed into a line as I said it, nodding towards my father.

"about that, Draco," he drawled, rising from his chair. "You will stay at Hogwarts this Christmas. I have business to attend to," 

I nodded, trying to keep from smiling. It's not like I wanted to be home anyways, but I did feel guilty leaving my mother. It was miserable here for her, all year round. She mostly just had my father for company. She used to be close with her sisters, but one was locked away and the other was estranged. 

"We mustn't be late, dear," my mother said quietly, not looking my father in the eye.

I grabbed hold of her arm, and a few seconds later we were at the platform. Students were everywhere, I scanned the crowds for Equestria. I didn't see her, so I bid my mother goodbye and stepped onto the train, going to our usual compartment. I found Lucas and Equestria already sitting there, only conversing a little.

"Draco!" Equestria grinned, jumping up and hugging me. The top of her head only reached the bottom of my chin now. I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her tight, her hair tickling my face.

"I missed you," I said, grinning widely as she released me. "Holiday was boring,"

"I'm sure. I missed you too," she sighed, sitting back down. I sat next to her, she leaned into me a bit.

"Evans, it's only September, why are you wearing long sleeves?" Lucas asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She's always cold." I stated.

"I'm always cold," she said at the same time as me. We looked at each other, laughing a bit. There was a sharp bang as the compartment door slid open. Equestria jumped and clutched my hand, which was resting on top of the table. She released it, tilting her head down and I could assume her face had flushed pink.

"Pansy, you scared me," she breathed, her hand over her heart, getting up to give Pansy a quick hug. 

She sunk back down, Pansy scooting in next to Lucas.

The two started to converse, but I wasn't really paying attention. Equestria reached up to pull her long hair off her neck.

My lips parted slightly as her right sleeve rode up. Linear scars, dozens of them, littered her skin. Some looked scabbed and old, but some looked sickeningly new. 

I quickly brought my gaze to my lap once again, I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, especially not in front of Pansy and Lucas, but seeing those obviously self inflicted cuts made my stomach hurt, literally.

"You okay?" She nudged me in the arm after a moment of me looking at my feet.

"Yeah, tired," I muttered, lying through my teeth, smiling weakly.

"Anyone up for a game-" Equestria started, but was quickly interrupted.

"Not exploding snap," Pansy groaned. "You can even wait a half hour, can you?"

"I haven't played all summer!" She protested.

"I have," Lucas grumbled, "with you, in my nightmares," 

"Shove off." She smirked, pulling out the deck of cards from her bag.

~~~~~~~~~~

"How was your summer, actually?" I quietly said to Equestria, when we were amongst the last in the commonroom. She was snuggled up in her favorite brown armchair, a blanket wrapped up to her chin. 

"Sucked. He didn't try anything again, but he smacked me around a lot," she said nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal.

"He hit you?" I deadpanned, staring her in the face.

"Well... yeah? He always has," Equestria shrugged, letting her eyes feather shut with a sigh. She did look quite tired.

"That's- that's awful." 

"He has since I was little, it's not a big deal, it's-"

"It is a big deal. It's...it's morally wrong to hit a girl. It's another thing that you're only a child, really" I scowled. "He's disgusting."

She smiled up at me, sleepily opening her eyes. I seethed, waiting for her to reply. But she just closed her eyes, tilting her head to one side, propping it up with one hand.

"You're okay with this?" I said exasperatedly, folding my arms.

She sighed. "No, but it's how it's always been. I'm tired, can we please not do this?"

I wanted to persist, but she did look exhausted. "What do you think about the event Dumbledore announced? My father said it's legendary and historical,"

"Hmm...I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be interesting." She shrugged, curling up more in the squashy armchair.

"It always is."

"Never a dull moment."

"No, never a dull moment," I repeated. I looked over at her, her eyes shut and her porcelain skin illuminated in the firelight. She looked...older. I supposed we both did. She was just as beautiful. "Go to sleep, Tria, you look exhausted."

"I probably should. See you in the morning," she said groggily, stumbling up the stairs.

I looked after her, wishing things could be different between the pair of us.

//

A/N: yeah yeah I know this chapter blows, I hate it too. I promise it gets more interesting soon, after the Yule Ball, most of the chapters are pretty full if you know what I mean. This was kind of a filler chapter and there won't be many more of these. Sorry for the long note, just wanted to tell you guys not to totally lose faith in this book yet.


	11. ~nine~

"You just took me by surprise,   
oh I can't believe my eyes,   
oh I must be seeing blind"  
-Seeing Blind, Niall Horan

Equestria

"Equestria?"

"Yeah?" I looked up, and Draco had an expression on his face like he was thinking hard about something. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." He said, turning his head to look at me properly. "Do you know what happened over the summer?"

I had heard about what went down at the quidditch World Cup. It had put me on edge to say the least, knowing they were starting to congregate again. It was scary to say the least. "I heard. Why didn't you write to me about it, though?"

"I didn't think it was the right conversation to have through letters." Draco said, and it was obvious he was bothered by this whole situation. "I'm worried."

"I am too," I admitted, chewing my bottom lip. "What do you think's gonna happen?"

"I don't know. Did he say anything about it?" Draco asked, referring to Rodolphus. 

I shook my head. "Was hardly around, really."

"My father says that things are starting to 'come together', but I don't know what that means." Draco said, an obvious tone of anxiety in his voice.

"The new Defense Against The Dark Arts' teacher is an ex auror, though." I said. "Dumbledore's definitely done that for safety reasons, if I had to guess. Not to mention this whole triwizard tournament nonsense."

"It's all bullshit, if you ask me. I reckon Dumbledore's covering up something." Draco said.

"Maybe so." I agreed. "Speaking of, aren't the names being drawn tonight?"

Draco nodded, rolling his eyes. "Reckon saint Potter will get his name drawn out of the bloody goblet." 

"Don't be such a pessimist." I mumbled, standing up and stretching. Draco stood too, and we wordlessly stepped out of the commonroom, going up several flights of stairs and into the great hall where most students had already gathered, us being some of the last. Lucas and Pansy had saved our seats, and we took them silently, Draco sitting down next to me.

Dumbledore, of course, began one of his long and winded speeches, concerning glory and loyalty and all the other pointless things he decided to drone on and on about.

I tuned it out mostly, propping my head up with my hand and running my fingertip in little circles over the top of the wood table. After what felt like years, Draco nudged me, snapping me out of my daze. I looked up and the goblet's flames were violet and blue, roaring upward, it was quite beautiful, and a hush fell over the hall.

A piece of parchment fluttered out of the fire, and Dumbledore caught it in his hand, unfolding it and scanning his eyes over the words.

"The champion for Beauxbaton's will be...Miss Fleur Delacour!" Dumbledore called. Dainty applause rose from the girls in blue satin uniforms, as a gorgeous blonde girl with fair skin stood, walking to the front of the hall and was lead into a room.

The goblets flames surged once again, spitting out another scrap, which was caught by the headmaster, and Victor Krum, a   
Durmstrang boy was announced to be the second champion, to tumultuous applause.

"The Hogwarts champion will be Cedric Diggory!" Dumbledore announced to the hall at large after catching the third and final name. Applause rose from the hufflepuff table, but everyone in green stayed silent. 

"I wish it could have at least been a Slytherin," I sighed, pursing my lips.

"Surprised it's not Potter," Draco rolled his eyes, shooting a nasty glare at the Gryffindor table.

Just as the words left his lips, the Goblet's flames turned blue once again. Heads turned, as the violet fire spit out...another name? There was only supposed to be three champions, and they'd all been chosen.

"Harry Potter!" Dumbledore called out. His voice rung in the dead silence of the hall. Whispers rose, and hundreds of eyes followed the raven haired boy as he was pushed to the front of the hall.

"Well," I said, trying to hide my shock, "I suppose you were right after all."

~~~~~~~~~~

Draco

"Hey, Equestria, can I talk to you?" I walked downstairs into the commonroom from my dorm. It was late at night, and only her and I were in our right minds to be up this late on a school night.

"Yeah, is everything okay?" She closed her book, (this month's was Charles Dickinson's Great Expectations) sitting up straight to look at me. I sat down next to her, trying to relax, but in reality I was very worried about how this conversation was going to blow over. 

"No, I don't think so." I looked her dead in the eyes, but tried to let her know I wasn't doing this just for kicks. "It's about you, I'm worried."

She smiled, rolling her eyes like I was being ridiculous. "What are you worried about? I'm perfectly fine,"

"You're not. I'm not stupid, Equestria."

"What are you so upset about?" She said, folding her arms.

"I don't want you to get...freaked out."

"Okay, I promise not to 'freak out'". She rolled her eyes, using air quotes.

I took a deep breath in. Knowing Equestria, I felt like she would definitely freak out and clam up. But I was just trying to help her.

What I wanted to tell her was that she was my best friend in the whole world and how I honestly care for her more than I've ever cared for somebody else and I know life hasn't been fair to her, but I knew she wouldn't want me to ramble. "I've seen your wrists, Equestria."

Her face dropped, and I could see her tense up. "Draco I-"

"No no, you don't have to explain," I said quickly. "I'm not judging you. I just want to help you, if you'll let me."

"I'm sorry, please just listen, it's not that I don't care about you-"

"I never thought for one second that it was because you didn't care, because I know you do. Equestria. I'm sorry you feel like this, I really am."

"You're not mad?" She asked, closing her right hand around her left wrist through her sleeve.

"Why would I be mad?" I asked.

She stayed quiet.

"I don't want you to feel like...like I'm pitying you, because I'm not. I feel bad that you feel like you have to do that."

"Draco, I don't blame you if you don't want any part of thi-"

"Equestria, I haven't been friends with you for four bloody years for nothing." I rolled my eyes at her.

She looked up at me for a moment, but then took me by surprise as she took my hand in hers, threading her fingers through mine.

"Thank you." she mumbled, looking down, her voice obviously straining to stay stable. 

It made my stomach hurt to see her like this. I wished she could see herself the way I saw her. Equestria pulled out of my arms, looking my in my eyes. I gazed into her green eyes, but my stare wandered down to her pink, heart shaped lips. She stared back into my eyes which were undeniably blue, even if I didn't want to admit it. My mind wandered back to the conversation I had with my mother over the summer.

"Your eyes, Draco," she said, looking me square in the face. 

"I know," I muttered, dropping my gaze.

"Draco, I don't think you really understand what this means. A soulmate, Draco. One in a lifetime." 

"I know," I said again, blocking out thoughts of a certain dark haired girl.

"Is it her?" My mother asked quietly.

"It's her." I murmured. 

I remembered that I was, in fact, looking right at her, not in the dining hall with my mother. She blushed, breaking our stare and clearing her throat. I looked at the ground, feeling my face get hot.

If only Equestria's eyes changed color when she was in love, then at least I'd know.

~~~~~~~~~

"We need to get going, Tria. Nearly two, I glanced down at my watch. 

With a sour look still on her face, we walked out to the quidditch pitch, the wind crisp and chilly. Today was the day of the first task, and though she wouldn't say it, it was obvious how nervous Equestria was for her brother. The two of us trudged out to the pitch and sat down near some sixth years, including Louise and her friends. It wasn't long before the booming voice of Ludo Bagman echoed around us.

"And with that, I present to you," the man said after several minutes, finally finishing his very drummed up speech. "The first task!"

My mouth fell open, as a rugged brown dragon swooped over where the quidditch pitch normally was. Equestria grabbed my hand, clutching it with a death grip. Her eyes were wide and scared, as she dug her nails into my hand. I swallowed, the pace of my heart quickening because shit I was holding her hand, even though she looked as though she was going to puke.

"No," she breathed. "No, no, no,"

I bit back a sarcastic remark of 'yes Equestria, actually yes, yes, yes, it's happening,' but stayed quiet for her sake.

I just held her hand a bit tighter. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

"The Yule ball," Snape drawled, "will take place on Christmas Eve, that's two weeks from this evening. Fourth years and above only, however you may invite a younger student if you wish. Everyone is expected to have a partner, yes, everyone. Do not embarrass us in front of the other schools or houses, I expect you all to act mature or I can assure you, you will be hearing from me." He said in a bored tone, without pause. He scanned the roomfull of students. "Any questions?" 

The room was dead silent, and if anyone had questions it wasn't likely they'd ask him. 

"So," Draco turned to me as students began to chatter, "who do you think you'll be going with?"

That has caught me a bit off guard. "I- well I mean nobody. I thought we would just go together." He looked surprised, an expression I couldn't quite place graced his face. "As friends, of course," I added quickly.

"Right," he sighed, looking away from me. 

I glanced over at Pansy, who looked uncomfortable talking to two boys at once. I got up, walking over to her casually and grabbed her hand.

"Sorry to interrupt," I fake apologized, cutting both of them off. "The carriages for hogsmede leave in a bit, I wouldn't want to be late for dress shopping," 

"Right, thanks for the reminder," she played along, turning to exit the dungeons with me, her steps falling to sync with mine. "Thank you," she sighed, dropping her plastered-on smile as soon as we were outside.

"Don't mention it. But this is actually the last hogsmede trip before the ball and I don't have a dress," I explained as we strode down the corridor. Students from other houses now filled the halls, all of us going to the courtyard to meet the carriages.

"Dress shopping!" Pansy squealed. "I can't wait! Who do you want to go with?"

"Nobody," I said pointedly. "Draco and I are going. Platonically."

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Would you just admit you have feelings for him?"

"I've told you upwards of three dozen times, I don't have feelings for him," I lied. Pansy knew, I knew she did. But that didn't mean I was ready to say it. I didn't even know how I felt.

"Sure you don't, Tria." Pansy scoffed. 

"You know that even if I did, hypothetically, it's not like it would ever work. I'm a sister to Draco."

"Draco has girls falling at his feet all the time, he hasn't ever chosen any of them, Equestria."

I rolled my eyes. "That doesn't mean anything. Dating before this age is dumb anyways."

"If you haven't noticed," Pansy plowed on, "I'm sure he'll have at least a dozen asks to the ball and he'll still go with you."

"That's just...mutual respect," I replied lamely.

"Mutual respect', really?"

"Yes. Ask Draco, he'd say the same. I don't know why you're so invested in this Pansy."

"Because I know what's meant to be when I see it!" She whined.

"Just drop it Pansy. He's my best friend, okay?"

We climbed into a carriage with some sixth year girls, the wind raked through my hair. I desperately tried to flatten it, but it was no use, so I stopped trying.

"Have you ever dress shopped before?" Pansy asked, turning towards me after a few minutes of silence. 

"No," I replied after a moment.

"That's alright," Pansy smiled, "we'll find something gorgeous,"

I smiled weakly. It was hard to be excited about finding a dress, it seemed a bit silly to me. The only reason I had agreed to go shopping was because I had nothing that was near formal enough.

After we arrived at the little village, Pansy dragged me into a boutique filled with dresses. Giggling girls filled the shop, all looking at dresses for the ball, I assumed. There was a light and friendly air in the room, warm from the slightly snowy weather outside. I turned around to see Louise talking with another sixth year. 

"Equestria," she smiled, her lips pressed into a thin line. "It's nice to see you."

"Nice to see you too Louise. Here for a dress?"

"Yeah, I'm surprised Harvey isn't following behind me."

I grinned. "Has he asked you yet?"

"Twice in the last thirty minutes," she scoffed, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"Come on, Equestria! We haven't got all day!" Pansy nagged, tugging my arm. I waved a feeble goodbye to Louise as Pansy dragged me to a wall lined with gowns, much like the ones I'd worn on Valentine's Day last year. She pointed out a muted pink one, sleeveless and looks like it would maybe reach my knees. I shook my head immediately, too girly. 

"This color is so pretty," Pansy touched the skirt of the dress, feeling the fabric between her fingers. 

"If you like it so much, you get it then. I don't want to look like a piece of washed out candy floss," I grumbled.

"I already have a dress, we're looking for one for you." Pansy remarked.

"Isn't there anything a bit less...posh?"

"It's a ball, Equestria." Pansy mumbled. She turned her head to a deep blue dress. "Is this any better?"

"Absolutely not. Too frilly." I turned up my nose at the plunge-necked dress that had seemingly endless layers of tulle. 

"Is anything your taste?" 

"Well we cant exactly leave without a dress, so we'll find something." I sighed, scanning at the different colors and styles. Nothing particularly struck me as something I would want to wear.

"How about you try some on, just to see how they really look."

"Fine."

Pansy walked around the somewhat crowded shoppe, gathering an armload of dresses.

This was going to be a long day.

"No, not this one." I grimaced, stepping out of the dressing room after what felt like ages. "Feels itchy around the waist."

"Of course, Goldilocks," Pansy muttered. "I'll go find another dress for the billionth time."

"Why don't you just let me pick," I tried to reach the zipper on my back, to get this wretched pale purple dress of off me.

"Because you cant go to the Yule ball looking like you've just come from the catacombs."

I scowled, looking at more gowns. Most people had filed out of the shop now, seeing as we'd been here for over two hours. Nothing felt right, I didn't want to look stupid.

A grey, long sleeved dress in the corner caught my eye. Ignoring Pansy, who has just grabbed a blue one, I crossed the room to see it properly. Its satin material billowed out at the waist, but wasn't too puffy. The neckline scooped down, but not too far down.

"I'm going to try this one, Pans," I grinned, taking it into the dressing room. When I had tugged the scratchy violet dress off, I stepped into this one, the cloth smooth on my skin. I pulled my hair aside and pulled the zipper up my back.

"Equestria," Pansy's eyes went wide. "That's the one,"

I stepped out in front of a mirror, my eyes scanning over it. I swiveled my waist, making the material swirl slightly. I grinned, feeling like a princess in this dress. "It definitely is,"

~~~~~~~~~~

"Excited for the ball?" I asked Draco, as we walked back upstairs from our weekly kitchen trip, my mouth still tasting of sweets and pastries, my stomach full.

"It'll be fun I'm sure," he brushed crumbs off his hands on his robes, as we rounded a corner onto a staircase.

"I found a dress today," I grinned. "Pansy helped."

"Can I see?"

"No, it's going to be a surprise." I smiled.

"Secrets, huh?" He nudged me playfully. 

He had no idea.


	12. ~ten~

'We were love drunk, waiting on a miracle  
Tryna find ourselves in the winter snow  
So alone in love like the world had disappeared'  
-Ed Sheeran, Afterglow

Draco

She looked gorgeous, absolutely breathtaking, as she walked down the stairs. Her dress was modest and not too flashy, but it was unique and looked beautiful on her. It was a light grey color, and touched the floor. The lacy sleeves ran down her arms, reaching her delicate hands. Her waist length black hair was tied into a neat updo, two pieces coming down in front of her face. I really couldn't help but stare. She looked like an angel, cascading down the steps smoothly, stepping gracefully. 

"You look excellent." I told her, offering my arm, finally tearing my eyes away from her and I felt my face go red. 

She blushed, taking it as we walked into the great hall, which was decked out in silver and blue, magic snowflakes hanging from the ceiling. "You look like a prat," she jokingly quipped at me, grinning.

"Oh shove off," I smirked at her. 

The champions were already with their partners, sweet, classical music playing throughout the room. After several minutes, more and more people filed onto the dance floor. Equestria took me by the hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. Her enthusiasm made her even more...attractive. I felt strange for thinking about her like that, though. I put my hands on her waist as she rested her delicate, manicured hands on my shoulders. We swayed back and forth, in a slow waltz.

"Weasley looks like such an idiot in that dress," she whispered in my ear, looking over at the youngest Weasley girl, "I mean who thinks that color looks good?"

I stifled a laugh, that was the last thing I was expecting to hear from her as we danced. She smiled too. I loved how when she smiled, it lit up her bright green eyes. I fixed my gaze at her almond shaped eyes. I hadn't ever noticed the hints of yellow poking at the edges of the emerald. Equestria rested her head on my shoulder as we swayed. I didn't realize how long we'd been like that until the song changed to something more upbeat. We both stepped off the dance floor, to Pansy and Blaise, whom Pansy had taken as her date. Pansy whispered something to Equestria that made her blush and mutter "shut up...". The four of us sat down, watching other people dance. We all watched with humor as Lucas went up to Louise, only to be sent away a moment later.

Another slow song came on after some time. Blaise looked slightly nervous, as he stood up and offered Pansy his hand.

"Er- would you like to dance?" He asked, his voice slightly strained.

Pansy looked quite surprised, but smiled.

"I-um...yes." She said, taking his hand. I stood with Equestria, her taking my arm as we walked into the floor for a second time. This time instead of putting her hands on my shoulders, she clasped them behind my neck, leaning into me. She smiled, resting her head on my chest. Equestria smelled sweet, floral, like lavender, like she always did.

"You look really nice, Equestria," I said softly, moving my thumb in little patterns over her dress.

I felt her smile into my shoulder.

I looked to the right, slightly, to see Pansy and Blaise dancing awkwardly, arms fully extended. Pansy saw me and gave me an expression I couldn't quite place. I held Equestria closer to me, bringing my hand down to the small of her back. She looked up at me, and I saw a hint of glassiness in her eyes. I studied her face for some hint at what she was feeling, but ended up just staring at her. I'd seen pretty girls before, of course, there were plenty at Hogwarts but Equestria...she had this power to take my breath away with just a touch. She made my heart skip a beat and me feel unlike anything before. Equestria blushed a little and gazed back at me. I didn't really know why she was being so smitten, I'd seen her blush more tonight then I had in the past four years of knowing her. She pressed her cheek against my chest again.

"Want to ditch?" I whispered in her ear, knowing her too well. 

"I thought you'd never ask," she grinned. She pulled away from me, taking my hand as we walked out of the hall.

"These shits were killing me," she groaned, taking off her stiletto heals and leaving them lying on the ground. I liked that about Equestria, she did her own thing. We walked, until we were at the back staircase. She sat down, gathering up one side of her ballgown so I could sit next to her. She turned her head to meet my stare. Her bright forest green eyes connected with my pale blue ones. I could get lost in those eyes... in this moment, everything felt electric, like sparks were flying. She gazed back at me for several moments. I could have sworn she was leaning in towards me, I had a throbbing ache in the back of my mind to pull her in and kiss her, but before anything, she was my best friend, and I would hate myself if I ruined that. I pulled her towards and hugged her. Equestria smiled into my back, as she wrapped her arms around me. The music from the ball could still be heard, distantly. Not taking her gaze off her feet, she slipped her hand into mine. My stomach seemingly tied itself in knots. At the same time though, I was confused. 

"Have you ever liked someone so much you just felt like they're this...huge part of your life and they don't even know it?" She sighed, not meeting my eyes.

I wanted to tell her yes, Equestria. You. You, it's you, it's always been you and it won't ever be anyone else.

"All the time," I murmured instead. 

"Me too," she breathed. A tense silence fell between us, our hands still locked together. "Well, we should probably get back in there before Lucas finds us and throw a stink pellet at us," she smiled.

"Okay," I nodded, "I'll be there in a minute." 

She walked off, her bare heels visible between steps, her dress swishing. I let out a sigh, dropping my head into my hands.

"So," a voice I recognized said. I looked up and it was Pansy, stepping out into view.

I looked down at my lap. Pansy sat down next to me, where Equestria had been moments ago. 

"I can't stand the sexual tension between you two," Pansy shook her head, smirking.

"What? Pansy, you're barking! We're just friends-"

"Draco!" She snapped, cutting me off. She met my eyes, and shook her head slightly. "Friends don't look at friends the way you two look at eachother. If you haven't noticed, Equestria looks at you like you're the only star in the sky."

In my heart I knew she was right. The two of us looked at eachother a little too long to feel nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria was talking to Louise when I walked back into the hall. She saw me and grinned, Louise glanced at me quickly with raised eyebrows before walking back to her little group of friends. 

"A dance, Miss Evans?" I extended my hand to her, mocking formality. She grasped and smiled widely it as I pulled her towards the center of the room. The night got later and later, people trickled out of the hall. Soon, only a dozen couples remained, including her and I, but we weren't really dancing anymore. Her head was rested on my shoulder, her eyes shut, and we just kind of shuffled back and forth now, swaying. I rested my head on top of hers, her soft hair brushing against my cheek.

"Hey," I said, tipping Equestria's head up. "Let's go back to the common room."

She nodded sleepily. Equestria kind of hung on my arm as we decended many flights down the stairs to the dungeons. When we got there, almost nobody was still in the common room, I hadn't realized how late it was. Equestria stumbled up the stairs to the girls dorms, clearly exhausted. Several minutes later, she came back down the stairs in sweatpants and a plain teeshirt. I was sitting on the couch, half laying down. She came, bleary eyed and sat next to me, slumping over my chest. I layed down on the couch, ignoring the hoard of what felt like turtle doves in my stomach because oh god she's falling asleep on my chest, so she could go to sleep. She hadn't been sleeping all that well lately, anyways. I put one of my hands on her back, rubbing my hand up and down soothingly.

Soon, I started drifting to sleep. I felt Equestria's warm breath on my face, as nuzzled her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms protectively around her. The last thing I remember hearing was Blaise and Pansy walking in, Pansy tsking at us half asleep on the couch, muttering to Blaise.

"Like I said, sexual tension."

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

I breathed in the familiar scent of cologne something like fresh air as I woke. Groggily, I remembered the events of last night, though it all felt like a fever dream. I didn't open my eyes right away, my knees would've gone weak if I was standing. Draco's heart beat steadily, my head on his chest, and I could feel his soft breath on the top of my face. Almost instinctively, I buried my head deeper into the crook of his neck, pulling our bodies impossibly closer. His arm was wrapped tightly around my waist, so I couldn't move even if I wanted to, which I really didn't, I would've gladly stayed like this forever, warm and snuggled up. But I knew people would start to come into the commonroom soon, and we were right in the middle of the room.

I pretended to stretch, as if I hadn't woken up ten minutes ago. Draco stirred sleepily, and I could have sworn I felt him try to keep his arm around me.

"Morning," He murmured, his eyes still lined with tiredness, his voice raspy.

"G'morning," I smiled a bit, trying to undo my rats nest of hair, seeing as I never took it down last night. "Last night was...fun."

"Yeah," Draco agreed, rubbing his jaw and sitting up. "Was lots of fun,"

I looked back at him, probably for a second too long. "I never got to give you your Christmas present, gosh, I forgot."

"Oh Tria, you didn't have to-"

"Oh hush," I turned on my heel, walking up to the girls dorms. A minute later and ran down the stairs two at a time. I stuck my arms out, presenting him with a small rectangular box. 

As Draco unwrapped the box, he looked up at me, smiling.

"You didn't have to do this." He said, looking down at the picture frame in his hands.

"Whatever," I teased. "D'you like it?" 

"Of course I do," he smiled, running his fingers over the framed photograph of us that Pansy had taken a month or so ago, the both of us laughing hysterically. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," I smiled.

"Wait just a moment, I'll be right back," he said, and retreated to his dorm, quickly returning with his hands behind his back. I extended my arms, and felt something soft being placed on them. I opened my eyes, to see an thick sweater in my favorite shade of deep pink, a dark thulian, with a handwritten note on top, saying it's charmed to stay warm.

"You," I shook my head, smiling from ear to ear, "know me far too well,"

"I could say the same," he took a step closer to me, his eyes bright blue, not a trace of grey in them.

"Your eyes are so pretty," I breathed, without meaning to.

"Pretty?" He looked at me quizzically, raising his eyebrows. 

"Don't be that person," I smirked, trying to play it off, "very pretty,"

He brushed his arm against mine which struck me as...odd. "Thanks again," he smiled.

"'Course," I stared back at him, studying his face. "I-I should probably see if Pansy's awake," 

"R-right," his face flushed a bit, as he took a step back. "Catch up with you later?"

"Mhm," I didn't move my eyes from his. Something about them was so...magnetic. 

That was the moment. That was the moment when I knew there was something extraordinary between us.

I smiled, turning away and walking up the stairs, holding the soft purple wool to my chest. 

"Pansy!" I giggled, running into our dormitory. The other girls looked like they had just woken up. Pansy sat up in bed, her hair unbrushed and she looked like she was sleeping five minutes ago. "You won't beleive this!" I sat down on her bed, an unstoppable grin on my face.

"Oh?" She yawned, taking a sip of water.

"It's about last night! Draco and me were nearly the third to last people to leave, and I don't exactly remember what happened when we got up to the commonroom, but when I woke up this morning, his arms were around me and our faces were practically a centimeter apart Pansy!" I flopped backwards, squeezing my eyes shut at the memory.

She shook her head, grinning knowingly. "Ready to admit your feelings for him?"

I just kept my eyes closed.

~~~~~~~~~~

"No joking, no fooling around, and for my sake and yours, don't be careless." A gruff voice filled the Defense against the dark arts classroom, the Monday after the Yule Ball. Professor Moody stumped into the room, his one wood leg clicking on the ground. "Books away."

The atmosphere of the class lifted. The promise of a practical class always meant we were in for a good day. Lucas nudged me, grinning as he pulled his wand out. I was glad to see him smiling today. His attempts with Louise had been going nowhere, and as much as he made it seem like a joke, he cared for her in a way I only wished someone would think of me. I think seeing him be so star struck by Louise was the first example of raw love I'd ever seen.

"Now," Moody began, pacing in front of his desk. "We covered the Unforgivables at the beginning of term. However, I want the chance to go more in depth with them." 

I never liked Moody. He was far too upfront for me, and it was sickening to see how he performed the unforgivable curses so easily, weather it was on a spider or not.

"Harvey!" Moody whipped around, his magical eye buzzing. "What does it take for one to perform an unforgivable curse?"

"Well, you have to really mean it, don't you? If we're testing that theory, I definitely have a person to volunteer." Lucas said, smirking a bit. I shook my head, smiling. I knew he was talking about Dylan. Some of the other Slytherins laughed, as most of them collectively hated McCain now. That's part of what I loved most about Slytherin House, despite our bad reputation, we were tight knit and if you wronged one of us, you'd have to deal with all of us. I had to hold Lucas back so he didn't rip Dylan to shreds when he found out last year.

"Correct. You must mean it inside your soul to be able to effectively perform an unforgivable." Moody grunted. "All of your could raise your wands and say the words and I wouldn't get more than a twinge." 

A few scoffs rose from the students. Moody raised an eyebrow, though it was hard to tell with his heavily scarred face. "Think you could do it, do you?" He laughed. "Any brave volunteers?" He mocked. Anger grew inside me, as I saw the smug look on his face. He released a water beetle onto his desk, letting it skitter around. He looked at us, daring any one of us to prove him wrong.

So I did. I stood up, ignoring Lucas's 'I knew she would' face and stood in front of the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.

"I'd be floored, Miss Evans, if you so much as make that bug twitch." He stuck out his wand,which I took, staring him directly in the eyes. Or, rather, eye, as his magical one whirred around the classroom, spinning into the back of his head. 

I took a deep breath, and pointed Moody's long and slender wand at the black beetle scampering around the wood desk.

"Imperio," I breathed. My first thought was the killing curse, but it made me sick to think that was my first instinct. The curse that killed my parents. A wave of heat washed over me.

Circles. I thought. Run in circles. 

Reluctantly at first, the little bug walked in circles on Moody's desk. I smirked at myself. 

Jump off the desk. 

The black beetle skittered to the end of the desk and then off of it, landing softly on all six of its feet. 

And out the door.

It scampered across the floor and out of the door, into the hallway. I shook my head, and I was brought back to reality. Moody was looking at me in amazement, while the class gawked at me. Lucas's jaw was wide open, staring back up at me.

"Wicked," he mouthed, side smiling.

"That was astonishing, Evans," Moody said after a moment. I handed his wand back to him, feeling as though I hadn't let him beat me.

"How the hell did you manage that?" Lucas asked, running a hand through his shaggy blonde hair.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "It was easy,"

"It shouldn't be,"

And he was probably right. But I'd grown up around unforgivables, I'd seen them used. I sighed, as a pit in my stomach started to form, realizing what I just did. I had just performed the imperious curse with no trouble? No hesitation?

What was I becoming?

~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up, many many hours later in a cold sweat. I had gone to bed early, feeling really uneasy to begin with. Mulling over my thoughts from earlier, feeling down in general.

I had another dream. Another one, and I hated myself for it. It just felt so real, like I was back in that house, with him on top of me, holding the back of my neck like reigns on a horse.

I couldn't even get away from Rodolphus in my dreams. The man that had taken so much from me. 

I suppressed the urge to throw up, trying to calm my nausea down by taking a sip of water. But my throat seemingly closed as soon as the liquid hit my lips. I choked it down, wiping sweat off my forehead and tears out of my eyes. My knees felt shaky and my stomach doing front flips.

I hated depending on him so much. Being such a burden on him. But all the same, I walked down the stairs, taking only baby steps, and up another staircase to the boys dormitory. I didn't know what time it was, only that it was pitch black outside, and the whole castle was asleep, the only light being the starts streaming in through the windows.

The door creaked slightly as I pushed it open, and I stepped as silently as I could to the furthest bed on the left side, the one I knew to be his.

"D-Draco," I whispered, my voice hoarse. I closed my hand around his arm, trying to keep myself from crying. I hated crying. "Wake up-p, please." 

After a moment he stirred, looking disoriented when he opened his eyes. "Tria?" He yawned. "Equestria?" 

All I could do was bite my cheek and squeeze his arm. I was not going to cry. He swung his legs out of bed, and not removing his arm from my grip, walked with me to the commonroom.

His eyes scanned my face, his brow furrowed. Without a word, he pulled me into a hug. I melted into him, feeling safe for once, in his arms. 

"Dream?" He whispered, rubbing my back.

"Bad one," I pushed my head in closer to him. "Worst one yet,"

"I'm so sorry," he mumbled into my ear. "But I know 'sorry' doesn't make it go away,"

I couldn't say anything, feeling the lump in the back of my throat building. 

I started to cry, not able to hold it in anymore, and I really did hate crying, especially in front of people. I cried, hard. And he hugged me, letting me get it all out, holding me close to him. 

"Thank you for everything," I didn't stop the tears that ran down my face, pouring down my cheeksZ.

"Don't need to thank me, Tria," he wiped them away with his thumb. "You're the one who saved me."


	13. ~eleven~

‘Well, tell her that I miss our little talks  
Soon it will all be over, and buried with our past...  
...And full of life and full of love’  
-Little Talks, Of Monsters and Men

Draco

We silently walked down from the castle, the wind whipping against my skin, spreading goosebumps over my skin. Equestria's lips were pressed into a thin line, she had been nervous for the second task, almost unbearably so. I drew my jacket around me tighter, as the strong breeze blew through the trees.

I didn't really want to be here, given how cold it was and how inviting the cozy commonroom fire had been, but Equestria was practically pulling her hair out, and Lucas would drive her out of her mind if he was the only one there. We took our seats in the stands, along with Lucas who was already waiting. It was just the three of us, Pansy hadn't bothered to get out of bed.

Equestria leaned into me a bit, resting her hand on my knee. I looked over at her, letting my eyes trace over her face, her nose and cheeks pink from the cold, her lips slightly parted. She turned her head towards me, and I looked away, feeling my palms get sweaty despite the temperature. 

"Bloody freezing," she mumbled, as a gust of wind blew through her dark hair after some minutes of silence had passed. The champions had already dove into the lake, far beneath the surface now, and we couldn't see a single thing that was going on below the depths of the murky water.

"Let's go inside," I groaned. Most of the slytherins hadn't bothered to come, and there was a lack of ravenclaws in the stands as well. "All we're going to do is stare at the lake for an hour,"

She shot me a look, and clutched her jacket more tightly around her. I yawned, my eyes feeling heavy. After Equestria had woken me up, I hadn't really been able to go back to sleep the night prior. Long after she was asleep on the couch, I was up, thinking, into the early hours of the morning. It killed me to see her like that, so hurt and nothing I could do about it.

I looked over at her yet again. Her green eyes were fixed on the surface of the lake, the champions deep below. Her sharp features glowed in the early afternoon sun. 

There were moments like this. Moments I wished for nothing more than to be able to tell her everything.

But just like I did every other time, I tore my eyes away from her, and pushed away my thoughts. I sighed, looking back down at the lake.

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria and I had this bad habit of falling asleep at the most inconvenient times, but I suppose that comes with staying up until the sun rises some nights, and then going to bed before dinner on others. When the sky was asleep, along with everyone else in the school, I guess that's when she and I had the most to say. We would stay up, staring at the stars, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, but never running out of words.

We would fall asleep practically on top of eachother sometimes, but mostly on opposite ends of the couch, our legs tangled up under the thick quilt that was always over us. Once or twice (or maybe a bit more than that) we would wake up holding hands. Maybe it was me taking hers, or her taking mine. Or maybe it was like fitting two puzzle pieces together.

This time, Equestria was asleep and it was only 6 in the afternoon. I rubbed the back of her hand, which I had slipped into my own after I was sure she was out. It felt nice, I guess. Her fingers wound through mine felt right. I brushed a stray piece of hair off her forehead, letting my fingers linger on her skin.

"Come on," I whispered, nudging her a little. "Time for dinner,"

Equestria turned over, obviously not fully awake at all. "No," she mumbled. "You're warm," her words slurred together, barely more than a whisper.

I smiled, shaking my head. I sighed, watching her chest rise as she breathed in and out, studying every detail of her face. "I wish you knew how I felt about you," I whispered. "I want you know that I care about you as so so much more than a friend. I like every single thing about you. You're made for me, I've known that for months now. You have my whole heart and you don't even know it. I just... I lo-" I shook my head. "I wish I could say this all to you when you weren't dead asleep."

I squeezed her hand a teensy bit. Maybe one day.

~~~~~~~~~~

"You don't remember yesterday afternoon, r-right?" I said to Equestria in an undertone as we walked into the library.

"No," She said, blowing a bubble with her gum and then popping it. The hallways were buzzing, more than normal, gossiping about the second task nonstop l8ke it was the most interesting thing in the world. "Should I?"

"No, no," I mumbled, shaking my head slightly as we sat down at our usual table in the library. "Are you okay?" I asked after a moment, noticing her lips were pursed and she wasn't looking up from her lap. 

"Yeah, don't worry." She dismissed, smiling a bit, but it wasn't real

"Come on, Tria. You know I know you better than that." I said, shutting my potions book to give her my full attention.

With a long breath out, she met my eyes. "In defense against the dark arts last week, we went over unforgivables. And Moody gave us the option to try it out and I did. I feel like a monster." Equestria said, all rushed.

I processed her words, not wanting to respond wrong. But she continued before I could come up with anything.

"When I was getting sorted, the sorting had told me I had the power to possess great evil or phenomenal good, and the choice was mine. Draco, what if I'm going down the wrong path?"

That's what this was really about. "Equestria, you're not like them. You won't ever be. We won't." I murmured, looking into her glassy eyes.

"You say that Draco, but w-what if there's a point in time where we don't have a choice?"

"Equestria, I know you better than anyone else. You're just you. You're not a death eater."

She stuck her pinky out, making sure her hand was bent so I could see the band on her fourth finger. 

I laughed under my breath, raising my eyebrows. "We're still doing this?"

"Of course we are. These hold our promises," she smiled weakly. I crooked my finger around hers. The smiled faded from my face slowly. We were so close together, I could smell her sweet perfume. My eyes flitted down to her lips, and back up to her eyes again, an emotion I couldn't place in them. She tilted her head just slightly, looking straight back into my eyes.

Footsteps thudded into the library. Equestria and I both sat up straight, looking at the ground. Louise came into view, a smile on her face. "Slytherin's are throwing a party. Come on, Lucas got firewhiskey." 

"You're a prefect, shouldn't you be stopping this sort of thing?" I asked.

Louise just shrugged and rolled her eyes, stepping back to leave. "See you down there, if you want to come."

"Want to go?" Equestria asked, pushing her books into her bag. I nodded, swallowing the knot in my throat.

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

The commonroom was crowded when Draco and I walked in, people swarming in all directions. We crossed the room to where a big group of our friends was gathered. Draco rolled his eyes, turning away from Blaise snogging some girl in the corner.

"Equestria," Lucas called, slurring his syllables together. "You came."

"Course," I smiled, glad to be rid of the thick tension between Draco and I, the light hearted air of the party was a welcome distraction. "Never want to miss a party."

Lucas led us over to a table where bottles and cups were crammed onto the small surface. With a flick of his wand, two cups filled with a mysterious alcohol, and I didn't bother asking what was in it before taking a small sip, the distinct taste of cheap vodka hitting my tongue, mixed with something sweet and fruity.

Draco tentatively took a sip, which did surprise me just a bit, I'd never really seen him drink before, I doubted he ever had. 

"Go easy so you don't have a killing hangover," I mumbled to him, watching as Lucas made his way over to see Louise, who to my shock didn't leave right away for her friends. "You think they're finally getting somewhere?"

"Doubt it," Draco mumbled. "Louise isn't the type to change her mind so easily."

"I'd hardly call it easily, he's been following her like a lost dog since we were like twelve years old." I said, taking another sip of the drink in my hand. The music in the room was loud, and with all the people in such close proximity, it was getting warm in the room. I put my drink down, pulling my sweater off, leaving me in a tight back shirt that left a tiny gap of my skin showing above my jeans.

"Have you seen Pansy?" Draco asked me.

"No, not since this morning." I answered.

"I'm going to find her, I'll be back soon," he said, excusing himself. I wondered why he had went so quickly, but I brushed it off, picking my cup up again, taking a sip and running a hand through my hair.

~~~~~~~~~~

An hour and a half later, the music was still blaring and the lights were colorful, everyone having probably too much of a good time. I stumbled as I walked just a little, the one-too-many drinks reaching my brain and making my coordination falter. I felt a hand grab mine from behind, stopping me from walking crooked.

I turned around, and I met Draco's eyes, though everything felt just a bit hazy. I grinned, stepping closer to him, putting my hands on his shoulders and cocking my head slightly.

"Hi," I smiled. "And where have you been?"

"Are you alright?" He asked, tucking my hair behind my ears, looking at me like he was studying my behavior.

"Wonderful," I mumbled, my eyes drawn to his lips, an overwhelming temptation to lean in and kiss him. I got up on my tip toes so we were more eye level now. It seemed as though bad decisions were in the air, mixed with the scent of Malibu rum and the faint smell of cigarettes.

"You're drunk," he said, pushing me away gently. "Come on, go upstairs and sleep it off, Equestria." 

"Mmm..." I hummed, not really listening to him, pressing our chests together and looping my arms around his shoulders. Draco looked lost, eventually putting his hands in his pockets and looking away, practically ignoring me. He took a few steps, letting me hang on him and dragging me along like I weighed nothing. 

"Damn, quidditch has done you good," I mumbled, surprised at how strong he was. His steps faltered, and I giggled, pulling one of my hands over my mouth. "Fuck, did I say that out loud?"

He looped an arm around my waist, shaking his head as he walked me up the stairs despite my pleas to go back downstairs. The music was muffled through the wall, and I leaned even more of my weight into him, his hand squeezing my waist. 

"Jesus, stop it." Draco said in a hushed voice, walking me up to my dorm, where we were met with a fit of giggles from a feminine voice as soon as we opened the door. 

"Oh- fuck, stop-" Louise laughed, pushing away Adrian Pucey who was kissing her neck, Louise pressed between him and the wall. He pulled away, his smile fading when he saw the two of us standing in the doorway. "Come on," she mumbled to him, taking his hand and leading him out the door, brushing past Draco and I without a word. Draco shook his head, letting go of me now that we were in the room. 

"I guess you were right about her and Lucas." I said, my brain fogged up with intoxication.

"Goodnight, Equestria," Draco said firmly. "Get some sleep."

~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes feathered open, and the first thing I felt was a pounding headache. My hands flew up to my temples, swearing under my breath. I hadn't ever been properly drunk before, but I suppose there's a first time for everything. I strained my mind to remember what happened last night, and I thought I mostly recalled everything that happened last night, which seemingly made my head hurt worse. 

I opened my eyes all the way, the light doing me no favors as my eyes found their way to Louise, who was still asleep, and sure enough, she had some deep purple marks on her neck, and her hair was absolutely a mess. 

I sat up slowly, my throat dry as I walked into the bathroom to shower. I stuck my toothbrush under the sink faucet, quickly brushing my teeth before stripping my clothes off and climbing into the shower, the water hitting my skin, refreshing and warm as the whispering water drops cocooned my body. I ran my hair under the water before soaping it up and running shampoo through it, and the rinsing it. 

My mind was a mess, a tornado of what if's as I thought of last night, wondering what Draco was thinking. I finished up quickly, squeezing my eyes closed and letting the water hit my face, cleansing and cool.

I stepped out, wrapping one towel around my body and one around my hair. I stepped out into the dorm, grabbing some clothes and going back into the bathroom to dress. I let my hair down from the towel, hanging wet over my shoulders. Louise was sitting up in bed when I walked out, raking through the knots in her hair with a comb.

"Fun night?" I asked teasingly.

"You have no idea," she mumbled, grinning.

"How'd that go?" I smiled.

She raised her eyebrows, shaking her head. "Where do I even start? I mean...wow. Amazing."

"Congratulations," I said, twisting my ring on my finger nervously. "Have you seen Draco?"

"No, sorry," she said, looking back into the mirror and resuming brushing her hair. "Ask Lucas."

"Speaking of, he's going to be torn up if he hears." I said.

She shrugged. "Maybe, but it's not like I owe him anything."

"Louise, he really really likes you."

"'S not like I'm going to go off and date Pucey, I don't see him like that, 's just friends with benefits," she said. 

I shook my head. "Maybe cover those before you come downstairs."

"I intend to. Now go find Draco, he's probably looking for you." She said, trading her comb for a brush and pulling at a knot. 

I stepped out of the dorm, unwelcoming butterflies flapping up a storm in my stomach. Lucas was sitting in the commonroom, twiddling a quill in his fingers and staring at a half written essay. I leaned over the back of the couch, over his left shoulder.

"Goblin rebellion was 1745, not 1785," I corrected, pointing at the mistake on his paper. Lucas mumbled something rude about the class under his breath, scratching out the year and writing the one I said. 

"Actually, maybe it was 1815- no, maybe 1695..." I teased. "Oh wait! It was 1745, I just remembered!" 

"Piss off." Lucas mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Have you seen Draco?" I asked him, brushing my hair away from my face.

"Yeah, I think he went for a walk." Lucas said, tossing the quill down. "But he seemed like he had a lot on his mind, might do best to leave him alone."

"Oh, right," I said, looking down at my shoes. "Thanks anyway."

I stepped out of the commonroom, suddenly feeling suffocated, like a rubber band was tightening around my windpipe. I walked quickly through the courtyard, up, up, up, probably a dozen flights of stairs to the tallest tower, the astronomy tower. I sat down and looked over the edge, letting my feet dangle over the edge, and part of me wondered what it would be like to jump.

~~~~~~~~~~

It hurt to see him. To look at him. It was hard to be in the same room as him anymore, because we were just friends. I didn't want to say it, because if I said it, it was real. But in my heart I knew how much I felt for him.

The end of term was a month away, which was sooner than it seemed. I sighed, knowing both of us were being stupid. It wasn't that we were ignoring eachother, because we weren't. But we were being distant, maybe subconsciously, maybe on purpose. 

I walked out of my dorm, nervous for what was about to happen. I knew it would be fine, Draco and me were closer than siblings, but it had been tense and hard between the pair of us for quite some time now. I walked out of the portrait hole, ignoring Lucas who called to me to play another round of exploding snap.

In my haste to find Draco, I wasn't really paying attention to where I was walking. I ran into someone, making me stumble and lose my balance. An arm grabbed me, keeping me from hitting the ground.

"Sorry, I just-" I stopped mid sentence, looking up at the person. A familiar blonde looked back at me. Draco let go or my arm, when I got back to my feet again. He cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking intently at his shoes.

"Draco," I said, getting anxious all of a sudden. "I was actually j-just coming to talk to you,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I paused, trying to get him to look at me but he wouldn't. "I miss you." 

He looked like he wasn't expecting my words, but finally met my eyes. "I miss you too. I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "You didn't do anything wrong. I hate not talking to you,"

"I hate it more. I've been miserable,"

I smiled a bit, looking back at him. I felt like we hadn't held eye contact for more than a split second over the past weeks. His eyes were bluer than the spring sky, I could swear they get brighter by the day. "We're alright?"

He grinned back at me. " 'Course," 

"Where were you heading?" I asked, looking away from his face, realizing how long I'd been staring. 

"Back to the commonroom. Just came from a walk with Louise, just needed to...get some stuff off my chest, I suppose. You know, I think she has a thing for Harvey."

"They'll end up together one day, mark my words." I said. 

We walked down the corridor, and in general I just felt...lighter. I had my best friend back, finally. Like a zillion weights got lifted off my shoulders.

"Have you been stressing out about the next task?" Draco asked.

I sighed. "I bit I suppose. I hope he makes it out alright. This whole thing hasn't ever sat right with me."

"I don't know Tria. Daring, danger, fame." He said dramatically. "If I were of age-"

"I would've stopped you from entering. Don't need you getting beheaded by some mermaid or something." I cut him off.

"How many days left till it, now?"

"Two weeks." 

Draco shook his head. "This year went by far too fast."

"I know. And what, you'll be fifteen this summer?"

Draco's face fell. "I-I missed your birthday," he said solemnly, ignoring my statement, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Oh. It's nothing, really. Just another year older." That was a lie straight through my teeth. I had spent the 18th of May crying my eyes out, hoping Draco would come around and wish me a happy birthday. "It's okay, really, Draco." 

He didn't look convinced, but he didn't say anything as we walked back into the commonroom. It was dim, the sun setting outside. 

"Have you two finally stopped being petty?" Pansy called, crossing the room towards us.

"Yes, for your information." Draco said sarcastically.

"Finally. It was so bloody tense without you two." Pansy smiled. "Exploding snap?"

Draco looked at me, obviously awaiting a yes. "Actually, I'm a bit tired."

"Woah, ladies and gentlemen!" Said Lucas, standing up from an armchair. "Equestria Evans! Refusing a game of exploding snap! Someone take this girls temperature!" He shouted, making other students turn their heads, but everyone was used to his antics for the most part.

I just rolled my eyes as he cracked himself up over his own joke, sitting down on the couch, curling my legs up under me. Draco sat down next to me, closer than usual. I leaned into him, suddenly sleepy. 

My stomach did front flips as Draco laced his fingers through mine, holding my hand. He didn't look at me, his gaze still fixed in front of him. I let my eyes close, breathing in Draco's comforting scent that I had missed so much. I ran my thumb over the back of his hand, feeling the cool metal of his rings against my fingertips. I relished in his touch, his skin soft against my own. His hands were usually colder, but today they were warm and gave me that same feeling like a cup of hot coco on a snowy day. 

I leaned into him, his warm body making my chills seemingly disappear. I couldn't help but take a deep breath in, the scent of cologne and mint that was oh-so familiar, that happened to be my favorite smell.

How could it not be, when it was attached to my favorite person?

~~~~~~~~~~

Draco 

Lucas and I were already waiting in the stands when Equestria showed up for the third task. The weather was finally starting to get warmer, and a nice breeze blew through the air so it was a beautiful afternoon. I couldn't help but notice Equestria was wearing long sleeves despite the weather being nice. 

"Hey," she said, leaning on the railings. Dark circles under her eyes were more pronounced, and I could tell she was nervous. 

"Why are we here?" Lucas complained, leaning on the railing. 

"I'm not forcing you to stay, especially if you're going to whine the whole time." Equestria snapped.

He mumbled something under his breath, but didn't leave. Equestria's eyes traveled over the top of the giant hedge maze as Ludo Bagman's voice rang out, announcing the current scores of the champions. And just like that, the four of them were in the maze, far past our sight.

"How are you feeling?" I murmured to Equestria, nudging her a bit. 

She pursed her lips. "I don't even know. I've been better."

"You look worried," I said.

Equestria sighed. "How could I not be? He doesn't know me, I know. Doesn't stop me from being scared for his...safety." 

I nodded, taking her hand in mine which had become a somewhat regular occurrence, but didn't make it any less special to me every time it happened.

"This isn't a great spectator sport," Equestria grumbled. The bushes hadn't moved an inch, and the stands were quiet. 

"I would tend to agree," Lucas muttered. 

Just then, red sparks flew up from the leftmost side of the maze. I glanced at Equestria, her eyes wide and fixed on the spot where the spell had been cast. Several wizards rushed into the maze, returning minutes later with Fleur Delacour, who looked unconscious and rather bloodied up.

I honestly didn't care about Potter, but Equestria did, so for her sake I hoped he would come out in one piece.

An hour later, Equestria was quite literally on the edge of her seat. Every noise made her head shoot up, waiting for someone to emerge with the cup. Especially since Krum had been practically dragged out, under some kind of dark spell, she was growing more anxious by the minute. 

A loud snap echoed out through the crowd, and Equestria jumped to her feet. As I stood, the crowd erupted in applause. Potter and Diggory were both holding the cup, both looking tattered but okay. Music started playing, a cheerful tune, and Equestria let out a huge breath.

A scream sounded from one of the older Hufflepuff girls. I looked towards her, wondering what had happened. Suddenly I felt Equestria squeezing my arm. I looked over at her, and she was ghostly pale and her mouth hung open, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. Her green eyes were fixed unwaveringly on the two champions. I squinted at the two boys, and a wave of nausea washed over me. 

Cedric Diggory was lying dead on the ground. And Harry Potter was clutching his corpse.

"That's my boy!" A broken voice shrieked from the stands. "That's my son!" 

A man pushed through the crowd and fell to his knees infront of the body on the ground.

"He's back!" Harry cried. "Voldemort's back!" 

I felt Equestria's iron grip on my arm loosen, and I barely had time to catch her as she fainted. Awkwardly holding her under the arms, I eased her down to sit. In a moment her eyelids fluttered and she looked around.

"He c-can't," was all she managed out, before chaos erupted in the stands. Some students looked unphased, like it was all a big joke. Others screamed, looking at one of our classmates' dead bodies. A few kids in the front had started to cry. Lucas looked scared, his stare flickering between Diggory's unmoving form, Equestria looking like she was about to pass out again, and the rest of the crowd.

Whatever was happening, I knew both mine and Equestria's regular lives had just come to a screeching halt. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I looked at my watch in a patch of moonlight. Nearly two in the morning. I hadn't been able to sleep for the past few hours and I'm sure the same was going for Equestria.

As quietly as I could, I tiptoed out of bed and out of my dormitory into the commonroom, where sure enough, Equestria was sitting, not crying, but looking close to it. She looked up at me, and then back down at her lap again. I sat down next to her, taking a deep breath in and then out. 

"Anxious?" She asked, finally looking at me.

"How could you tell?" I said after a moment.

She looked down at my hands. "I noticed you do that when you're nervous. Your fingers are all torn up."

It was true, I did pick at my fingers when I was preoccupied, just a bad habit. I glanced down at my fingertips and they looked pretty bad, but I could really only blame half of that on what happened yesterday afternoon. It was awful, but I was more concerned about wheat I'd be going home to. 

We sat in silence, but I was happy just to not be alone.

For the remaining few weeks of term, Equestria and I were both about as far on edge as you could be. She was usually right by my side, and I guess that was some kind of separation anxiety. Not that I minded, I was just worried it would be that much harder for her to go back home for the summer. 

Equestria was in bad shape, anyone could tell. It was a good day if she ate once or twice and slept for any more than four hours. But the bad days were for me and me only. Probably too often, the two of us would skip class and just sit around all day. She had just about no motivation to do anything but read any more, which she'd been doing a lot of. 

"New book?" I asked, snapping out of my thoughts. I had become accustomed to seeing the bright blue cover of some muggle book about an old man on a boat that was far too boring for me to take interest in. 

She nodded, marking her page by folding the corner over. "Muggle book. Called Anna Karenina. It's really beautiful, actually." 

"I'm worried, Tria." I sighed.

"I am too." She breathed, drumming her fingers on the cover of her closed book. "We'll figure something out."

"We always do."


	14. ~twelve~

"I wanna live with you  
Even when we're ghosts  
'Cause you were always there for me   
when I needed you most"  
-James Arthur, Say You Won't Let Go

Equestria

The train ride home was mostly silent. Louise sat with us, but she just stared out the window, her eyes glassed over, probably deep in thought. Maybe it was wrong, but I just couldn't get enough of Draco's touch. Through the whole ride, my hand was in his, or he was touching my knee, or I was leaned up against him, touching one way or the next. He was comforting and I felt...safe.

It wasn't that I was terribly upset at Cedric Diggory's death- I never knew him personally, though it was awful that he was killed at all. It was what Harry had said that was worrying me to no end. If he was back, what did that mean for me? For Draco? 

My life was flipped upside down the minute I heard his words, playing over every possible scenario in my mind. 

The train came to a slow. Immediately, Louise stood up, wiping her eyes and walking out of the compartment, without saying goodbye. I knew Louise's father was in close quarters with the dark side during the first war and only got out of prison because he gave names of other death eaters, she was probably anxious to get home.

"Well I guess I'll see you next year," Draco said, trying to smile, but his eyes told a different story. He looked preoccupied, like he was thinking hard about something or another.

I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded, because I knew if I said anything, the tears I'd been holding back would come falling out, and I really did hate to cry. 

"I promise I'll write." Draco handed me my bag, concern stitched through his voice. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more," I practically whispered, my voice wavering.

We walked off of the train, onto the crowded platform. There was no buzz of excitement, no happy conversation. Everyone's mood was somber and muted, the news of Cedric Diggory's death had spread like wildfire.

I looked around the crowd for a man I really didn't want to see, but Rodolphus was nowhere in sight. I was surprised to see Narcissa walking towards me, her face lined and worried. I turned to Draco who was looking just as confused as me. 

"Equestria," she said in a hushed voice, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You're coming with us,"

"Why?" Draco asked.

"Hush Draco." She hissed, a sense of urgency in her voice that unnerved me. Draco looked at me as anxiety started to build in my stomach. If I were staying with Draco over the holiday, she would have just said so.

Narcissa stepped between him and I, extending one arm to me and the other to Draco.

I'd only appeared once before, and it was just as unpleasant as I'd remembered. Like I was being squeezed through a tube that was far too small. Just as I felt like my lungs would pop, my feet planted onto the ground, making my knees buckle. In front of me was Malfoy Manor, foreboding and dark. 

Draco held his hand out to me, and I took it as I stood up. He squeezed my hand, obviously just as nervous as me. Narcissa shook her head at us, looking as though she was having a heavy internal struggle.

"Don't." She said, looking down at our hands clasped together and then to each of our faces in turn. "Draco, listen to me. You are to go straight up to your room and stay there until I come to get you."

"I'm not going to just go and leave h-" He interjected, gripping my hand tighter.

Narcissa grabbed both of our wrists, yanking our hands out of each other forcefully. "Draco. It's for your own safety. Not to worry, okay? I promise everything will be fine." 

But the look on the look on her face said otherwise. 

"Equestria," Narcissa continued. "Come with me, alright? Don't speak unless you're spoken to." My heart raced. How cryptic she was being made me feel like I wasn't going to like what I was walking into.

Narcissa pushed the door to the manor open, and pushed Draco towards the stairs, which he hurried up two at a time, obviously frustrated as ever. I followed her down the hall into the dining room, which was eerily silent. The dining table came into view, where I had once eaten dinner. Bile rose in my throat and I felt like I was going to pass out, throw up, or both.

A pale, snakelike man sat at the end of the table, surrounded by maybe seven other men, a horrible, eerie presence that was like seeing a mutilated corpse.

"Equestria," Voldemort hissed, rising from his seat at the table. The room started practically spinning, and I was more light headed than I'd ever been in my life. "How pleased I am, to finally meet you."

Narcissa grabbed my shoulder harshly, forcing me into a chair at the opposite end of the table so I was directly across from him. His scarlet eyes were fixed on me, and I stared back, begging myself to not lose consciousness. I prayed they couldn't hear my heart thudding like a bass drum or my erratic breathing, my chest heaving up and down.

"You, Equestria, were raised with nothing but our ways. You all...," He gestured to the others. "...may question my decision to have her as my second in command. But she knows nothing else other than our ideals. She is perfect for my purposes. My plan worked splendidly." Voldemort gave a stomach churning smile that sent shivers down my spine and made every single muscle in my body tense up, like a rubber band wound so tight that it would snap.

"My Lord, while I respect your decisions, how much use will the girl be and-" A blonde man spoke. Lucious Malfoy. As if I didn't have enough reasons to hate him already.

"Lucius. Always doubting my choices. She will be of very much use to me." He hissed cooly.

Everything was a blur. A sleepy, surreal blip in time. I couldn't even process what was going on.

Maybe a minute later, maybe an hour later, Narcissa squeezed my shoulder, motioning for me to go upstairs. I walked straight into the room I had stayed in nearly a year and a half ago, not stopping and going straight into the bathroom. I leaned into the sink and threw up, emptying the very little contents on my stomach. I wretched, feeling shaky and helpless. I shut my eyes, squeezing them tightly. 

That was the turning point.

The start of a war.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Listen," Narcissa said, pushing the door to my room open. I looked up from my tearstained pillow, at her. "I've told them you've gone to sleep. You can go see him," She nodded across the hall to where I knew Draco's room was. I wiped my eyes, trying to get rid of the tear tracks that lingered on my cheeks. I didn't know what to say so I just nodded, walking past her and opening Draco's door without knocking.

He was staring out the window, his fingertips all torn up from obviously picking them like I knew he did when he was anxious. He spun around, looking me in the face.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice hoarse and wound with stress.

But I couldn't even talk, I just buried my head into his shoulder and cried. He held me close to him and let me cry into his shoulder even though he didn't know why. My legs felt weak and I sunk onto the floor, and he sat there with me, holding me tightly until I could catch my breath.

"He was there," I choked, but that brought a fresh wave of crying. My vision blurred, I couldn't even close my eyes because if I did, a serpentine man plagued my thoughts like ink in water, contaminating everything it touched.

"Tria, Tria, who was there?" He asked, looking scared.

"Voldemort," I whispered, Draco pulled me into him again, keeping one hand at the back of my head. "He was there,"

"I don't understand, Tria,"

"H-hes there! Here! Downstairs! He says i-i'm like them! L-like I-I-" I couldn't put a sentence together, my thoughts so scrambled in my mind. I couldn't even have any semblance of holding it together anymore. I completely melted, sitting on his bedroom floor. 

"It's okay, I promise, okay? It's okay," He whispered.

I couldn't say anything. I hardly had the energy to cry anymore. I couldn't say weather in was exhaustion or just shock, but everything went blurry and I was fighting to keep my eyes open.

~~~~~~~~~~

I opened my eyes, squinting at the light, the room coming into focus after a moment. I rubbed my eyes blearily. I was comfortable and warm but it didn't register with me that I wasn't waking up in my dormitory until a few seconds passed. It was Draco's room. I looked around, after realizing I was in his bed and he wasn't next to me. Hushed voices were coming from the hallway, one I recognized as his. I slowly got out of bed, walking over to the door. I pressed my ear to the wood and the voices became clearer.

"-can't stay here. One night, and it's killing her!" Said the more familiar voice out of the two.

"What would you like me to do, Draco?" Narcissa's voice said pointedly. "Let her go home with that sorry excuse of a man, Lestrange, or she can stay here and at least have-"

"And have her see the man who killed her parents? Live in the same house as him? Thats bloody terrible-"

"Let me talk!" She hissed. "At least she'll have food! And you, Draco! I'm not a fool, anyone can see she's neglected! The poor girl is hit! Do you want that?"

"Of course I don't want that! But she can make decisions for herself and-"

"Draco don't be an idiot! Do you even understand what we're dealing with! He doesn't want to see reason and he certainly doesn't want anyone's opinions, let alone hers! I will be keeping her here as long as I can and that's final." Footsteps tapped down the hall.

The door opened before I could do more than take a few steps away. Draco stepped in, his eyes red and tearful.

"Equestria-," He mumhled, wiping his eyes on his sleeve quickly. "You're up,"

"I-Is he still...." I trailed off but he knew what I was talking about. 

Draco nodded slightly, which was enough to make my stomach churn, my nausea returning. I had such a weak stomach, it almost made me mad.

"I'm so sorry," Draco muttered, shaking his head but not looking at me in the eyes. 

"Don't be. We just have to hold out eight weeks. We can do eight weeks." I whispered.

Draco nodded again, blinking back tears.

"I-Its okay to cry, you know?" I said softly, reaching for his hand but stopping, and just slipping into my pocket instead om second thought.

He nodded quickly, barely moving his head. 

"It'll be fine, I promise," I said, looking down at my feet, though I wasn't even sure I believed it myself.

~~~~~~~~~~

A sharp pain shot through the right side of my torso, and I lost my balance and landed on my backside. I bit my lip to keep from gasping, and I could practically feel a bruise blooming on my right ribcage.

"That's what you get, girl." Rodolphus snarled. He had been coming to the manor several times a week now, whenever meetings were held. I stared him straight in the eyes, not wavering under his glare. He stalked off after a few seconds, cloak swishing behind him. I pushed myself up off the ground, gently running a hand over where he had hit me. I winced even at the slightest touch.

I hurried upstairs, into Draco's room just like I did every night. Today had been particularly bad, for both of us. I was forced to sit at the table for hours, listening to them go on and on about their plans. I had tried to tune it out, but easier said than done. Draco had sat alone in his room all day, forbidden to even open his door by his mother. He was miserable, being so cooped up.

Draco turned to face me as I pushed his door open. He picked up a quill and made another mark on a small piece of parchment we'd been keeping.

"Only two more weeks now, Tria," he said hopefully. 

"Couldn't come soon enough." I sighed, sitting down on his bed. "Wish we could just have a normal summer."

"We never stood a chance at being normal." Draco teased. I smiled a bit. Draco always could do that to me. No matter how bad of a day I had, he could always make me smile with just a sentence. I looked into his eyes, his bloody gorgeous eyes.

I knew I had to forget about my feelings for him. Realistically, we couldn't ever be together. But I just couldn't. Especially not when we kept looking at eachother like this.

Right then and there, I really would've done it. I would have just kissed him right there. But a soft knocking was heard from the other side of the door. I straightened up, I didn't realize how far Draco and I were leaning towards eachother. Narcissa stepped into the room, her hand lingering on the doorknob.

"I'm taking you two to Diagon Alley to get your school things tomorrow," She said, looking at both of us. "10 o'clock, alright?"

We both nodded, and Narcissa shut the door, walking off. I noticed she looked older than she had the first time I met her merely a year and a half ago. 

"At least we'll be out of here tomorrow," Draco said, standing up and crossing the room.

"Yeah," I agreed, fiddling with my two rings, which were now on the same finger. "I'll be back in a minute." I said, pushing the door open after Draco had nodded. 

I walked across the hall into the room where I was supposed to be sleeping. More nights than not, I would come into Draco's room because I just couldn't be alone with my thoughts anymore. I knew if I was, I would just go back to...old ways. After my first week at the manor, I think Draco had a hard time leaving me alone, but not really in a bad way. I didn't mind at all, actually I preferred to be with him. It was infuriating to constantly be locked away, especially with no way to contact anybody outside the house. I hadn't written to Remus nor Sirius, not to mention Lucas or Pansy.

I pulled my shirt off, putting an old, but much more comfortable, teeshirt on, along with a pair of shorts. I walked into the bathroom, brushing my hair out, which was too long even for me now, dangling down to my hips. I worked through the tangles, staring back at my reflection in the mirror. My skin was washed out and my eyes looked almost hollow. I shook my head, tossing my hairbrush on the counter and walking out of the little bathroom.

I crossed the hall again, going into Draco's room. My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat, and I really couldn't stop staring as I saw Draco take his shirt off over his head, tossing it over the back of his desk chair. My eyes wandered down to his toned chest, and quidditch had really done him some favors. My veil was interrupted, though, as he pulled a Slytherin sweater on. I made a point to make sure he heard my hand on the doorknob as I walked into the room. My cheeks burned as I sat back down on his bed, letting out a sigh. 

I mean, you'd have to be blind to think Draco wasn't attractive. But I had grown up with him and it never completely registered with me that he was just...different. In quite a good way. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Draco

I layed down on my back, letting out a big breath. Equestria was curled up at the other end of my bed, her nose buried in a book. One night, long after everyone was asleep, we'd tiptoed down to my mother's library where Equestria had found an arm full of old muggle books to keep her occupied. That was the first time I'd seen her properly smile since holiday had began, as we creeped around the echoing manor, talking in only hushed whispers in the early hours of the morning when only the moon was awake.

I was trying to be with her as much as possible, afraid of what would happen if I left her alone, especially after a day she had to sit with them all day, surrounded by the people she hated more than anything, a burning hellfire in her heart. It had scared me, her second or third night here. The whole house was quiet, everyone asleep. But I heard something from across the hall, something that sounded a lot like crying. I remember getting out of bed, and creeping across the hall to see Equestria's empty bed. The light was on in the bathroom, and I pushed the door open, and that was one of those moments where your stomach completely drops, and all the color drains out of your face and all you can think is no, no, no.

There had been, clutching her left wrist, tears pouring off her face. Blood on the counter, in the sink, on her hands.

"Draco! Please, just go away!" She had tried to shut the door, upon doing so, exposing the fresh lines on her wrist, blood dripping down. I remember pushing the door all the way open, grabbing a towel, and gingerly taking her bloody wrist in my hand, pressing the cloth down until it stopped flowing out of the new cuts. And that wasnt easy, because I hated seeing blood, even worse smelling it or touching it.

But what I hated more was seeing the girl I loved so much hurt herself.

"There's something I want to show you," I said, nudging her so she broke her stare away from her latest read. 

"Won't we get in trouble?" Equestria asked skeptically, folding over the corner of her page and looking up at me, seeing as I was now standing.

"Nah, I've done it a zillion times. But I really want you to see it." I held my hand out, which she took after a moment, wrapping her fingers around mine. I led her into the hallway, and up yet another set of stairs, up to the third floor of the manor. I opened the door to a room where mostly extra books were stored, and walked her over to the far side of the room. Unlocking and opening the only window in the room, I stepped out of it and onto the roof.

She gripped my hand tightly, but stepped out with me, her lips open as she looking over the beautiful view. I sat down, never letting go of her hand, and she did the same.

"This is...gorgeous," she breathed, looking up at the sky. Stars speckled the blackness like pinholes in a dark cloth.

"It's my favorite place. I've wanted to show you this for ages." 

Several minutes of silence passed, both of us soaking in the stunning view. 

"Thank you," she said, somewhat out of the blue, leaning into me, resting her head on my shoulder. 

"For what?" I asked, looking at her, illuminated in the moonlight.

"I won't lie to you Draco," she sighed. "If I hadn't met you, I would've been gone a long time ago."

I put my arm around her, and she put her head on my shoulder.

"So would I." I said, tentatively reaching my arm around her to pull her closer, the warm summer air blessing us like a gift from the constellations above us. "Don't thank me."

"I wish we could get away from this all." She said, something like a mix of sadness and frustration in her words.

"We will." I said. "One day."

~~~~~~~~~~

I held Equestria's hand as we stepped onto the train. Her face was relaxed for the first time in weeks, and I was just as happy to be going back to school after a god awful summer. We were one of the first there, and I walked to the very back of the train to a prefects compartment, her hand still in mine. I had gotten the letter over the summer that I was a prefect, along with Pansy. We settled into our seats, and Equestria let out a long sigh.

"Anything on your mind?" I asked.

She smiled slightly. "We're away from hell for ten months."

Someone knocked slightly on the door to the compartment, and it slid open to reveal Louise.

"Hi, Equestria, Draco," she said, forcing a smile. "Have either of you heard from Lucas?"

Equestria shook her head. "Not recently. Last I heard, he was really torn up over you and Pucey." 

Louise rolled her eyes. "Of course he was. He worried me sick, not writing to me all summer. I'll see you two at school,"

"Louise, it's your last year here already?" I asked. It was funny to think of Louise not at school, I'd known her forever.

"Yeah," she said, fighting slightly. "Scary."

"See you around," Equestria said, swinging her feet and playing with a piece of hair around her finger.

In a few minutes, Pansy had walked into the compartment, noticeably a few inches taller than when I'd last seen her. 

"Equestria, Draco, it's so good to see you both, I was beyond worried. Draco, d'you have a moment?" She asked, gesturing outside the small compartment.

I nodded and stepped out with her. The hallway was calm, only Prefects and Head Boys and Girls allowed in this part of the train, though nobody said anything when I'd walked back with Equestria.

"I heard about everything," Pansy said in a rushed whisper. "Are you both okay?"

"Shaken, but we're fine. Equestria's been scared out of her wits but she's starting to do better,"

"Thank Merlin, I didn't know if it would get you in trouble if I wrote," she said, breathing out. "You know what my question is going to be now,"

"No Pansy. I haven't told her, this summer was horrible, on her more than me. And I'm not going to tell her. If Equestria and I were meant to be...we would've been by now. I can't sit around waiting for her when she's not interested."

"Draco, if you would just listen to me. I really think it's worth a shot because-"

"I love her, Pansy, don't you understand? I love her so bloody much. It's so hard to sit here and pretend it doesn't kill me that we're just friends! To have to look at her and remind myself that we're not going to happen. There were so many chances. If she even felt a little bit of anything-"

"Draco!" Pansy snapped. "Listen to me for a bleeding second!"

I shut my mouth, though I had plenty more to say. 

"I never felt like it was my place to say anything. But I can't stand to see you two like this anymore. I refuse to betray Equestria's trust, but..." she trailed off, looking at me meaningfully. "Look, I mean really look, at how she looks at you. For her sake and yours, alright?

I got those same butterflies in my chest when those words left Pansy's lips as I did every time Equestria and I touched. "Pansy, are you saying she...?"

"You find out for yourself. Every opportunity has an expiration date, Draco. It would really be a shame if you let a girl like her get away. It's better to know than to always wonder what could've been."

Pansy turned on her heel and walked out of the hall, back into our compartment where Equestria was. I stood outside, processing the new information. Truthfully, it had never dawned on me that she could have real romantic feelings for me, I had really always thought that my feelings were unrequited.

I walked back into the compartment, my mind swirling with fragments of thoughts, as I was seemingly unable to focus on one thing. Equestria looked up at me, pulling the corners of her mouth up in a quick smile as I sat down. Pansy was looking out the window, propping her chin up in her hand, but I swear I saw her roll her eyes and smile when Equestria leaned on me, letting out a small sigh.

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria and I were both under the thick quilt on the commonroom couch, several hours after we had gotten off the Hogwarts express. The log fire lit up the room, projecting a comforting air as everyone caught up with friends, read, or played chess.

We sat in silence and I surveyed the room, everyone talking softly, and it was nice to be out of the manor, back at a place that was more like home. It was refreshing to at least feel normal for once, away from having the dark lord living in my house. I watched Equestria weave her waist length black hair into two long, precise plaits going down her back, like she sometimes did before going to sleep. I couldn't stop from smiling as I saw her screw up her face in concentration, her slender fingers working behind her head, and cursing under her breath when she dropped a piece of hair.

She flicked two of her fingers in a give-me gesture and I handed her one of the black hairties she had left on the arm of the couch. I watched her as she looped it around the end of her hair, her braid falling like a thick rope over her shoulder. Once she was done with both plaits, she stretched, resuming her hardcover book where she'd left off (now, it happened to be War and Peace for the second or third time), leaning up against me, her back to my shoulder.

"I'm going to bed," Equestria yawned after a half an hour, standing up.

"Night," I said, standing up to hug her. She sucked in a breath sharply as my arm touched her right side. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, fine," she said hurriedly, walking up to her dormitory after flashing a close-lipped smile. "Goodnight,"

I looked after her, a wide array of thoughts clouding my mind., but I brushed them all away, deciding I could deal with them later.

I stood up, leaving the warmth of the couch, over to where Louise sat with a group of her friends. "Louise?"

"Yeah?" She asked, looking up at me.

"Do you think you could teach me how to braid hair?"


	15. ~thirteen~

"I will carry you over  
Fire and water for your love  
And I will hold you closer"  
-One Direction, Through The Dark

Draco

"We should probably head back," Equestria mumbled, turning her palm up to face the rapidly greying sky. A few stray raindrops pattered onto her hand, tapping dully. We had taken a walk over the grounds, savoring the last of the warm weather, the late September breeze light and fresh in the air. 

I looked up at the storm clouds, a distant rumble of thunder reaching our ears. "Maybe so."

She stooped to the ground, slipping her sneakers back on her feet, which she had taken off when she'd stopped to put her feet in the lake water, and lacing them up again as a light rain started to fall, making spots on both of our clothes. I grabbed both of our coats, tossing them over my arm, which she'd carelessly dropped on the ground. My eyes felt glued to her as I watched her every movement, what Pansy had said to me on the train had been absorbing most of my thoughts. 

But without another second going by, the sky opened up and rain was coming down in buckets, soaking both of us in seconds. I pushed my hair out of my face, water dripping underneath my clothes and down my back. Equestria's hair hung in a wet curtain around her face, and she looked just as surprised as I felt.

And the second we made eye contact, we were both laughing instantly, harder than we had in many months. It was still downpouring around us, but I dont think either of us cared. My eyes met hers, gorgeous and glowing in the gloomy weather. The ghost of laughter still lingered on her face which I could see clearly despite the thick sheet of rain in the two feet between us.

And just like that, her lips were on mine, kissing me like her life depended on it. Not in a sweet, soft kiss, but in one full of emotion and lust. She threw her arms around my neck, pressing our chests together and pulling me as close as possible. I squeezed my eyes closed, kissing her back straight away, cupping her face in one hand, my other on her waist. She ran her tongue over my bottom lip hastily, and I parted my lips even farther, letting her taste fill my mouth. 

Both of our clothes were completely soaked now, but that didn't deter us in the slightest. She pulled back barely an inch, hardly giving us time to breathe before our mouths were connected again, our lips moving in sync and my tongue flicking over her lips. I tangled my fingers in her wet hair, keeping our lips tight together. My senses were overwhelmed, between the sweet smell of her perfume mixed with the pouring rain, my fingers in her hair and her taste.

Our lips continued to move in sync for an unmeasurable amount of time, it felt like forever but somehow was never going to be long enough. We broke apart, though I really didn't want to. My hands still in her hair, hers back on either side of my face, but our bodies were pressed so close together, there was no space between our chests. I stared into her eyes, with some mix or clarity and raw attraction, but I pulled her lips to mine once more, in a slower kiss. Because if this, by chance, was a lapse in Equestria's judgement, I couldn't have it be over too quickly.

I pulled away, forcing air down my lungs, but in a mere few seconds we were together again, kissing madly, our lips moving in sync once again. She mumbled something into my lips, but I was too lost in this magical moment to hear her.

This was the type of kiss you read about in books, one of the things you could only dream to have. I pulled away, farther back this time, my eyes searching hers half of me was still completely in shock. She pressed her forehead against mine, breathing heavily, rain still pouring down all around us, but in that moment, her and I were the only people in the world, intertwined, two puzzle pieces that finally got put together. Equestria and I were seemingly in our own universe, far far away from reality, from anyone else that could possibly ruin this. 

She brought both of her hands to each side of my face, running her fingers over my cheeks, a slight smile poking at the corners of her mouth. I couldn't help but smile, my heart light and full for the first time in my whole life. 

"Equestria..." I mumbled, reaching up and pushing her wet hair away from her perfect, porcelain face. 

"Don't," she said, barely above a whisper, shaking her head slightly. "Save it. Just kiss me." 

~~~~~~~~~~

Many hours later, we were sitting in the deserted commonroom, more space than usual between us. She had her nose buried in a book, and I was staring off into the fireplace, my mind fogged and clouded. 

"Equestria?" I said, breaking the silence in the room. She looked up, her beautiful green eyes peering over the brown cover of her book, meeting my own.

"Yes?" She asked, shutting her book.

I picked at my fingers, nervously trying to form the right sentence in my head. "What's going on between us?"

She sighed, looking down, turning her ring on her finger. "Depends on what you want."

"What do you want?" I asked, my stomach flipping.

"I think I know what I want but in complete honesty, I don't know." She said, not meeting my eyes.

"What do you think you want?"

"You first, please," She muttered.

"I won't lie to you, Equestria, I've had feelings, real feelings, for you for a really long time." I said, feeling vulnerable and I supposed I might as well just put all my cards on the table. "If it's mutual, I want to give us a...chance. Give us a chance."

She smiled a bit, her face flushing. "Safe to say it's mutual. So...is this you asking me to be your...?"

"Are you saying yes?" I asked quickly, my heart skipping a beat, nothing but complete happiness booming inside me.

"Yes," she said right away, "Yes."

I smiled, watching her as she put her book down and scooted over towards me, leaning up against my chest. I tensed up, not entirely sure what to do, but I tentatively placed my arm around her shoulders, holding her closer to me. She eventually rested her head in my shoulder, both of us content though neither of us were talking. 

"Why were we so stupid?" Equestria muttered into my shoulder, I could hear the smile in her voice.

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"When we're we going to realize normal best friends didn't hold hands all the time, or fall asleep on top of eachother?"

I laughed under my breath. "Some things are worth waiting for."

"Some things are." She agreed. "This is one of them."

"That means something, considering you have no attention span whatsoever."

"Piss off." She muttered halfheartedly, taking my free hand in hers, rubbing her thumb on the back of it slowly. The only sound in the room was the crackling of the dying fire and Equestria's slow, steady breathing. Her scent filled the room, sweet and floral, soft. 

Her eyes feathered shut, but it was far too early for her to be tired yet. I squeezed her hand. "You alright?"

"We'll make it work between us, right?"

"Of course."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

~~~~~~~~~~

One would think a lot of tension would be relieved now that me and Equestria had untangled our mess of feelings for eachother. It's not that we're unhappy, actually the two of us are far happier now. But we're learning eachother in a whole new way. 

It feels surreal. Being with her is something I've wanted for ages, but it always seemed unattainable. Every time I see her I have to remind myself that things are different, like I can just reach out and hold her hand or something now. It was an adjustment. Not a bad one, but an adjustment nonetheless.

I thought Pansy was going to faint when we told her. Apparently Pansy knew, on both ends for nearly two years now. Lucas was just as happy, but the first thing he said was threatening me that if I were to ever hurt her, he would personally jinx me into next week:

We'll work things out and get used to it, we were both entirely invested, but just as there always are, there are worries in the back of my mind. I don't know how to be a good boyfriend. I'd never been in a relationship before. And outside of school, just how could we be together?

But I didn't have the space of mind to worry about that, at least not right now.

We'd been a little clingy to say the least, I think she was in the same position that I was. I looked over at Equestria, who was sitting right next to me. After a second she looked over at me too, smiling a bit. I stared into her deep sage eyes that were always so magnetic. 

We hadn't kissed again since yesterday afternoon. And as much as I wanted to right then and there, the very little her and I had talked about it, we agreed we should keep our relationship at least somewhat private, at least for now. Equestria took my hand in hers, running her thumb across the back of my hands, her cold rings pressing against my skin. I couldn't stop my smile, because it hadn't really set in yet.

We were together.

And we were happy.

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

Draco and I sat at the waters edge, watching the sun set, painting the sky a mix of purples and pinks. Draco's hand was resting in mine idly, but I pulled them apart, reconnecting them a second later, intertwining our fingers instead.

"What was that for?" He scoffed, smiling but squeezing my hand.

I rolled my eyes. "If you're going to hold my hand, hold it right."

"Leave it to you to say something like that," Draco laughed softly, shaking his head. 

I turned my head to look at Draco fully in the face, he was already facing me. I set my gaze on his bright blue eyes, my eyes flicked down to his lips and back up again. We both leaned in and our lips connected in a short, but beyond meaningful kiss. It wasn't like the one we shared in the rain- that kiss was lustfull and quick, and honestly a bit sloppy.

This was slow and sweet, calculated but natural. The butterflies were back, making my heart flutter. I pulled away after a moment, relishing in the taste of his lips that now lingered on mine. We both looked at the ground, blushing madly. 

Draco took his hand out of mine, putting his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to him. I let out a deep breath, gazing over the water at the gorgeous sky.

"This is perfect," I murmured softly. "You. Us. I've been waiting for this for so long."

"If we weren't total bimbos, we would've got this train moving a lot faster," Draco smiled.

A stupid grin came over my face, and I just rested my head on his shoulder. We watched as the remaining colors faded from the sky, and it turned dim. 

"Should probably head back," I sighed, straightening up a bit.

"Yeah," He said as we both stood, keeping our hands tightly wound together. We walked down the halls when I felt my hand forcibly yanked out of Draco's. I looked around to see a stumpy woman, dressed in all pink.

"Hem-hem," she coughed, in a voice that sounded fit for a toddler. Her frumpy appearance made me scowl. "Boys and girls will stay a minimum of six inches apart." 

I opened my mouth to argue, but Draco shook his head and hurried forward, and I had no choice but to follow. I glared at Professor Umbridge, who I only knew from Defense Against the Dark Arts class. She was a shit teacher, that was no secret, but I didn't think it would spread outside her classroom. 

I hurried to catch up to Draco, and as soon as the foul woman was out of sight, I reached for his hand, but it was clenched in a fist and he was looking unwaveringly forward. I shyly put my hand back in my pocket, not wanting to push him. 

There were many, many things I loved about Draco, of course. There was a whole list, really. But one thing I hated unwaveringly, was his bad temper. He was scary when he was really angry, though I wouldn't ever admit it.

We walked into the commonroom, Draco obviously bothered. Louise and Lucas sat in our usual spots, playing a game of gobstones, which I happened to know Lucas hated, but Louise loved. I rolled my eyes. He was absolutely whipped for her.

Draco sat down on the couch, clasping his hands in his lap, and I could see the tension in his jaw. He was obviously thinking about something, hard.

I walked behind the couch, putting my hand delicately on his shoulder, leaning down and asking him softly if there was anything I could do for him. He simply shook his head, mumbling something about a headache. I nodded, taking the hint and slipping away, off to my dormitory.

I sat down at my desk, rolling out two fresh pieces of parchment, addressing one to Sirius, and the other to Remus. I started writing, telling them every detail I could remember of this summer, anything concerning You-Know-Who and the death eaters. Every plan, every name, every location that I'd been repeating in my head for weeks. I scribbled it all down in a letter, among a few other details. I made sure to ask when I could come see them and asked where Sirius was. I sealed both envelopes, unlocking the cage of Pansy's owl. I tied them up, opening the window and letting the sleek grey bird fly out into the night sky, blending into the blackness. I hoped it would reach its destination sooner rather than later. 

I ran a hand through my hair, which I reminded myself that I needed to ask Pansy to cut. I walked back down the stairs, but was met with Louise standing at the bottom, like she had been waiting for me.

"Trouble in paradise?" She asked, leaning her back up against the wall. "Draco doesn't look too happy."

"No, I assume he's not. We had a great day, really, we watched the sun set over the lake and everything was good until we ran into Umbridge and then-"

"Don't tell me, did she pull the 'boys and girls must be at least six inches apart' bullshit?" Louise asked, mocking Imbridge's high pitched tone, rolling her eyes.

"She did, and we weren't even doing anything bad, just holding hands," I shrugged.

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." Louise said, her face somewhat serious, her full lips pressed into a line. "I've known Draco since we were young. Not to mention he's spilled his guts out to me for the past year to me about how he feels for you. I know Lucas told him not to hurt you, but please don't hurt him, Equestria, not that I think you would. He cares for you too much."

I mulled over her words, shaking my head a bit. "I could never dream of hurting him Louise."

"He's fragile, Equestria," she said, biting her lip. "He doesn't know what a real relationship is yet. He's never cared for someone half as much as he cares for you, alright? Anyone can see that."

I nodded again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Try me."

"Have you ever been in love? Like really in love?"

Louise took a deep breath in. "I dunno. There's this guy..." she said, looking in the direction of the commonroom. "That I care for an awful lot." 

"Hopefully it'll work for both of us, then." I breathed, brushing a stray hair off my forehead.

I couldn't speak for Louise and whoever her mystery boy was, but I knew it would work out for Draco and I.

We looked at eachother too meaningfully to be nothing.

But that's probably what they all say. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Draco and I walked down the cobblestone street of hogsmede, not holding hands, but our fingers hanging dangerously close and the back of our hands brushing against eachother once in a while. I slowed, just before we passed a small tea shop. I looked at Draco, who glanced between me and the simple shop.

"Want to go in?" He asked, raising his eyebrows in a 'seriously?' way.

I put on a cheesy grin, taking his hands in mine. He rolled his eyes.

"Only for you." He mumbled.

I might have seen just a hint of a smile on his lips as he held the door open for me. It wasn't particularly busy, only a few other couples in the small building. I rolled my eyes as I saw a much older Dylan McCain, sitting with a ravenclaw girl I didn't recognize. I angled my chair so my back was towards him, and I noticed Draco shooting him a look that could kill. 

A tense silence fell between us, not like usual. I didn't really know what to say, though it probably shouldn't be as weird as we were making it. I sipped on my tea, unable to meet Draco's eyes directly. I noticed Draco twiddling with his black ring, twisting and untwisting it off his finger and then back on again.

"Two years, we've been wearing these," I said, looking down at my own ring. "Feels like such a long time ago, huh?"

"Feels like ages ago," he agreed, sipping at his tea, which was far lighter than my own, he probably had at least three spoonfuls of sugar in his. I barely put a half, some days having mine on,y with a splash of milk.

We were plunged into silence again, only hearing the chatter of the few people in the shop and the occasional clicking footsteps in or out the door.

"I'll be right back," Draco said after a few minutes, excusing himself, standing up and walking towards the bathroom. He wasn't gone long before someone was standing in front of me.

"Hey," Dylan said, nervously running a hand through his curls.

"Can I help you, McCain?" I would've laughed, honestly, if Draco were here. The irony of the situation was overwhelming. It was honestly almost funny.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said, wringing his hands together, side smiling as if we were the best of friends.

"Well, I really don't want to talk to you," I bit, standing up.

"Oh come on," He rolled his eyes. "Don't be so petty," He reached out a hand, as if to grab me by the waist. I took a quick step back, bumping into the table behind me, and suddenly the situation wasn't so funny anymore. 

"McCain, can you please just leave me alone?" I said firmly. He looked different than he had two years ago, but not what I would call attractive. I bit the inside of my cheek harshly, gripping the back of the table behind me.

"Equestria, I know I was such a stupid prat when we were younger, but please," He took another step towards me, and I couldn't move back any further. He extended his arm once more, like he was going to take my hand. I felt a hand grab my shoulder stiffly, making me flinch.

"Didn't you hear her McCain, piss off," Draco said in an eerily calm tone that I new would dissipate in an instant, taking his hand off my shoulder, running it down my back and placing it lower than usual on my tailbone.

McCain scoffed, rolling his eyes. "And what are you? An item?"

"Yes," I said quickly. "We are, and we're very happy together, so you should leave."

Draco smirked, tightening his hold on me slightly. Dylan slinked off, mumbling something under his breath. Draco took my hand in his, gripping it a little too hard and practically dragging me out of the parlor. 

"It's okay," I said, trying to wiggle my hand out of his. I knew how angry he could get. "Draco, try not to get so worked up, it's Dylan McCain, no threat to you at all, I promise."

He sighed, rubbing his jaw. 

"You're going to need to trust me more than that." I mumbled, picking up my pace to keep up with his long strides. We were walking out of the village, back towards the castle, so I guess he wasn't in the mood to hang about.

"It's alright."I reassured him, spending most of the walk not exchanging one word as we neared the castle. Eventually, though, he picked up my hand much more gently.

"I'm going down time the library to get started on my history of magic essay." Draco said, as we neared the top of the stairs to go down to the dorm

I nodded. "Okay. I'll see you later then, I think I'm going to go up to the owlery," I let his hand slip out of mine, him going left towards the library and me acending a few flights of stairs. I'd been checking every day for a week now to see if Remus or Sirius had wrote back, and I hadn't yet gotten a response from either of them. I trekked up the half dozen flights of stairs until I reached the owlery, stepping in, the scent of hay filled my nose. I scanned the room, looking for Remus's brown barn owl, but it wasn't anywhere to be seen. I had only been gone for ten minutes, I didn't feel like going back to the commonroom yet with nothing to do. I descended the stairs once again, wandering down the corridors with no real intention of going anywhere specific.

I walked somewhat aimlessly around the near empty castle, a vast majority of the students still in the village. I walked up and down stairs, popping in and out of classrooms old classrooms, skimming my fingers along frames of old, dusty paintings, the canvas rough.

That is, until something caught my eye.

All the way at the back of an unused classroom, was something tall with a sheet draped over it, just a peek of gold glimmering out from the corner where the sheet had slipped down. Something just about anyone would look right past. I walked into the room, and ran my fingertips over the dust sheet. I took a deep breath, pulling it off. I coughed as dust filled the air, squeezing my eyes shut. When I opened them, a mirror was in front of me.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw what was in the mirror. I saw a ginger woman, about as tall as I was, standing next to me on one side. And a man with scruffy brown hair on the other side, round glasses resting on his nose. My parents, whom I had only ever seen in old photographs tattered with age.

I whipped around, but nobody was behind me. I looked into the mirror again. I hadn't realized Sirius and Remus were standing there too. Once again, I turned my head but nobody was there. I looked up at the top of the mirror, trying to make out what the scrambled letters said, before it hit me like a ton of bricks.

The mirror of erised. It was rumored to be at hogwarts but I had never believed it, I remember reading about it in A History of Magic. I stared into the mirror longingly, my lips parting open. I truly saw what Remus meant now, I was the spitting image of my father, but had my mother's green eyes. I reached out, running the pads of my fingertips over the glass at the smiling people looking back at me. 

I forced myself to turn away from the mirror, ripping my eyes away from the image. I hadn't realized I'd been breathing shallowly, taking in a huge breath of air into my lungs. I shook my head, trying to clear it out, before walking out of the room in a rush, practically running to the library. I knew Draco needed a bit of time alone, but I desperately needed to show him this.

I entered the library, met with silence right away. I slinked to the back, where Draco was sitting hunched over a piece of half written on parchment.

"Hey," I said softly. "D'ya have a moment?"

"I really should get his finished first," Draco mumbled, tapping his quill dully.

"Come on, I promise it'll only take ten minutes," I said hopefully.

"Alright, alright," he said, dropping his quill and rolling up his essay.

"I have something to show you," I smiled, extending a hand to him. Draco took my hand, and I pulled him out of the room, to the empty classroom where I found the mirror, walking as fast as I could without running.

"So," I said, smiling as we walked into the room, anxiously pulling him over to the mirror, so he was standing right in front, me peeking over his shoulder. "What do you see?"

"What do you mean 'what do I see?' What am I supposed to see?" He asked skeptically, crossing his arms.

My face fell, and I took him by the shoulders so he was straight in front of the mirror, there was no way he wasn't looking now.

"What do you see?" I repeated, looking at him intently.

"Did you hit your head or something?" Draco joked, turning to face me,

"Just tell me," I said urgently, turning him back around to face the mirror.

"I don't know what you bloody mean, it's a mirror. I just see you and me."

//

A/N: from now on, this book will contain mature themes, such as self harm, smoking, drinking, abuse, and other topics that may be triggering, as well as some pretty heavy smut.


	16. ~fourteen~

"Now she's gonna play and sing and lock you in her heart...  
...I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops...  
...But in our darkest hours, I stumbled on a secret power  
I'll find a way to be without you, babe"  
-Lorde, Writer in the Dark

Draco

The room was plunged deeply into dead silence, you could hear a pin drop. She wouldn't look me in the eye, and wouldn't let me touch her either. Fifteen minutes had ticked past, and the only sounds in the room was her shaky breathing mixed with mine. 

It had been going beautifully for the past two weeks, her and I had been practically attached at the hip and things were good between us.

Apparently there were some things buried far, far beneath the surface. 

"Equestria," I tried, my voice weary and tired. "Please."

She didn't look up from the ground, but I could see her squeeze her eyes shut, keeping the tears from spilling over the edge. I reached out, trying to take her hand. I was clenching the cloth in my other hand in a death grip, silently begging her to comply, to just let me help her.

"I don't want to be fixed." She said firmly, her voice dry. 

"And I won't try to fix you." I said, no matter how much her words had an effect like a knife.

And she finally took a deep breath, letting me take her bloodied arm onto my lap, fresh scarlet scratches littering her skin, blood teeming out in beads. I took in a breath, and as gently as I could, took her hand in mine, pushing her sleeve back and I started to wipe away the blood, putting pressure on her forearm.

Another long, dense, silence graced the room. I stole a glance at her face, pale and almost emotionless. She wasn't crying, she just looked tired. A part of me just wanted to let her go to sleep. But the bigger part of me couldn't be away from her, not right now.

"Why?" I asked, before I could stop myself.

"What?" She asked feebly, looking defeated. This wasn't the most ideal time for a conversation like this, I knew it, but I couldn't help myself from asking. 

"Why do you do it?"

She sighed, dropping her gaze further. Her hand was limp in mine, cold and clammy as I continued to press with the cloth.

"I just want to understand, this isn't fixing." I murmured, feeling my own eyes get wet and glassy.

She was quiet, seemingly considering my words. The room went quiet once again. I tried to just focus on breathing. My breathing. Her breathing. The feeling of her fingers on mine. The familiar sinking of the couch when we both sat on it. 

"It hurts." She said plainly, after several minutes. "It hurts. And I like it. Feel like I deserve it, I guess."

My throat felt dry and I blinked a few times to stay collected. I grasped her hand harder, rubbing the back of it with my thumb.

" 'S hard to stop now." She said, even quieter.

I tried to think of the right thing to say, but I couldn't think of anything. She curled her fingers around mine, squeezing a tiny bit. I rolled her sleeve up past her elbow to keep it out of my way as I tended to the cuts on her skin.

It made my stomach churn to see the slits in her skin, some old and faded, blood on the cusp of the new ones, so I tried to keep the cloth over them. I felt her try to pull away, but I kept my hold on her arm firm but delicate. 

"Draco, stop." She said quickly. "They're so gross."

My heart fell further. "I hate when you talk about yourself like that."

"Just stop," Equestria pulled once more, and I let her arm fall out of my grip. "Draco, I hate them. You know that. 'S just a reminder of how much more of a fuck up I am, don't make me look at them more than I already have to."

"I'm sorry." I said, looking down, balling up the bloody washcloth in my hand. "Can I just clean them and I promise I'll leave you alone?"

She ran her hands over her face, looking like she hadn't slept in days, her undereyes dark and her face almost ghostly.

She put her hand into mine once again. She looked small and vulnerable, only illuminated in a stray strand of moonlight streaming through a space in the curtains. 

"Just let me do it myself."

I swallowed, nodding, though I wanted to protest and tell her she was being ridiculous. 

But she didn't move to get up. She kept her hand resting in mine, staring out in front of her at nothing in particular, maybe lost in thought, or maybe just annoyed.

"I'm scared." She mumbled.

"About what?"

"You know how this summer was, Draco. This is just the beginning. You and me are right in the line of fire. And more than anything else, us. I'm so scared for us. I care about you a million times more than I care about anybody else. It scares me to think..." She didn't finish her sentence, her voice fading out. "I can't lose you. I just can't."

I shook my head slightly. "There won't be."

"Won't be what?"

"Won't be that day. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." She said, shaking her head. "It's not in our control."

"One day at a time, Tria. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

She bit her cheek, but nodded. She moved closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder, our hands still tightly intertwined. I breathed in the sweet scent of her hair that was tied in a messy braid over her shoulder. 

Equestria was enigmatic, even for me, who I would dare say knew her best. Her mind worked in ways I wish I understood fully. She puzzled me. And that might be just why I liked her so much.

"C'mon," I said softly, noticing her eyes had feathered shut. "You need to get some rest."

"Don't leave," she said quickly, sitting up straight, her eyes opening all the way like a small child, afraid of the dark.

"No, no, I'm not," l said quickly. I stood up, my legs stiff from sitting so long. She followed me across the room and up to the boys dormitory, the stairs creaking but staying put, obviously understanding good intentions. I walked as inconspicuously as I could, not wanting to wake up the other sleeping boys. 

Equestria crawled into my bed after me, laying on top of my chest. I twirled my finger around the ends of her raven hair, rubbing her back with the other. She ran one of her fingers along my collarbone, tracing little patterns into my skin. 

"I could get used to this," she murmured, her voice muffled.

In a situation that was as tangled and impossible as this one, I supposed it was best to take comfort in the little things like this. 

I continued to rub her back, until her breathing slowed and her fingers stopped moving along my shoulder. I couldn't help but pull her a little tighter to me, furrowing my brow as I thought about what she had said, picking apart her words.

But for now, I tried to push those thoughts away and focus on her steady heartbeat against mine, and her soft breathing that tickled my face. I took my other hand off her back, and simply put it over her still hand, almost to remind myself of something I couldn't place.

"We'll be alright," I whispered, the night quickly swallowing up my words with nobody conscious to hear them. The words felt nice coming off my lips, secure, like somebody somewhere was giving us a one way ticket far away from here.

~~~~~~~~~ 

Light streamed through the curtains, making me open my eyes. Equestria was still sleeping, cuddled under the covers and pressed close to me, her head resting in the crook of my neck. She looked so serene, ethereal, as she layed peacefully. Every time I looked at her, she really took my breath away. She was the type of girl people write songs about.

As much as I didn't want to, I rubbed her cheek with my thumb, just enough to wake her up. Her eyes opened slowly, and she smiled a bit. The morning light made her pale skin glow, and I brushed a few stray hairs off her forehead. 

I leaned forward, kissing her forehead softly. 

"Mhm, I could definitely get used to this," she said slyly, before I pulled her back in.

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

"Did you hear?" Louise drawled. Most of us turned to look at him, stopping out side conversations. "Apparently Potter's started some sort of secret defense against the dark arts club." 

"Of course he did," Draco said smugly. "Leave it to Saint Potter to pull something like that." I rolled my eyes, and pulled my hand out of his. I hated when he acted like this, because that's all it is, an act.

"Umbridge doesn't teach us anything," I added.

"No shit Evans," Lucas laughed. "None of us like her, not much."

"My father says she's very powerful within the ministry," Draco said.

"My mother likes her too," Pansy said in a bored tone, picking at her nails. I bit my lip. It was no new news that I hated Umbridge, far more than most, though she was far from well liked. When I'd written to Remus, I'd mentioned she was teaching, and he'd told me she was the instigator of some legislations that made it near impossible for him or any other werewolves to get a job. I used to really like Defense Against the Dark Arts, but it's insufferable with her as a teacher.

"So what about Potter's club?" I asked, more directed at Louise. 

"Supposedly he hosts it once or twice a week in the room of requirement." She shrugged, like it was just another bit of throwaway gossip.

"What's the room of requirement?" Lucas asked. I noticed he and Louise were sitting closer together than usual.

" 'S a legend," Pansy said. "My mum told me about it."

"So is it real?" He asked.

"I guess so," Louise answered, matter-of-factly.

"How d'you know about it, Louise?" I asked. I could tell Draco was trying to catch my gaze, but I looked unwaveringly forward. I felt his cool fingertips on the back of my hand, but I just pulled my sleeves down to cover my hands entirely. It was actually his jumper that I was wearing, though.

"Heard Chang talking about it to her friend, apparently it's a whole secret."

"Unbelievable," Lucas said sarcastically. "If I, for one, was running a club contradicting one of the teachers and breaking probably a dozen school rules, I would want it to be public knowledge," 

"Sod off, douchebag," Louise rolled her eyes. "Think she said she was on her way to one of the meets."

I nodded, and the conversation continued to move in another direction, something about this years quidditch teams. I was trying to plan my exit so it looked casual and nobody, especially not Draco, would follow me.

I stood up, cracking my knuckles one by one, starting to walk towards the door. 

"Where are you going?" Draco asked, looking up at me with raised eyebrows. 

"I have to go send a letter, I just remembered." I said nonchalantly. "I'll catch up with you guys later." I walked out of the commonroom and up several staircases before I was in front of a charming and ornate wall, rumored to be the room of requirement. I had read about it, so I knew how you were supposed to get in.

I took a deep breath, and concentrated on my thoughts, trying to center them.

"I need to get into the secret meeting,"

I repeated the words in my head like a mantra, pacing in front of the wall thrice. Hesitantly, I opened my eyes and much to my appreciation, a door was in front of me. I stepped forward and gingerly put my hand on the doorknob, turning it and stepping into the room.

Heads turned, and I noticed most of the people in the room were Gryffindors, not one Slytherin in sight. The room dropped into dead silence.

"Um, hi," I said awkwardly, having no idea where to start. "I'm Equestria Evans."

Nobody said a word.

"I'm here for the Defense Against the Dark Arts meetings," I continued, nervously twisting my ring.

"Sorry, can you give us one moment?" A bushy haired girl with fair skin spoke up. Granger, whom I only knew from an incident where she smacked Draco in the face, one that had significantly bruised his ego. She turned and whispered something hurriedly to Harry, before I sighed with annoyance.

"I'm just here to learn defense, I'm not trying to cause a problem." I scanned the crowd, making eye contact with Harry.

"Aren't you Malfoy's girlfriend?" Asked a tall ginger boy, who I knew to be Ron Weasley.

I rolled my eyes. "I have a name." 

"Erm-alright then, come in. We're going over patronuses." Harry said, pulling his wand out. "Back to work, everyone." He called to the room at large before taking a few steps towards me. I gulped. I had forgotten that minor detail that in doing this, I would in fact be facing my brother.

"Do you know the spell?" He asked me, politely. I shook my head in response.

"That's alright." He raised his wand. "It's Expecto Patronum."

I pulled my cherry wood wand out of my pocket, pointing it up. "Expecto Patronum," I said weakly, but nothing happened.

"It's really advanced magic, for the spell to work properly you've got to focus on a really happy memory. Not just any happy memory, the happiest you've got. Patronuses repel dementors, so to get rid of one you've got to be consumed by your memory," he explained.

I took a deep breath in, trying to pick a memory that came to mind.

"Wait Draco-" but he kicked off the ground hard, sending us soaring into the air, sending the crisp wind through my hair. I screamed, clutching him tighter. We soared over the treetops, as the gold light sunk lower and lower in the sky. He flew lower and lower, barely skimming the water. Holding his waist for dear life, I reached out with my left hand and let my fingers run across the top of the water, creating ripples. I shouted as he made a sharp turn.

My fourth year. The very first time I'd ever flown.

Hesitantly, I reached out and took it. I realized it was an old photo, worn with age, two of the four corners bent. I studied the moving faces in the picture, my eyes picking up every detail. Three men stood in the picture, one with glasses holding hands with a ginger haired woman. The tallest of the men held a girl, a toddler with a little dark hair and a smile. The other man, with curly black hair held an infant child. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. My eyes widened with realization.

"No, this can't be..." my breath hitched, I didn't understand.

"Your parents." He pointed to the man with glasses and the red head woman. "And you," he touched the young girl in the photo. "Harry..." he said, moving his finger to the baby.

"I- I don't understand. How do you have this picture? You knew my parents?" I asked, shaking my head slightly. I stepped back, my mind swirling around in a tornado of confused thoughts.

I looked back up at Lupin, who was watching me. I handed the picture back to him, like holding it any longer would've burned me. He held it between us so I could still see the figures clearly.

He pursed his thin lips. I took in his face, and then looked back to the tall man in the photo. My mouth fell open.

"You-" I stuttered over my words. "That's you?" I breathed.

He nodded, the smallest of smiles forming on his face.

"Equestria," he put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm your godfather."

Finding out Remus was my godfather.

"I have no idea how to dance, Draco," I said, slight hint of anxiety in my voice.

"Don't worry about it, here, I'll show you." He said sweetly, walking over to me and taking my hand in his and taking my waist in the other. My hurt fluttered at his touch. "Put your hand on my shoulder. Now it's easy, take steps in threes,"

We both grinned as we danced sloppily around his bedroom, my footsteps quickly syncing with his.

That one precious night at the manor on Valentine's Day, before everything was so...complicated.

I nuzzled my face into the crook of Draco's neck, and I felt him hold me even tighter. His soft, steady, breathing on my face would've made me melt if I were more than half conscious. I snuggled into him more, inhaling his comforting scent.

The night of the Yule ball, falling asleep with him.

Ultimately, though, I knew which memory brought me the most solace. Which one just made me undoubtedly feel like things were okay, and maybe I had a bright future, hopefully one with him.

Our very first kiss.

I focused on it, letting myself fully remember the smell of the rail around us, the taste of Draco's lips, the feeling of his hands tangled in my hair. The way we kissed eachother with the familiarity of old lovers. I took a deep, slow, breath in.

"Expecto Patronum!" I said, waving my wand. Nothing happened. How anticlimactic.

"That's okay, it can take a lot of practice," Harry said kindly, walking over to a pudgy boy with brown hair.

I tried to concentrate even harder, forging every detail I could from that night. I smiled slightly just at the memory of that night, that was only really a few weeks or so ago. 

"Expecto Patronum!" I said again, trying to keep my concentration. Nothing again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Excellent job everyone! We'll meet again next Wednesday," Harry announced, after thirty minutes of me futilely trying to produce a patronus. Everyone filed out of the room, and I was receiving some nasty glares from some of the Gryffindors. I slipped my wand into my pocket, but someone called my name.

"Equestria," Hermione said rather curtly. She stuck out her hand. "This is a magic coin, it'll tell you the date and time of our next meeting."

"That's brilliant- who came up with that?" I asked, turning it over in my hand.

Her face glowed. "I did, actually."

I nodded. "That's impressive." I turned to leave, but she stopped me once more.

"You need to sign this," She held out a piece of parchment with maybe two dozen signatures on it. I took a quill from her and swiftly signed my name. "You do know this is all a secret, right?" She said.

"Yes, yes, I know. I'm not going to bloody tell anyone, I hate Umbridge as much as anyone else here," I said pointedly. "Goodnight."

I turned and left the room, on my path back to the dungeons.

"Sending a letter, were you?" A voice behind me rung out.

I turned around to see Draco, hands in his pockets, his expression unreadable.

"I- sorry. I got caught up," I replied lamely. He was walking towards me now, his face neutral but his hands were buried in his pockets.

"Where were you?" He asked protectively. He was so close to me I had to take a step back, now between him and the hard stone wall.

"Got held up," I whispered, his face only a few inches from mine, my heart rate escalating.

"Mhm," his voice was husky and his eyes kept flicking between mine and my lips. I felt his finger trace down my forearm, and I expected him to grab my hand, but he instead pinned my wrist firmly to the wall. "Why don't you tell me where you really were?"

My breath was catching in my throat, and I could feel it every time he exhaled on my skin. I tilted my head forward just an inch or so and our foreheads were pressed together. "Make me," I whispered.

The second the words left my mouth, his lips were on mine, unmoving at first, waiting for me to kiss back, which I did almost immediately. He kept my hands firmly pressed against the wall, even though I was begging to touch his hair or face. He'd taken me completely by surprise, I thought he would be mad, and maybe he was, but in that moment I didn't care.

He kissed me with lust, passion, something I hadn't seen of him before. Controlling.

And I didn't mind one bit.

//

A/N: I'm very sorry for the short update, I absolutely hate this chapter but the first as chapters are going to be long wand they're some of my absolute favorites! One more warning, that the rest of this book is going to be extremely explicit in many ways, so if you're uncomfortable with that, please don't go any further :) message me if you've got any questions <3


	17. ~fifteen~

'And there was one prize I'd cheat to win  
The more that you say, the less I know  
Wherever you stray, I follow'   
-Taylor Swift, Willow

Draco

The commonroom was so silent between the five of us, you could hear a pin drop. I exchanged a questioning look with Equestria who looked just as curious as I was. Louise's neck was completely covered in love bites, despite her keeping her hair down, like she was doing her best to cover them on shirt notice. Normally, we wouldn't have given it a second thought. But the kicker was, so was Lucas's. All the way down to his collarbone, hickeys littered his skin.

"So," Equestria said hesitantly. "Can I ask?"

"No," Louise snapped, shooting a glare between her an Lucas. "Don't even."

"Ooookay," Equestria sighed, drumming her fingers against my knee. She was leaning close to me, my arm around her. We'd stopped trying to hide the fact that we were together from our house, because for one it was painfully obvious, and two it was horribly inconvenient for us. 

"Can I ask?" I directed the question more at Lucas. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it again with a stolen side glance at Louise.

"Fine!" Louise said, a bit angrily, like she was fed up with all of us. "We had sex."

"Duh," Equestria said, rolling her eyes.

"We know." Pansy said pointedly, looking between both of them.

"Well I guess if you want to put it plainly," Lucas muttered, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down.

"We had sex, it happened once, and it won't happen again. There, now you know! Happy?"

"Calm down Lou," Equestria coaxed. "It's not a big deal."

"It was a mistake," Louise said quietly, shaking her head, picking up her book and leaving. My eyes immediately flicked over to Lucas, whose face dropped. Anyone could see that he didn't just have a crush on her, he was in love with her, more than I'd ever seen someone in love.

Equestria waited to speak until Louise was out of the room. "Lucas, she probably just wants to-"

"I just need a minute," he muttered, cutting her off, standing up and walking out, leaving just Equestria, Pansy, and I. 

"What just happened?" Pansy sighed, after a moment.

"They're denying their obvious feelings for eachother," I said.

"You would know something about that," Pansy remarked cooly, looking between Equestria and I.

"I should go talk to him," She said, pulling her hand out of mine and standing up, stretching so her shirt rose up a few inches. 

"Don't go," I complained, the chilly air hitting me without her warm body close to mine. 

"I'll be back in a minute," she rolled her eyes, kissing me on the cheek gingerly before straightening up. She swished her hair behind her shoulders, and pulled on a sweater. The late October air was chilly and we all new Lucas was probably out by the lake. I stared after her absentmindedly, missing her smooth skin on mine and her sweet smell.

"Draco," Pansy shook her head. "You are so whipped,"

"Sod off," I muttered half heartedly. "I should go find Louise," 

"You should," Pansy said. "Be gentle with her, Draco. She's obviously hurting one way or the next."

I, now the fourth to leave, exited the room, putting my hands in my pockets. Knowing Louise, she was either doing her rounds as Head Girl or on the astronomy tower. I decided to go with the latter, ascending many flights of stairs to the tallest tower. I didn't have much of a plan what to say, but I'd figure it out.

Sure enough, when I pushed open the door, Louise was there, her feet dangling off the edge. She turned when she heard the door shut behind me, her eyes glassy, but not crying. I'd never seen Louise cry, or even anywhere close to it, so it was almost unnerving to see her this upset. She let out a breath, and turned back around.

"Scared me," she practically whispered, her voice weak. I sat down next to her, allowing my legs to swing over the edge of the tower, looking out over the great expanse of the grounds, the moonlight glistening off the dark lake and glowing on the grass.

"Louise..." I started slowly, trying to place what words to say.

"I don't want to talk about this, at least not right now." She mumbled, putting her fingers to her temples like she had a headache.

"Then don't talk. Just listen for a second," I sighed, trying to find the right words. "Louise, anyone can see you feel something for him one way or the next. It's obvious. And I understand what it's like, obviously, to be friends with someone and feel like-.

"Don't you get it Draco?" She sighed frustratedly, cutting me off and shaking her head. "I love him."

"I know."

"But I can't be with him, and he just can't fucking know I love him. It's not fair to him. Draco, you know who my father is and how...how involved...he is. Not to mention he sold information to the ministry after the first war. I'll be dead if he ever comes back, we both know it. He can't know Draco." She wiped a few stray tears off her face. "I can't break his heart more. It's not fair."

"Louise you can't really think-"

"Draco it's true, you know it. You know how this summer was, because I've got news, you and Equestria aren't the only ones that lived in hell, it's only going to get worse from here. I'm glad you and her can have your little blissful ignorance, but I can't." Her voice broke, and she sniffled. "Of all people, why did he have to fall for me?"

"Tell him," I said plainly, looking over at her. "It's the only way either of you are ever going to get any closure.

"I can't," she mumbled. "He can't know."

We fell into silence, only the wind howling in the distance.

"Do you mind telling me what happened last night?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

Louise looked at her lap. "It was....I don't even really know what happened. I was doing rounds and he came by to say hello and we talked for a while and one thing led to the next," she trailed off, seemingly lost in thought.

" 'S okay, I'm sure he understands." I tried to reason. It was obvious she was very hung up on this, and Louise had never been the most compassionate person ever.

"How could he? I feel fucking awful about what I'm doing. One minute we're friends, the next I'm completely ignoring him, then we're shagging in an empty classroom, then I'm avoiding him. There's no way he gets that! He probably thinks I'm playing around with him, and that's the last thing I want! Lucas is so loyal, he'd let me do anything to him, even whatever you want to call what we have now..." She bit her lip, looking away from me, her voice wavering.

" 'S okay," I tried to comfort her.

"It's not okay," she cried.

"You'll figure it out, you always do, alright?"

"How am I supposed to do that? Honestly, Draco, not everything's black and white like it is in whatever world you're living in."

"I'm only trying to help, Louise." I said, folding my arms.

She looked out over the lake, shaking her head, chewing her bottom lip, her face pensive.

"There's going to be another war."

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

I walked outside, the air crisp and cold, nipping my exposed skin. I shivered as I crossed the grounds to where I knew Lucas would be, and sure enough he was standing, leaning against a tree, throwing rocks into the water.

"Hey," I said softly, approaching the lake. He turned around, wiping at his eyes, which looked glassy. 

"Hey," he muttered, shifting the handful of pebbles he was holding.

"Need to talk about this?" I sat down, and he did the same, despite the chilly ground. He threw another rock into the water, making ripples cascade across the surface evenly.

"I just don't get it," he said, leaning his head back. "I don't get her. She doesn't say a word to me for days, but the next she and I are screwing in a classroom after I just came to keep her company? Some days she acts like she likes me, some days I might as well be invisible." Another rock in the lake, splashing. "I feel like nothings' ever going to be enough for her."

"You know Louise. There's a lot more to her than on the surface. She's...she's cryptic. I love her, but she's not the best at communicating. But I know she really cares about you Lucas, and I hope she'll let you in enough for you to see that too." 

Another splash as a stone sank to the bottom.

"But," I said, trying to lighten the mood. Lucas didn't like to be all sad and talk about how he felt, I knew that about him. "Your first time, huh?"

A tiny smile broke out on his mouth. "Yeah, don't reckon it was hers though."

I shook my head. "Wasn't, Adrian Pucey, her sixth year." I paused. "Don't tell her I told you that."

Another pebble in the lake.

"Was it good?" I asked, elbowing him and taking some stones from his hand, turning over the smooth rocks in my hand, rubbing my fingertips over the cool surface delicately.

He nodded. "With her I mean...you know. It's Louise, for gods sake, I can't really complain." 

Another stone with a dull splash.

"Equestria," he asked hesitantly.

"Mhm?"

"Have you and Draco said...said that you love eachother?"

A twinge struck me at the heart. "No."

"Well I mean...do you? Really?"

I took a deep breath in, focusing on the air coming into my lungs and then back out again. Love. Such a fickle thing. I'd never loved anyone before. Never had parents to love. I suppose you could count Remus, but even that wasn't a love relationship. That's paternal love anyways. But Draco and I had something special, I'd known that. He brought out the best in me. 

I couldn't say I indefinitely knew what love was, but does anyone really? I didn't grow up with love, how was I supposed to know when I was in love with someone? But I guess love is an unexpected thing. Hits hard, hits fast, with no warning.

"Yeah, I do. I mean I think. I guess." I sighed.

"I love her, too," Lucas said softly. "Think I have for a while."

This time I picked up a smooth rock, turning it around in my fingertips. I threw it into the lake and watched as tiny waves spread from around the point of impact.

"Tell her that." I looked over at him.

"I can't, I don't want to force her into anything. I want her to be happy even if it isn't with me. And if that means forgetting my feelings then so be it." Splash, another rock sinking. "Maybe her and I weren't meant to be."

"Maybe. But you'll never know until you try. Louise puts up walls, she hasn't had it easy. She's just...she's difficult. But if you love her, really love her, you two will figure something out. Just...don't waste time. Tell her, Lucas." I pushed myself up off the ground to my feet. "I'll see you later,"

He nodded slightly, leaning back against the tree. I began the trek up to the castle, practically frozen. I pushed thoughts of Louise and Lucas far out of my head, the most appealing thought being curling up with Draco by the fire with some tea and a blanket. When I got into the commonroom, Draco was already there, a spare jumper in hand.

I smiled as he handed it to me. It smelled just like him as I pulled it over my head, smiling stupidly. We shared a look of understanding, nonverbally. Draco bent down slightly, kissing me softly on the lips, a slight taste of something like peppermint on his lips. 

"Get a room," Pansy groaned, throwing a pillow at us. "Go somewhere else if you're going to suck each other's faces off."

"Shove off," I complained, but all the same led the way into the boys dorm, which was quickly becoming Draco and I's place of exile. 

Shutting the door behind us, Draco took my hand, spinning me slowly like we would've done at the Yule ball. He pulled me in, one hand at my waist. I kissed him quickly, just a peck.

"You're ridiculous," I rolled my eyes.

"I know," he said. I rested my head on his chest, still silently dancing around the room in a broken waltz.

"Deja vu," I mumbled, after a second. "Valentine's gala,"

"Coming full circle," he murmured, his voice muffled. I smiled, lifting my head up to kiss him yet again, but this time slower, sweeter, and longer. 

"You still give me the same butterflies as the day we first kissed," I said offhandedly, looking at him with pure adoration, feeling my heart swell.

"You never stopped giving me butterflies since the day we met," He said.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you going home for the holidays?"I asked softly, nudging Draco.

"I was meaning to talk to you about that, actually," he said, retracting his arm from around me so he could look at me properly. "My family's got a little vacation house a few hours out. My mother was going to stay there for the holidays, she invited both of us to come stay. 

"That could be nice," I said. "Remus invited me to stay and I'd like to go, haven't seen him in ages, but only for the first half of holiday, afterwards that sounds lovely."

"I'll write to my mother, she'll be glad we're coming. 'S obviously quite some time away, but she doesn't want anybody to know we've left school, she said she needs to make some arrangements to get around my father." Draco said. 

I put my head on his shoulder, moving closer to him under the blankets, cozy under the commonroom couch. "It's not too much trouble for her, right?"

"No, no, she'll be glad for the company, I can't imagine it's easy for her to be all alone all year."

"I can't stand you two making heart eyes any longer," Lucas complained, interrupting us and getting up off the armchair. "Goodnight."

"Night," I mumbled, shutting my eyes, feeling like we couldn't ever get two seconds of a nice moment together. I loved our friends, of course I did, but they weren't exactly what you'd call the type for sentiment.

"G'night," Pansy said, not looking up from her book. Not a word from Louise. He turned and walked up the stairs. I felt Draco unhook his arm from around me, laying his head in my lap. I ran my first few fingers through his hair, playing with it and twirling it around my fingers. He let his eyes flutter shut, letting out a sigh and I could see him visibly lose tension in his body. 

I smiled. I appreciated how vulnerable he could be at times, especially when he felt the need to put on a mask around everybody, hiding behind a huge egotistical persona. I ran my hands through his hair soothingly, letting him relax.

After some time, I tapped his shoulder gingerly. He opened his eyes and tipped his head back, so albeit upside down, I was looking into his eyes. Brilliant blue as always. I leaned down and kissed his forehead, both of us smiling. 

"I'm going to bed," I sighed. He sat up grudgingly, rubbing his eyes. I stood up, running a hand through my hair. 

Before I could even make it two steps towards my dorm, though, Draco reached forward, grabbing me by the waist and digging his fingers in, where he knew I was ticklish. I laughed uncontrollably, swatting his hands away until he let go.

"I hate you," I muttered, shaking my head, recovering from my fit of giggles. "Come up with me?"

He nodded, taking my hand as we bid our goodnights to Pansy and Louise, walking upstairs to the girls' dorms. I took my sweater off over my head, replacing it with a thick sweatshirt as Draco sat down on my bed. 

I sat down next to him, running one hand through his hair as we just looked at eachother silently for a few seconds. I leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, my hand falling down to his shoulder.

But, what was meant to be a little innocent kiss turned into a longer one almost straight away. Draco tentatively ran his tongue over my bottom lip, and I parted them for him so he could kiss me deeper, one of his hands making it's way up to hold a handful of my hair, keeping our lips together. 

His taste filled my mouth, and I kissed back with just as much eagerness, tilting my head. 

"We have class early tomorrow," he mumbled into my lips, neither of us obviously having no intention of breaking apart anytime soon.

"I don't care, a few minutes won't hurt," I said back quickly, going back in to kiss him. His other hand slowly traced down my body, down to my waist, pulling me in even further.

I reached over to my nightstand, fumbling for the switch of the lamp, which I eventually found, plunging us into darkness, never breaking us apart.

Draco hummed into my lips, squeezing my hip and pulling me onto his lap, leaning back onto my headboard so I had to lean down to reach him. 

I ran my hands up his chest, eventually bringing one up his jaw and to his cheek, cupping his face in my hand. Draco started to slowly kiss my jawline, down to my neck, slowly sucking on my skin, grazing his teeth teasingly over the fresh marks.

I let him work his lips against my skin, probably leaving marks. I sighed breathlessly, literally feeling like I was on cloud nine. I pressed our foreheads together after a few moments, allowing both of us to catch our breath. 

We stayed there for a few seconds, just with our eyes shut, enjoying the closeness before I moved off of his lap to lay down, and when he did the same, I climbed on top of him, resting my head on his chest. I closed my eyes, listening to his heart beat steadily, like the soothing music of a bass. I felt him wrap his arms around me, letting me stay like that, which was a rare opportunity, he didn't like to cuddle like this. 

He kissed the top of my head, the small gesture making my heart flutter. I let out a deep breath, relaxing into his body, heat radiating off of him, keeping me warm. 

I slowly drifted to sleep, the sound of his soft breathing soothing me to sleep like the quiet tune of a soft lullaby.

~~~~~~~~~~

I never would have guessed that I would've been in this position.

Both figuratively and literally.

For one, figuratively, I never guessed I would be the happiest I'd ever been, being with the one and only Draco Malfoy.

But literally, I never guessed I would be between him and the wall, in the middle of a heated makeout maybe three minutes before class started, in some random broom closet on a Thursday afternoon.

I wasn't sure which was more compromising in one way or the next.

His lips trailed down my neck, sucking harshly on the skin, leaving hasty kisses and love bites all over like my skin was a blank canvas just for him. 

"We've got class in a few minutes," I whimpered, even though I didn't want him to stop, I would've gladly done this all day.

"I don't care," he said, finding the spot just below my ear that drove me absolutely mad. He sucked on it, running his teeth over the hickey he was making. I whined softly, tipping my head back against the wall I was pinned to. His warm tongue flicked over my skin before he peppered a few kisses along my jaw, finally connecting our mouths once again. He sucked on my bottom lip slowly, sliding his tongue inside my mouth slowly.

I kissed him back eagerly, one of my hands running along his shoulders and letting him graze his teeth over my lips. I let out a little breath as Draco's hands creeped up my shirt, going over my skin and cupping my breasts. My mouth fell open, and I stopped moving for a moment. He kissed me, hard, massaging my breasts in his hands, over the fabric of my bra. 

Draco and I had only been dating for just over a month, this was easily as heated as things had gotten between us. We'd never done more than a little bit of making out here and there, it had taken some time to get comfortable with eachother. 

He continued to move his hands, and I started getting used to the idea of his touching me like that. He continued to kiss me, sliding his tongue over mine so his taste filled my mouth. Draco's perfect taste was intoxicating, minty and fresh in my mouth, kissing me like he hadn't a single care about anyone else in the world. 

Draco pushed his hips up against mine, keeping me pinned straight against the wall. My lips faltered as I felt him hard up against my thigh, catching me off guard. 

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't had sexual thoughts about him, but all they really were were fantasies, after all. He took one of his hands out from under my shirt, snaking it down to the small of my back, pushing my body even tighter to his.

I pulled away, disconnecting our mouths. Draco took his hand out from under my shirt, his breathing heavy.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, slowly retracting the arm that was around me and taking a step back so I could have a little more room, sliding his hands into his pockets.

I desperately tried not to look down. "It's- it's nothing you did, I swear- I just- I don't think now's the time." I said rushedly. "We really shouldn't be late again."

He nodded. "R-Right."

"Come on, we've got to get to class," 

"Uh- I'll be there in a few minutes." Draco said, not meeting my eyes.

"Right, I'll see you later." I said quickly, slipping out of the bathroom and tucking my shirt back into my skirt and putting my hair over my shoulders to hide the love bites Draco had left on my neck.

Like I had said, compromising.

But interesting.

A lot more interesting.


	18. ~sixteen~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: smut

I never needed anything more  
Whispers of "Are you sure?"  
"Never have I ever before"  
-Taylor Swift, August

Equestria

Once again, I was in a place that I wouldn't have guessed.

Probably a place two dozen other girls would slit my throat to be in.

In Draco's bedroom, far past the hour that we should've stopped making important decisions.

Draco pulled on my hair, exposing my neck to him, where he wasted no time letting his lips travel down, sucking and biting my skin. I let out a little whimper, moving onto his lap and letting my arms fall over his shoulders as he left love marks over my skin.

I felt Draco's hands go down my back to my ass, and hummed into his lips to let him know it was more than okay. I felt him pull at my shirt, and I lifted my hands so he could take it off over my head, and I returned the favor, hastily undoing the buttons of his shirt and pulling it off. I ran my hands up his chest, our lips together once more, his tongue exploring my mouth. 

I let my mouth fall down to Draco's jaw, sucking on his skin to leave a hickey, overwhelmed with need for him. I shifted my hips a bit, and I felt Draco tense and squeeze his hands. I slowly started to circle my hips subtly, enough so his lips parted and I could feel his pulse quicken with my lips on his neck.

This was a big step for us. And I was ready for it, and I think he was too.

"Let me get you off," I mumbled, pressing our foreheads together, both of us struggling to catch our breath. "Is that okay?"

"Really? Are you sure?" Draco asked quickly, pulling back to look me in the eye.

"I want this, do you?" 

"Yes," he said quickly. "Absolutely."

I smiled, kissing him again, firmly. I hesitantly let my fingers fall down to his waistband, where I could feel him hard against the fabric of his grey pants. I was nervous, and entirely excited as I slowly started to palm him through his pants, making him pull on my hair more, and I could feel him biting his lip.

I took a deep breath, dipping my hand below his waistband, my fingertips meeting his skin. I ran my fingertips along his length, nerves filling me again, but in the best way, an ecstatic excitement.

He was hardly moving, anticipation thick in the air between us. He continued to kiss me though, his lips never faltering.

I tentatively wrapped my fingers around him, slowly starting to spread his precum. I felt his breathing hitch, and I was trying not to show just how nervous I was, as I slowly started to move my hand up and down him. Draco pushed his hips farther into my hand seemingly involuntarily, still kissing me fiercely.

He let out a little groan, muffled into my lips as I slowly jerked him off, starting to move my hand just a little quicker. Draco bit down on his lip, bringing one hand to the back of my neck and pushing out foreheads together, giving both of us a chance to breathe.

"This good?" I mumbled.

"Y-you can go faster," Draco said, his voice shaking. 

I obeyed, moving my hand at a faster pace around him, making him stifle a small moan, tangling his fingers in my hair, pressing our mouths together.

I felt him push his hips into my hand once more, tugging on my hair just slightly. I moved my hand faster up and down him, the ache between my own legs intensifying as I saw him clench his jaw, obviously getting close to release. 

"Equestria- fuck- I'm going to cum-" he stuttered, squeezing his eyes tight shut. I forced myself to lean back so I could get a full view of his face, a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead.

"Mhm..." I hummed, moving my hand faster, making his lips part, letting out a low, quiet groan. I felt his dick twitch in my hand and looked up at his face once more, staring at his perfect features as he came, biting his lip hard to keep quiet. 

I kept pumping him up and down so he could ride out his orgasm, forcing himself up into my hand once more. 

I chewed my cheek, watching his face intently as he finally relaxed after a few seconds. I pulled my hand away, slowly reaching over to the nightstand and wiping my hand off with a towel. Draco's eyed fluttered open, and immediately pulled me in again, running his tongue over my lips and kissing me again. 

I felt his hands on my inner thighs, pulling me up onto his lap again, my hands immediately going to the sides of his face, kissing him hard. I felt his fingers skim the waistband of my small shorts, toying with them slightly. He moved back, leaving little kisses over my jaw and neck, moving his lips to my ear.

"Let me take care of you, okay?" he whispered to me, starting to slide his fingers down my shorts. 

I nodded right away, I was sure I was absolutely soaking. Draco pulled at my waistband, starting to slide it down off my hips and I lifted myself up on my knees to let him take them off. He did hastily, tossing them to the side and I felt his eyes on me. He ran one finger over the huge wet spot on my panties, making me long for his touch even more. 

I connected our lips again, letting him slowly slide his tongue in my mouth, his taste filling me up. The pads of his fingers grazed my upper thighs, starting to spread my legs open so he could take my panties off. His lips parted as he looked at me, completely exposed for the first time. He took his forefingers, running them up me, looking down as he did so. Draco slowly slid two fingers into me.

"Yeah, that's good," I encouraged. He kept going, sliding his fingers all the way into me. I let out a small sigh into his lips as he did so. He started to pump them in and out of me, going slowly at first, eventually quickening his pace just a little. I moaned softly, starting to slowly roll my hips, his fingers going at a steady pace. 

"Does that feel good?" Draco asked genuinely.

"Like this," I mumbled, guiding his thumb up to my clit.

He took my hint, starting to rub circles on my clit, adding just the right amount of pressure. I let out a whimper, starting to move up and down on his fingers. Draco started kissing my neck, leaving love marks and grazing his tongue over them, sucking on my sweet spot, making me moan, letting my head fall back.

"Do you maybe want to...?" I whimpered, giving into the question I'd been dying to ask for some time now. 

"Yes," he said quickly, taking his lips away and looking me straight in the eyes, slowly pulling his fingers out of me. "You're sure?"

I nodded right away, grinding my hips on his fingers, the ache in my core getting worse and worse. His hands wandered up my stow chin and to my bra, undoing it from behind me and pulling it away. His hands went up to my chest, cupping my breasts.

"Have- have you got a condom?" I asked, almost shyly. 

He nodded, shifting me off his lap, reaching over to his nightstand and coming back with a thin foil wrapper in his hand. I watched him with heavy anticipation as he unwrapped it.

I layed down, taking a deep breath, my heart fluttering as I fully realized we were about to go all the way. I was exhilarated, excited to be as close to him as possible. 

Draco leaned over me, kissing my neck a few times before leaning his forehead to mine, our heavy breathing mixed.

"You're sure?" I breathed. 

"Completely," He mumbled, kissing my lips quickly. "You are?"

"Yes," I said quickly, bringing my hand up to hold his. I know it can hurt in the beginning, I took a deep breath as Draco leaned down, positioning himself so he was lined up with me. "Please just go slow."

"'Course," He said, peppering a few quick kisses down my neck, squeezing my hand.

Draco's tip slowly pushed into me, making me bite my cheek. He went in slowly, keeping his eyes open and watching me, only pushing in a few inches.

I squeezed his hand, shutting my eyes as I felt myself have to stretch out, stinging just slightly. 

"Are you okay?" Draco asked quickly.

"Fine," I mumbled, straining to keep my voice even. "Keep going."

Draco pushed into me further, not all the way yet, his eyes feathering shut. "Equestria, fuck, you feel so good," He mumbled.

I let out a little wimper, not hurting, just uncomfortable, but I wanted him to feel good, I wanted to have our first time together be perfect for him. "Y-you can keep going."

"Let me know if it hurts too bad, okay?" He said, nearly all in now.

I nodded, shutting my eyes. Draco started slowly going in and out of me, squeezing my hand as he did so. My lips parted, involuntarily letting out a little whine as he rocked in and out of me steadily. 

"Oh fuck-" I moaned, pain fading away into enjoyment. 

"You're so tight, oh god," Draco moaned, setting a pace that wasn't too fast or too slow. 

I whimpered, starting to roll my hips up with every thrust, feeling like he and I were the only people on the planet right now, all I could feel was his breathing against my cheek, his hand in mine, and him all the way inside me.

Draco let out a low groan, bottoming out and starting to make us both feel beyond good, sending us into ecstasy. I moaned, arching my back as he hit my g spot.

"Yes- oh yes-" I barely managed, digging my nails into his hand. "Right there!"

Draco started to kiss my neck, leaving another hickey on my skin, running his tongue over the mark. He let out a groan into my skin, going faster now.

I reached down, slowly starting to rub my clit between my fingers, moaning softly. I felt his fingers around my wrist, moving it away and replacing my fingers with his, doing slow circled on my clit. I let my head lull back, completely overwhelmed with nothing but pleasure. 

"Oh- shit, Equestria, I'm going to cum, oh you feel perfect-" he moaned, dropping his head to my shoulder, his pace getting sloppier and less even.

"Me- ah- me too-" I stuttered. Draco worked his fingers even faster, making me whimper a string of curses. My legs started to shake just slightly as both of us got closer and closer to release. 

"Fuck-" Draco moaned, his hips jerking up and he finished, hitting his orgasm. His voice pushed me over the edge, making me cum with his dick inside me, biting my cheek to stifle a moan as I felt every muscle in my body seemingly tense and relax at the same time. 

Draco snaked his arm around my back, lifting me a few inches so our chests were pressed together, though I was completely limp, like a rag doll. He went in and out of me a few more times as both of us came down from our highs, our heavy breathing the only sound in the room. 

He eased me back down, pulling out of me and moving so he could lay down next to me. 

I looked over at him, desperately trying to slow my erratic heartrate and catch my breath. He layed on his back, running a hand over his face and through his hair, something like a wonderstruck expression on his face. I closed my parted lips, pure ecstasy thick in the air around us, a disbeleiving, comfortable silence.

I sat up, reaching for Draco's shirt and shrugging it over my head to cover up just a bit. I crawled out of bed, digging in my nightstand for a package of cigarettes and my pink lighter, then stepping into little shorts. Draco looked at me with his eyebrows raised. 

"Need a smoke," I mumbled, quickly tying my hair into a ponytail at the top of my head. "Want to come?" 

Draco got out of bed, re-dressing and putting on another shirt and shoes and sliding back into his sweatpants, walking along side me as I made my way up many flights of stairs and up to the courtyard. The wind blew softly, swishing my ponytail and making chills go over my exposed arms and legs. I probably shouldve at least but on a sweater, seeing as it's December.

I flicked my lighter, bringing it to the end of my cigarette and letting it catch before sliding it back into my pocket. I brought it to my lips, inhaling the ashy taste and letting it swirl around before blowing it back out again. Draco leaned against the wall, watching me absentmindedly. I stepped over to him, leaning onto him with my back to his chest. He put an arm around me, and I felt just a bit warmer. 

I inhaled again, smoke filling my lungs, the buzz keeping me from overthinking what had just happened. I half wondered what he was thinking in this moment, but the other half of me didnt want to know, because I'd probably overanalyze every detail. I leaned away from him as I exhaled, twiddling it between my fingers absentmindedly.

I was about to draw the cigarette to my mouth again, but I felt Draco's fingers on mine, taking it from me. I watched as he drew it up to his lips, slowly inhaling. He coughed, which made me press my mouth into a close-lipped smile. He'd never smoked before, at least not with me, and I couldn't imagine he did it anywhere else. He blew the smoke out, a bit of a sour expression on his face as he handed it back to me.

"Don't like it?" I asked playfully, taking another drag.

"Not used to it," He said. "Not bad, though."

"Helps with stress," I mumbled.

"You're stressed?" He asked, pulling my body closer to him.

"No." I lied. I was, in fact, very preoccupied. Draco and I had just taken a huge step in our relationship, and things were getting serious. I was nervous, seeing just how attached we were to each other. If anything happened, especially to me...I didn't want to think about it. I was committed to him, of course I was, but I was having trouble, thinking of just what might happen if our relationship didn't work out. If we broke up, ever, I didn't know what either of us would do. I needed him. It was a scary thing to think about, to always have hanging over my head. But I didn't want to talk about it with him. I didn't want him to think I was having doubts about the two of us, or that I wasn't happy. I was the happiest I'd ever been, being with him in a romantic way, finally, and I didnt want him to doubt that. 

He stayed quiet for a moment, but didnt look convinced. "Okay." 

I appreciated that Draco took the hint and didn't press. I inhaled another lungfull of smoke, blowing it out, deliberately turning away from him as I did so.

With one more deep drag, I put my cigarette out on the bricks, starting to walk back against the unfriendly wind to the dormitories. I took his hand in my own, lacing our fingers together. We walked in content silence, my mind still wide awake, thinking of the earlier events. I stopped him just before we got to the commonroom, looking straight up into his eyes.

"Thank you," I said earnestly, squeezing his hand.

"For what?" He asked, a slight smile on his face.

"Tonight. It was...exhilarating and fantastic and perfect. Thank you, you made me feel so good." I said softly.

Draco's face flushed red, smiling and he squeezed my hands back. "It was the best I could ask for. Thank you more." 

I got up on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his. He kissed me back, opening his mouth and allowing me to slide my tongue in. He still tasted just slightly of cigarette smoke, running his hand up my back to the nape of my neck. 

We swayed slightly, never breaking apart, until he pushed me up against the wall, my back meeting the cool, hard stone. I felt him smile up against my mouth, making me smile back, and before I knew it, our foreheads were pressed together and we were laughing, his arms around my waist and mine around his shoulders, we laughed like the most carefree people in the world.

I opened my eyes, looking right into his. He stooped down to press a quick kiss to my lips. He squeezed my hand once more, and we walked into the deserted commonroom. We tiptoed up the stairs before sitting back down on his bed, drawing the curtains around us, the silencing spell still in place. 

Draco leaned in, kissing me for real now, pulling me onto his lap, his hands going straight to the hem of the shirt I had on, pulling it up over my head.

"Mmm...can't get enough?" I teased, to which he rolled his eyes.

"I hate you."

"I know."


	19. ~seventeen~

"If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
I don't quite know how to say how I feel  
Those three words are said too much"  
-Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

Equestria

The sun was falling over the sky slowly, painting a beautiful purple and pink sunset as stars slowly started to poke out. I sighed, feeling nothing but the soft wind gracing my face, and his hand in mine, the weight familiar and comfortable. 

Both of our legs dangled dangerously over the edge, swinging as we watched the sun sink lower and lower in the sky. 

I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling like nothing I had ever before. A kind of slow, sweet bliss that filled me up entirely, covering every inch of me like a warm blanket, or the feeling of lying down in bed when a ray of sun had been heating your pillow all day.

Though it wasn't very warm, in fact, the mid-december winds were chilly and brisk, both of us bundled up in thick pajama pants and layered sweatshirts. His body heat radiated onto me, keeping me warm despite it.

"Equestria?" Draco said softly, turning towards me a bit. I straightened up so I could look him in the eye. He slid his hands into mine, looking back at me. 

"Mhm?" I asked, cocking my head and staring back at him, my eyes scanning over his sharp, defined features.

"There's just something I've been meaning to tell you," He said, looking down at our intertwined hands, running his thumbs across mine.

"Okay, you seem nervous, is everything okay?" I said, squeezing his hands back as the final shreds of light dissipated and the sky started to turn a deep shade of blue, swallowing the sun up with it. 

"Everythings' good," He said, turning his head away to look out upon the sky. "Really good, actually, 's kind of what I wanted to tell you."

"Oh?" I said.

"Equestria," He said again, now looking me in the eyes once more, a small pause in the conversation, the silence deep and extensive. I watched him carefully as he took a deep breath in and then out again. "I love you. I really love you."

My lips parted, and I felt sure I heard him wrong. I suppose we had been together for quite some time now, but somehow, even after all the affection and wonderful things he'd done for me over the past months, even having our first times together, I still felt unlovable. 

It almost hurt me to hear him say those few stupid words. Because in a way, that made this all very real. It was silly of me to just be realizing this now, after five years of friendship and now being in a relationship, but he was attached to me. Really attached. And it's not really an issue when you're sure whoever you're attached to will be there forever.

But in this case, I couldn't honestly say I would be.

It wasn't doubt, not exactly. I didn't properly know what love was, I'd never even thought about loving anyone besides Draco, at least not romantically. Deep inside me, I'd known for a very long time that i loved him. 

They were just three words. It shouldn't be such an internal battle to say them back. I was just too worried if I did say them, that would make everything so...serious. It didn't even make sense in my own head. I didn't want what we had to go up in flames.

But he had truly just put all his cards on the table, being vulnerable with me. So, I put on a smile and looked him back in the eyes.

"I love you too," I said quietly, squeezing his hands.

He smiled like a child on christmas, leaning down to kiss me quickly, which I returned, lacking his level of enthusiasm.

It wasn't a lie. I did love him, and I'd known long before he actually said it that he loved me. Because there are nonverbal ways to show you love someone. 

Like how he would drape an extra blanket over me when I was asleep so I wouldn't get cold.

Or how he would sit in dead silence in the middle of the night after I'd had a bad dream.

How he'd remind me when it was time to eat.

And tell me I looked beautiful when I felt like I wasn't. 

So I had known, for some time. I loved him, of course I did. My heart beat for him, he had freed my soul in a way that made me fall madly in irrevocably in love, absolutely irreparably. But saying the words out loud, putting all my cards on the table was a leap.

Draco pulled away, his eyes still glowing with happiness, I could tell even in the dim light. 

I'd never said those words out loud. Never, in my sixteen years, had I ever said 'I love you'. Maybe I had when I was a little girl playing with my rag dolls, but never to another person. It was thrilling, but not in the adrenaline rushing, heart pounding way you would think.

Thrilling in the way that it makes your body feel warm all over, like a warm shower after being out in the snow.

"I've never said that to anybody before." I said, I couldn't help but smile. 

"Really?"

"Really."

Draco smiled a bit, pulling me closer to him once again. We fell into silence once again, looking out over the skyscape, which was now almost entirely dark, speckled with stars, shining their soft light down on us.

"I'm going to miss you over break," I sighed, dropping my head to his shoulder.

"I'm going to miss you more, but my mother's written back, she's happy to have you over after you've seen your family." he said.

"Well that'll be fun, we've never been properly together outside of school, have we?" 

"No, not really, I suppose." He said with a half shrug. 

Again, the conversation paused as we both gazed out over the scenic view infront of us.

"I'm cold, let's go back," I said, squeezing his hand before scooting back and standing up. He did the same, sliding his hand into mine, and we exited the unused classroom.

Draco held the door to his dormitory door open, letting me step in before him.

The other boys in the room said a hello to us as we walked in, it had become a fairly often occurrence that I would come into the boys dorm and spend the night.

Draco let me crawl into bed first with a deep breath out, him following, drawing the curtains around us for a touch of privacy. He started running his fingers through my hair, untangling it slowly.

"Your hairs' getting so long, Love," He mumbled as he stated, as he started to weave his fingers through the top of my hair, starting a braid. 

I just hummed in response, relaxing into his touch, as he plaited my hair, a regular routine for us now, which though I wouldn't admit it, made my heart melt that he'd learned to braid hair just because it's what I liked.

He tied off one braid, moving onto the other half of my hair. He ran his fingers through the ends, untangling it.

We sat in silence as he weaved the three strands of my hair together, finally tying it off with a hairtie, and squeezing my shoulders to say he was done.

I leaned back into his chest, looking up at him cheekily. He rolled his eyes, kissing my forehead, and pushing me off him gently so I was laying down. I smiled again, raising my eyebrows.

"Not tonight," Draco mumbled, looking down with a small smile.

I sighed exaggeratedly. "You're a pain in the ass."

"You're not any better." 

"I know." I smiled, fluffing up the covers and getting under them, snuggling up.

"I meant what I said earlier, Equestria. I love you, really." 

His words dripped over me like warm honey, sweet and comforting, making my stomach flutter. 

"And I meant it too. I love you." I said back, an unstoppable smile creeping across my face. I wrapped my arms around him, only for him to shove me off somewhat playfully a few seconds later. I rolled my eyes. "Come on, you can't just let me hold you for two seconds?"

Draco just scoffed in response, which I guess I shouldn't be surprised by. He didn't like cuddling, almost ever, unless he was half asleep. 

"Fuck you." I mumbled.

"Goodnight, my love."

~~~~~~~~~

"I'm going to miss you over break, Darling," Draco mumbled, hugging me tightly as we walked off the train.

"I'll miss you more," I said, resting my head on his shoulder for a moment. 

"Write, okay?" He said, handing my bag to me, which he'd been carrying.

"I promise I will, try to enjoy holiday until I get there, alright?" I squeezed his hands. I looked over to the crowd of parents coming to pick up their children, spotting Remus standing towards the back. "Okay, I love you. I'll see you soon."

"That never gets old, goes it?" Draco smiled.

"Never."

"Love you, have a good time, Beautiful." He said sincerely, kissing me on the cheek.

I smiled, walking over to Remus, who greeted me paternally.

"Ah, Equestria, it's so good to see you again. Was your term alright?"

I nodded, truly happy to be with him again, the promise of seeing Sirius was exciting as well. "It was great, yeah, I'm glad to see you." 

"Ready?" Remus extended his arm to me, and wordlessly I took it, only managing half a breath in before the uncomfortable feeling of apparition took me over, squeezing all the air out of my lungs.

"Here we are," he said cheerily. "Number twelve, grimmauld place."

"Is this...?" I asked, studying the outside of the place in wonder, my eyes glued to the bricks which were now shifting their positions to reveal a whole new building buried between two other ones.

"Headquarters," Remus smiled. "Now, Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys are here, and of course they can't know, especially not Harry. I will simply say you're my goddaughter and I knew your parents at school, alright?"

"Alright," I said, something of excitement swelling in my chest. I hadn't seen Sirius in nearly a year and a half now.

"But the order members do know. They knew your parents when they were alive, of course, so they know who you are." 

"Okay," I said, still anxious to get inside and see Sirius.

We walked up the few steps, and Remus opened the door for me. I looked around the hallway, slender and old fashioned, portraits on the walls. The carpet looked worn and slightly dusty, tattered with age. Remus put a hand on my back, guiding me down the hall and into what I took to be the kitchen.

I grinned widely as I saw the curly black haired man. I crossed the room in a few steps, before he took me into a warm, comforting hug.

"Oh, Equestria," he looked at me proudly. "How good to see you," 

I couldn't stop my wide smile. The only other person in the room was a plump woman that looked to be middle aged, cooking on the stove and eyeing me.

"Molly," Remus called to her. "This is Equestria, my goddaughter, I'm sure you remember her. She's a year ahead of Ron and Harry, now."

I smiled politely, as the woman looked at me, not saying anything, just turning back around to the food on the stove.

"How have you been?" He asked, smiling, his brown eyes crinkling as he clasped his hands on the table.

"Wonderful, actually. Things have been quite good," I mused, playing with a strand of my hair.

"Remus told me about the boy," He teased slightly.

"Yeah," I blushed slightly, looking away. "Things are great between us."

"I'm glad to hear it. Tell me about him, why don't you?"

I smiled. "He just gets me like nobody else. He respects me, treats me well. He's just all I could ask for, do you know what I mean?"

Sirius nodded. "If you're happy, as am I. Now, I've been meaning to ask you about something for quite some time-"

But his words were cut off by footsteps in the hallway. I looked out the kitchen door, and I saw six people standing in the entryway, taking off their coats, talking amongst themselves.

I pursed my lips as Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked into the room, among three other gingers. 

"What's she doing here?" The redhead asked, looking gobsmacked.

"Manners!" The red haired woman, whom Remus had called Molly shouted.

"This is Equestria, my goddaughter," Remus said nonchalantly to the group. "Have you met?"

"No," Harry said curtly, making eye contact with me only for a second. "Not properly," He nodded at me slightly when Remus turned away. I smiled slightly back, feeling Hermione's judgemental stare on me. 

Everyone eventually sat around the table, I stayed between Sirius and Remus as conversation picked up, nothing I felt like taking part in. I fiddled with my ring, twisting it on my finger.

"You can use my owl, if you like. In the sitting room, incase you want to write him." Sirius whispered discretely to me, nudging me when there was a lull in the conversation.

"Thanks," I smiled, excusing myself from the table and walking over to a rich brown owl, perched inside a cage. I picked up a piece of parchment and quill, dipping it in the inkwell. I thought about what to write, and something eventually came to me.

I couldn't help but grin a bit as I sealed the letter, helping the soft bird out of its cage, the door rattling at my touch.mtying it to the owl, and sending it out into the night to Draco.

I walked back into the kitchen, and there was food around the table, seeming like dinner had just been served. 

"Hungry?" Sirius asked me warmly.

"No, thank you." I said politely, just sipping on some water. I looked around the table, enjoying the friendly atmosphere of everyone around the table, laughing and talking. Everyone seemed so...content.

Remus nudged me slightly. "Are you alright? You look shocked."

I shook my head, a certain cheerfulness welling inside me. "I thought this type of thing only happened in books," I breathed, referring to everyone happily conversing and joking.

I leaned back in my chair, smiling pretty much uncontrollably. I made a mental note to tell Draco what family dinners were supposed to be like.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Well," Remus said, standing from the table, an hour after everyone had finished dinner. "We had better be on our way now, Equestria." 

"Okay," I said, standing up and running a hand through my hair. "Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Weasley," I had since been told the redhead woman's name. 

"Oh, nothing at all deary, nothing at all," She tittered, starting to clear the plates off the table, dumping them in the sink, and with a flick of her wand, the dishes started doing themselves.

"We'll be back tomorrow," Remus said to Sirius, giving him a lingering hug. Sirius mumbled something to Remus that made him chuckle lowly.

I hugged Sirius, who gave undoubtedly the best hugs I'd ever had. "See you tomorrow," I smiled.

He grinned back, waving to Remus and I as we stepped into the foyer. He held out his arm to me, and I took a deep breath in before that oh-so-unpleasant feeling of apparition came over me. I thought I was going to choke, but my feet were planted on the ground firmly, nearly making my knees buckle from the force.

"I'll never get used to that," I grumbled, pressing a finger to my temple. I opened my eyes, and we were in a little house, plain, but inviting and cozy all the same. 

"Here," Remus said, taking a few steps forward. "I'll show you to your room."

I followed him up the stairs, holding my bag in my arms. He opened the door to a small room with what looked like a queen bed, and tan curtains and a blue comforter on the bed.

"Is this okay?" He asked, looking at me hopefully, his hands lingering on the doorknob. 

"Absolutely, thank you so much," I said graciously, stepping into the room and starting to unpack the days worth of clothes I had in my bag into the white dresser with blue knobs. 

"Let me know if you need anything at all, okay?" He said, stepping out of the room and pulling the door closed behind him.

I took a deep breath in and out again, smiling.

Felt like home.

I pulled on Draco's sweater, which smelled like his oaky cologne. I inhaled, scrunching it up to my face, the comforting scent making me feel like I was cuddled up next to him in his bed. I fished out a cigarette from my bag, lighting it with my muggle lighter, and taking a long drag. I opened a window as an afterthought, realizing Remus probably wouldn't want me smoking. 

I didn't do it often, only when I really felt like it, sometimes with Louise or Draco, but mostly alone. I swirled another mouthful of smoke around in my mouth, blowing it out.

Today was bittersweet. Call it pathetic, but I missed Draco even after less than a day. Maybe Louise was right and we really did have something of separation anxiety. But I felt like I got to experience family for what felt like the first time. I saw a glimpse of what my childhood could have been like. Maybe it was a late start, but I loved who I had. It felt unreal, almost.

I inhaled another lungful of smoke. I could practically hear Pansy inside of my head, telling me how much I was rotting my lungs. Again, the thought made me almost laugh. Things like this seemed so trivial, so juvenile. So good. So non-adultish.

I looked up at the moon, taking a small comfort in knowing Draco had the exact same moon over his head at this very moment. It's a small world, after all. A small world where we were lucky enough to find eachother. Despite how much I held against the world, not a day went by that I wasn't greatful for that.

I could forgive everything the universe had done to me, because in the end, there was a one in seven billion chance I would find the perfect person for me, and for once in my life, the odds had worked in my favor.

~~~~~~~~~~

Two days after that was christmas eve. I slept in, waking up to sun streaming through the curtains. I rolled over, not wanting to leave my warm nest of blankets. But an owl tapping at the window was all the motivation I needed, when I blearily opened my eyes and saw the Malfoy's sleek, black owl. 

I untied the letter from the owl's foot, and opened it, greeted with emerald green ink in Draco's obnoxiously neat handwriting.

His letter was short, but sweet. I smiled, folding it up, and tucking it away, making a mental note to write him back later. I kept pretty much every letter Draco wrote to me. I brushed out my hair and got dressed, walking downstairs to the smell of coffee. Remus was sitting at the kitchen table, a coffee pot infront of him.

"Morning," He said cheerfully, pouring me a cup of coffee. 

"Thank you," I took it, sipping the warm liquid that left a bitter but satisfying taste in my mouth. 

"So, we'll go over to headquarters today, I think everyone from the order will be there. Moody, Tonks, Arthur." He commented.

"Alright," I said, looking out the window at the vast woods behind his house. 

"I do have something for you, consider it an early christmas present," He smiled, getting up from the table and going into the sitting room.

A pang of guilt hit me. It was no secret that Remus struggled, and that was being generous. "You didn't have to-"

"Nonesense." He said, coming back into the room. He handed me a small stack of what looked like photographs, kept together with a piece of string.

My lips parted, as I undid the twine holding them together. Two dozen, maybe more, pictures of my parents and a much younger me, and even Remus and Sirius. I sifted through them, some of just me and my parents, some of only my parents. Others with five adults plus me, though a certain traitor had his face scratched out, and some he was cut out of entirely. The last one in the stack made me grin. Remus looked only nineteen or twenty, holding a hysterically laughing baby me.

"Thank you," I murmured, my voice a bit weak as I could tear my eyes away from the pictures, enamored by the people in them.

" 'S the least I could do. Enjoy," He said, standing up and putting his mug in the sink, going back upstairs to presumably get ready to go to Grimmauld place in a few hours. 

I looked through the pictures, running my fingertips over some of the details. I tied them back up, knotting the string as to not lose any before I walked upstairs, back into my room, my mind swirling with thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~

We arrived at Grimmauld Place around early evening. Everyone was already seated around the dining room table, which was definitely longer than when I'd left last night. Several people I'd never seen before sat at the table, but neither Remus nor Sirius introduced me to them, so maybe they already knew who I was. Tinsel was pinned up on the curtains, and a small christmas tree was standing in the corner, glittering ornaments hanging from its branches.

"Now now, kids," Mrs. Weasly bustled into the room. "Upstairs. All of you."

"Aw Mum," Ron complained, Mrs. Weasley shuttling them out of the room. Harry though, looked like he had no intention of leaving, leaning on the table.

"You too, Harry," Sirius said in an undertone. He looked surprised, like Sirius didn't usually oppose him, which I assumed he didn't. I looked at Remus, a silent question wondering if I was part of 'kids'. He shook his head, signalling me to stay.

"How come she gets to stay?" Harry complained, looking indignantly from me to Sirius. Sirius just raised his eyebrows in a no-more-discussion-just-go kind of way. Harry mumbled something under his breath, but followed the others upstairs.

"We'll call you when dinner's ready," Mrs Weasley shouted up the stairs. She came back in, shutting the door behind her.

"Equestria," Sirius said, his tone took an almost professional manner I'd never heard from him before. "This is the Order of the Phoenix."

I surveyed the people around the table, trying to keep my expression neutral, though it was quite exciting.

"That's Tonks," He continued, gesturing to a girl with bubblegum pink hair that didn't look more than twenty five, if that. "Mad-Eye, Arthur, Molly, and Kingsley," He went around the table,introducing everyone. "The Order fought against Voldemort during first wizarding war." 

Sirius was one of the only people I'd ever heard use his name. 

"And, as most of you already know," Remus spoke up. "This is Equestria. James and Lily's daughter."

"Your parents were great people," Kingsley spoke in a booming, deep voice. 

"You look so grown up," Mrs. Weasley smiled sadly. "I remember when your parents brought you to a meeting for the first time."

"Equestria," Sirius obviously recognized I didn't want to talk about my parents. "If, and only if you're up to it, the Order thinks it would be of great importance to have you give us information we may not necessarily be able to obtain in other ways."

"How so?" I asked, skeptically.

"We do know that you are in...close contact with Voldemort. I'm sure, since he trusts you, you will hear things we wouldn't have another way of knowing. Do you understand?"

"You want be to pass information to the order?" I asked, looking Sirius in the eyes. I never assumed he would've asked something like that of me.

"It's a lot to ask, I know-"

"I'll do it." I said, shocking myself with how I answered with no hesitation.

He smiled a bit but quickly fixed his expression. "Think on it. It's a big job."

I nodded. "I'm not going to change my mind. I want to help if I can."

"Just like your father," Sirius mumbled under his breath, smiling slightly. "Let's not keep the kids waiting." He said, louder.

Mr. Weasley got up and opened the door, shouting up the stairs for everyone to come down. Footsteps thundered down the stairs as everyone came into the kitchen, where Mrs. Weasley was pulling out a big roast goose from the oven. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner had since finished, and everyone was spread out between the kitchen, sitting room, and around the fireplace. I was the only one left sitting at the kitchen table, happily surveying the room. I was only jerked out of my thoughts when Sirius pulled out the chair across from me, squeaking on the floor, two glasses and a bottle in hand.

"Don't tell Remus," he said simply, pouring a small amount of what looked like whiskey into each of the cups. He pushed one towards me, with a lesser amount than his, maybe only a sip or two.

"Cheers," he said quietly, taking a small sip. I did the same, the smooth, tangy, liquid hitting my tongue, leaving a bitter trail down my throat. He raised his eyebrows at my lack of reaction.

"I'm not even going to pretend that was my first drink," I murmured, putting the glass down.

He chuckled slightly. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Equestria."

I didn't say anything waiting for me to continue.

"Remus and I are together, I want you to know. It's only fair to you."

"I'm not bloody stupid," I scoffed. "I've known for ages now."

"Have you?" He asked, looking flabbergasted.

"Yes," I rolled my eyes. "It's obvious."

"Is it?"

"Very." I confirmed.

"And you're fine with it?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He smiled, looking down. "I do wish we could be a proper family."

"I hope, eventually." Silence fell between us, a content kind that didn't need to be filled.

"Sirius," I asked, after a few beats, waiting for him to look up at me before I continued. "Do you think there's going to be a war?"

He sighed. "This is how it all started last time. But we're further prepared this time."

"I hope so."

"As do I."

"Sirius?" I asked again. "Are you married?"

"Engaged. But never married." He looked across the room where Remus was holding a cup of tea by the fire.

"Were you young?" 

"Very."

"Did you ever regret it?"

"Not for a single second."


	20. ~eighteen~

And I wonder if someday you'll be by my side  
And tell me that the world will end up alright  
-Shawn Mendes, Wonder

Equestria

“Alright, ready to go?” Remus asked, knocking on my door lightly before cracking it open. 

“Yeah, I’m all packed,” I smiled, picking up my trunk and sliding into my shoes. It was Christmas Day, and today was the day I was going to see Draco and stay with him for the remainder of break.

“Meet me downstairs when you’re all ready, alright? I’ll apparate with you there, but I have to leave fairly quickly, I don’t want them to see, alright?”

“Okay,” I said, gathering up the last of my things as Remus walked down the stairs, the pitter-pattering of the steps echoing dully. I re-made the bed, pulling the duvet up and straightening the room out so it didn’t look like I had been there at all. 

I took the stairs two at a time, walking down happily, more than anxious to see Draco. Remus was waiting downstairs, where he handed my coat to me, which I shrugged on. 

“Ready?” He said, offering his arm to me.

“Ready.” I confirmed, taking a deep breath in before tightening my hold on my trunk and taking his arm. Instantaneously, my lungs were being compressed and I choked on the breath that was halfway down my throat. 

My feet planted onto the ground and I was standing on the porch steps of a rustic, simple wood cabin, by the address Draco had given me.

“It was lovely seeing you, Equestria, but I must be on my way.” Remus said with a smile.

I hugged him quickly. “Thank you for having me.”

“Write me when you get to school, alright?”

I nodded, and in the blink of an eye and a sharp crack, he disappeared into thin air.

I knocked on the oak front door gingerly, rapping my knuckles across the hard surface only three times, feeling giddy and girlishly excited to see Draco again after a week apart. 

“Equestria,” Narcissa smiled warmly as the door opened. “How good to see you! Come in, come in.” 

“Thank you so much for having me,” I said politely, stepping inside, shrugging my coat off and hanging it on the rack. I looked around the small cabin, it was never a place I would’ve really imagined the Malfoy’s. The floors were wood, as well as the table and shelves, a brick fireplace on the rightmost wall already had red and orange flames dancing upon crackling logs.

“Of course, it’s my pleasure.” She said sweetly, drawing her wand out from her robes, and with a flick she made my trunk lift out of my hands, floating gracefully up the stairs and out of sight. 

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and was met with Draco, a genuine smile on his face, emerging from the small kitchen. I smiled back, walking over to him right away, hugging him hard. He wrapped his arms around me almost protectively, holding me close to him, though it was only a week that we’d been apart. 

“Missed you,” he mumbled to me, letting me go after a few more seconds. I heart footsteps fading away, meaning Narcissa had walked up the stairs, letting us have our moment alone.

“Missed you most,” I said back, my heart fluttering lightly feeling excited. Draco kissed my forehead, making me practically melt at the small, simple gesture. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Always, Love. Hang on a moment, I’ve got something for you.” He said, retreating several steps back into the kitchen. 

“Oh, we’re doing gifts now? Hold on, let me go get yours.” I smiled. “Where’s the bedroom?”

“Up the stairs, first door on the right.” Draco called. I followed his directions, walking up the stairs and into the first bedroom on the right hand side, where sure enough, my trunk was waiting. I opened it, digging around until I found his gift.

I walked back down the stairs, where Draco was waiting with a small box in his hand, leaning on the counter. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, almost immediately feeling guilty, knowing he probably got something extravagant and expensive, seeing as it looked like it had jewelry in it. 

“Hush. Turn around, hold up your hair.” He said, rolling his eyes. Again, I did as he said, picking up all my hair off my neck and getting up on my tiptoes so he could reach easier. “And eyes closed.”

With a sigh, I obeyed, shutting my eyes and I felt something small and cold around my neck, his hands presumably working at a clasp behind my neck. 

“Alright, look.” He said, taking a half step back. I turned towards him, opening my eyes and looking down at my chest, picking up the end of the necklace. I audibly gasped, my heart fluttering.

“Draco...you didn’t...” I murmured, looking at a gorgeous gold necklace with a tiny emerald on the end, hanging down. “This must’ve cost a fortune...”

“It looks beautiful on you, do you like it?” He asked anxiously, smiling hopefully.

“Of course I love it, this is bloody gorgeous, but you didn’t have to sp-“

“Nonsense, Equestria. I’m glad you like it.” He cut my off, picking up my hand in his. 

“I feel so stupid giving you this now,” I mumbled, feeling my face go hot as I handed him a photograph of the two of us on the night of the Yule ball, inside of an intricately twisted and shining silver frame. 

“I never knew about this photo,” he said with a smile, taking it from me and running his fingers over it. 

“Pansy took it, she gave it to me last year.” I said, still a bit shocked that he gave me a necklace with a real emerald in it when we’d only been properly together since September. 

“I love this, ‘s perfect.” He said, studying the photograph, which was the two of us sitting on the commonroom couch long after the ball, smiling and looking tired. “Thank you, Darling.”

“Of course, thank you, really. This is stunning, really.” I said honestly. 

Draco set the picture down with a small clink on the wood surface, leaning down to give me a quick chaste kiss.

I heart footsteps re-enter the room, Narcissa clearing her throat as she walked in. She smiled at the pair of us, walking over to me and looking at the gem on my neck.

“Oh, this really does look gorgeous on you.” She said, smiling. “Dinner in an hour, how does that sound? Draco, why don’t you show Equestria around the place?”

“Right, thank you, Mum,” Draco said, sliding his hand into mine. I let him lead me up the stairs, into the room where I had briefly been, where my trunk was sitting.

“This ‘s the room we’re staying in,” he said.

“We’re?” I asked.

“Yeah, is that alright?”

“Of course, of course, but is your mother okay with that?”

He shrugged. “I think she knows that even if she gave us separate rooms, you’d come sleep with me anyways. I don’t know if there’s even an extra bedroom anyways.”

“It’s so nice here. ‘S cozy.” I said, stepping into the room and actually taking it in more. There were two big windows looking over the tops of the trees. The floor was hardwood and creaked with every step. 

“Havent been here since I was really young,” Draco said offhandedly, putting his hands in his pockets. “Did you have a good time with your family?”

I nodded. “Yeah, it was nice to see everybody, but I really did miss you a lot. A bit boring, really.” I said, walking back over to him and letting him wrap his arms around my waist, hugging me almost lazily. I leaned my head on his chest, both of us swaying a bit. 

I felt him rest his head on top of mine, the both of us just sitting in a comfortable silence. I enjoyed just being in his presence after a week apart. 

“Glad you had a good time.” He mumbled.

“Have you been here the whole holiday?” I asked.

“Yeah, my father doesn't even know I left school. Reckon he thinks my mother’s just staying here.” He sighed. “Apparently things are getting...worse.”

“I don't want to think about that right now,” I said weakly. For the start of the break, all I was surrounded by was talk of The Order, or Death Eaters, the Ministry, and really I was sick of it.

“Alright, alright,” Draco said, pulling away. “Are you okay, Love? You seem a bit off.”

If only he knew. If only he knew thatI had just signed my life away to the order, putting my safety on the line. If only he knew my nightmares were coming back, worse than ever when I didn't have him sleeping next to me. If only he knew how worried I was for the future.

But we could unpack all of that after break. Right now, I wanted to enjoy holiday with him, away from school, just the two of us.

I put on a smile. “Yeah, o’course, just a bit tired.”

He picked my hand up. “You’re sure?”

I nodded, getting up on my tip-toes, and pecking him quickly on the lips. 

“I do think Sirius and Remus would like to meet you, if there’s ever a chance.” I said, rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand.

“Is that such a great idea?” He asked, cocking his head. “Doesn't everybody on that side of the war despise anybody even affiliated with my family?” 

“There’s….stigma, of course. But they’re as close to dads as I’ve got, I told him how happy we are and how much I love you, so if youre alright with it, I really would like you to meet him sometime.” 

“If its what you want, we can work something out,” Draco said, looking down at our intertwined hands. “Did you have a good time, really?”

“I did, it was just a bit...heavy, you know? A lot of...war stuff. ‘S just a lot. It really was nice to see Sirius and Remus again, though.” 

“It’s good you got to see them, but I understand how that can be a lot.”

“Yeah, I am glad to see you again, though. Missed you loads.” 

“Missed you most,” He said, leaning down, connecting our lips in a real, slow, sweet kiss. He tasted slightly of something sweet. 

“Peppermint?” I asked, tasting sweetness on his tongue, which l had swiped delicately against my own.

“Chocolate,” He corrected, leaning back down, kissing me again. 

I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck, arching my back, curving my body into his, fitting together like two puzzle pieces. He slid his hands down my body, settling at my hips as he kissed me lovingly, running his tongue over my lips. 

I hummed into his lips, tilting my head and deepening the kiss. Draco moved one hand down to slide inside the back pocket of my jeans, making me giggle into his lips. I felt him smile back, pushing my body tight to his.

“Draco, Equestria, dinner!” Narcissa’s voice called, muffled from downstairs.

I pulled away, pursing my lips.

“We really can’t have one single moment, can we?” 

Draco sighed, shaking his head. “Apparently not.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

An hour or so after dinner had finished and we’d sat downstairs by the fire for a little while, Draco and I had slinked away to his room, now in the middle of a heated makeout, my hands roaming all over his body while we were both seated on his bed. I started to toy with his collar, wanting to start undoing the buttons, practically begging to relieve a bit of the tension between us.

I let him tangle his fingers into my hair, pulling just enough for me to let out a little whimper into his lips, muffled by our mouths pressed harshly together. I ran my hands down his abs to his belt, brushing my fingertips over it. I pulled my hands away, though, when I felt him tense up.

Draco pulled away, turning his head to the side so I couldn’t reach his lips.

“Whats wrong?” I asked, the mood that was abundantly present just a few moments ago rapidly fading away.

He shook his head. “We cant...we cant do it right now, my mother’s downstairs, I would pitch myself off the roof if she heard us.” He said.

“Alright, alright,” I sighed, pulling my shirt back on, which he’d previously taken off, flopping backwards so I was lying on his side of the bed.

He lied next to me, staring up at the ceiling, clasping his hands over his stomach, letting out a sigh.

I sat up after a moment, looking over at the little clock sitting on the nightstand, seeing it was just past ten. There wasn’t much to do, and I was a bit sleepy as it was.

“D’you mind if I shut the lights off?” I asked, standing up off the bed and digging through my suitcase until I found my favorite sweatpants and old shirt. I changed quickly, tossing my clothes back into my trunk as Draco got up and took his shirt off, trading it for a knit jumper. 

“No, go ahead,” he said, laying back into bed. I flicked the lights off, snuggling under the covers, close to him so my back was pressed up against his chest.

I let out a little gasp as I felt Draco’s hand trailing up my thigh, creeping higher and higher until he was at my waistband, slowly sliding his hand down my pants.

“This okay?” He mumbled, already knowing the answer, but I appreciated that he would always ask.

“Of course,” I said, excited to see what he was going to do, parting my legs s little more for him. He slowly moved his hand down, over the thin fabric of my panties until his two forefingers were between my legs, rubbing against the small wet spot.

I felt his other hand come up to my neck, moving all my hair so my neck was exposed, and he quickly attached his lips to my neck, slowly starting to muss my skin teasingly, running his tongue over the marks he was making and he moved my panties out of the way so his fingers brushed over my skin.

I let out a little sigh of pleasure as he started to push his fingers into me slowly, his lips never faltering on my neck. I moaned softly as he started to rub my clit with his thumb.

“You’re crazy,” I mumbled, letting my eyes flutter shut as that pressure behind my pelvis started to build up.

“Feeling good, Love?” Draco asked, ignoring my previous statements as he started to move his fingers faster.

All I could do was nod, relaxing into his touch as he resumed kissing my neck, overwhelming my senses in an unbelievably pleasing way. 

A soft groan fell from my lips as he touched me, breaking his lips away from my neck so he could watch me as I screwed up my face, pushing my hips into his fingers until they grazed over my g spot. I didn’t even bother trying to form a sentence, just letting him continue.

“Getting close, aren’t you?” Draco mumbled after a few minutes, working his fingers even faster.

All I could do was whimper and nod, jerking my hips forward as I felt my release come closer. 

“Cum on my fingers, that’s it,” he said lowly, whispering in my ear. 

I whined in response, letting my body relax and a wave of sweet, much awaited release washed over me, as I came on his fingers, pumping in and out of me.

I opened my eyes after a few moments turning over as Draco took his hand away with a slight smirk on his face, bringing his fingers up to his lips, parting them and sucking them clean, which was unbelievably attractive.

Wordlessly, I got out of bed, walking into the bathroom to clean up quickly before I crawled back into bed with Draco, a smirk on his face.

“How was that?” He asked, resting his hand on my hip.

“You’re full of surprises.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

I bolted up, jerking my eyes open, my hands clutching at my chest. I was shaking uncontrollably, my skin absolutely drenched in a cold sweat, my clothes sticking to me. I closed my eyes, my breath catching in my throat involuntarily, as I desperately tried to get the horrible, vivid image out of my head.

“Equestria?” Draco mumbled as I heard the covers moving, blearily opening his eyes, still obviously half asleep. “Whats wrong?”

I was unable to answer, trying to get my heart to return to a normal pace, just shaking my head, though he couldnt see in the darkness. 

“Go back to sleep,” I managed, my voice quavering and hoarse, it sounded like I’d just run a marathon.

My whole body shook as I wiped tears out of my eyes, my heart racing and my lungs being practically useless.

“Darling, whats wrong?” Draco said, half sitting up.

I dropped my head to my hands, feeling so unbelievably angry with myself. I couldnt even control my goddamned dreams, and the way my body reacted was pathetic. I was disgusted with myself that I’d let him follow me into my subconscious again.

I was so fucking weak.

I climbed out of bed, my legs feeling unstable as I walked as fast as I could into the bathroom, shutting the door immediately behind me, leaning over the counter as I tried to calm my stomach which was doing turnovers. 

I let out a breath, flicking on the light, blinking to get my eyes used to it. I looked up in the mirror, my eyes scanning over my reflection. My hair was sticking to my forehead, my face paper-white and blotchy. 

I bent over the sink, running the faucet and splashing some cool water up onto my face. The sound of the flowing tap filled my ears, echoing off the ceramic tiles, splashing down the drain. I took a shaky breath in, turning off the water and burying my face in a hand towel, exhaling slowly, trying to calm down and shut away the images my brain had drummed up while I was asleep. 

It had felt like I was there again. 

It had felt like he was holding me down, keeping his hands over my mouth to muffle my screams and pleads for it to stop. 

It had felt like I was under that disgusting monster of a man that had taken away my virginity and left me tainted.

I dried off my face, slowly putting my hand on the doorknob, turning it beneath my trebling fingertips. I stepped out into the room, where Draco was half sitting up in bed, looking at me worredly.

“My love, are you okay?” He asked as soon as I came into view.

I nodded. “Sorry.”

“You didnt do anything wrong, what happened, Beautiful?”

I debated just saying I had a headache, cuddling up next to him and going back to sleep, but he could see straight through me like I was transparent, there was no use lying to him, he knew all of my tells.

“Have you been getting nightmares again?” Draco asked, practically reading my mind.

I bit my bottom lip, nodding, unable to look him in the eyes. He reached out, picking up my hand in his.

“I’m so sorry, my love, come lay down.” He said, squeezing my hand.

I did, tears welling in my eyes, willing them not to fall. But when he pulled me in, wrapping his arms around me, I completely unraveled, tears starting to slip down my face.

He ran his thumbs under my eyes, wiping them away, murmuring sweet nothings under his breath to me. I buried my head into his shoulder, starting to cry more than I had in months. 

“Its alright, Beautiful, its alright,” He whispered, carefully stroking my hair as I completely lost my composure, all my stitches coming undone, absolutely hysterical.

There was really nothing I hated more than crying infront of people, but there was just no stopping the tears that flowed down my cheeks, crying uncontrollably, my shoulders shaking uncontrollably with the sobs that wracked my body.

“It was supposed to be with you! It was supposed to be with you, it's supposed to be with someone you love! It's supposed to be sweet and gentle and perfect! It was supposed to be my choice! And it wasn't! He stole it! It was supposed to be with you, because I love you! I want to say my first time was with you, the person I love, not when I was thirteen fucking years old and couldn't even make sense of it!" I cried, completely overwrought, clinging onto him.

“I’m so sorry, I know Darling,” he whispered, holding me tightly to him as all the muscles in my body involuntarily went slack. 

“Fuck,” I mumbled weakly, my voice strained. “I hate this!”

“I know you do, I know,” He said, letting me spill my guts out to him, though it was the middle of the night and he was probably exhausted.

“I’m sorry,” I cried, and I meant it with every single ounce of my soul. I was sorry he had to deal with someone like me, who couldn’t even make it through one night normally. 

“No, no, don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong, okay? Nothing wrong.” He said firmly, rubbing my shoulders. 

“I fucking hate this!” I said, slamming my hands down, one hitting the headboard, and the other hitting his chest, but he didn’t even flinch, just another reminder of how helpless I was.

“It’ll be okay, I promise, okay? I promise, it’s going to be okay.” He said softly.

I was too tired, mentally and physically, to even be mad anymore. I just collapsed into him, dead weight, and he held me, murmming softly into my ear.

“I promise, I’ll be with you on these nights okay? You won’t have bad dreams alone.”


	21. ~nineteen~

"Then what will you do when he sets you free  
Just the way that you said goodbye to me"  
-Cher, The Way of Love

Draco

The stairs creaked under my feet as I walked downstairs, only minutes after I'd woken up. The bed had been empty besides myself, so I could only assume Equestria had gone downstairs. 

I yawned, running a hand over my face and through my hair, stepping down the last of the stairs, and I immediately saw Equestria sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly ahead of her.

"Hey love," I said softly, walking into the room. 

She looked up, her eyes a little red as though she hadn't slept all night, her undereyes dark. 

"Morning," she said quietly, her voice hoarse. 

"How're you holding up?" I asked tentatively, walking over to the stove and putting on the kettle.

"Alright," she shrugged, leaning her head on her hand. "I'm sorry I woke you last night, did you sleep okay?"

"I slept fine, don't worry about it at all," I dismissed her, getting two mugs from the cabinet, setting them down on the counter. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Some," she said, but as usual, I could tell when she was saying something just to make me feel better, though I decided to let her get away with it. "I haven't been down here that long, really, only since six thirty."

"That's early, aren't you tired?" I said, retrieving the cream and sugar as the kettle started to whistle shrilly. 

She shrugged. "Haven't slept well lately anyways." 

I pursed my lips, turning away from her and pouring the boiling water into the two mugs, swirling the tea leaves around and then putting just a bit of cream into hers, no sugar, just how she liked it. It was beyond me how somebody could actually drink something so bitter and plain like that, really, I couldn't see how she liked it. I put plenty of sugar in mine, though Equestria always harped on me for my sweet tooth, and then poured practically buckets of cream into it so it was really just off-white. I set hers down in front of her, sitting in the chair across from her. 

"Thank you," she said, bringing the mug to her pink lips and taking a small sip. 

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

She shook her head, playing with the rings on her fingers, twisting them on and off. 

I would never understand just what went through her head, and really, I longed to know just exactly how she thought, but I wasn't going to pretend I could connect to how she was feeling. I couldn't imagine what she saw or what she had to relive, but I knew Equestria like the back of my hand and she wasn't easily shaken like this, so I could only guess it had to be like hell for her. 

"Can I do anything for you?" I asked, sipping at my own tea.

"I'm not a charity case," she said quickly, her gaze falling to the table, tracing over the patterns made by the grains in the wood.

"I know you're not," I said. 

"Just drop it."

"Can't I just-"

"Draco, drop it." She said firmly, taking another drink of her tea. 

"Okay." I said defeatedly.

Something I had always loved about her was she stood her ground just about always, but that made situations like this a million times more difficult. She wouldn't let me help her.

"Sorry." She said after a few moments of silence. "I'm just tired."

"I know." I nodded, looking out the window where snow was falling gently. "Would you like to go for a walk? 'S beautiful outside."

"Yeah." She said, taking a drink of her tea. "It is pretty out."

I drained my cup, standing and putting it in the sink, running the faucet and rinsing it out. She handed me hers, and I did the same.

"Draco?" I heard her ask, her voice small.

"Yeah?" I said, shutting off the tap and turning to face her. 

"Have you got a record player?" 

"I think my mother has one in the sitting room." I said, recalling her putting on music when I was younger.

"I'll be back, just a minute," Equestria said, hightailing it up the stairs before I could ask another question, but returning into view a mere minute later, holding what looked like a vinyl sleeve in her hand. 

"What've you got there?" I asked, leaning against the counter, raising my eyebrows. 

"Sirius gave it to me," she explained. "He's got loads of muggle music, but he wanted me to have this. He said my parents played this at their wedding, I wanted you to hear it." She said, almost sheepishly.

"Put it on," I said, inclining my head to the record player in the corner. I watched her as she walked over to it, opening up the lid and putting the black record down, clumsily fumbling with the needle until she got it in place, only scratching slightly.

*

A slow, old, sweet music started to fill up the room, and she extended her hand to me, though I was a whole room away, still leaning on the kitchen counter. 

"Dance with me?" She asked, smiling a bit, brushing a piece of hair away from her eyes.

I sighed, rolling my eyes, but walked towards her all the same, taking her hand, small and cold in mine, which made her face glow, and that was all I needed to see. I put my hand on her waist, through the thick fabric of her huge sweatshirt which she was practically swimming in. She put her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it in a small thank you gesture.

We started to sway slowly, dancing messily to the music that stemmed from the record player. She let out a big breath, letting her head fall and resting it on my chest, continuing to waltz with me. 

"Draco?" She said once more, as if she didn't have my full attention right now.

"Yes, Darling?" I asked.

She sighed softly, closing her eyes. "I don't know if I beleive in...a god, exactly, but I believe in the universe, and it's power and stuff like that. And I thank the universe every day for you, honestly I do. I love you. A lot." 

My lips parted at her words, they hadn't been anything I was expecting. I pulled her in a bit closer to me, resting my head on hers gently, her hair brushing against the side of my face. 

Equestria, for her whole life, had just needed to be loved.

"I feel like my whole life I was searching for someone like you- well I mean like you now, what we have now- and I didn't even know it." She said, as if she could read my mind. 

"I love you too," I reminded her. "More than life."

I kissed the top of her head, feeling her body slowly relax into me more.

"You're so tense," I said. It was true, her muscles were always taught, like she was bracing for something. "Loosen up a bit Beautiful, it's just me."

We swayed slowly, and I eventually let go of her hand, letting mine go over her shoulder and to the back of her head, twirling her hair around my finger as she opened her eyes again, getting up on her tip-toes to lay a quick kiss on my lips, feather-light and loving.

I looked at her eyes, as she gazed back into mine, I reached my hand up and tucked her hair behind her ear, kissing her cheek as I did, then letting my hand go back down to her waist.

"It's a beautiful song, isn't it?" She murmured, laying her head against my chest once more.

"I think it's a bit sad," I said, taking a glance at the spinning vinyl on the old record player.

"You're right." She said, "but I think that's why it's beautiful."

"You think?"

"I do, I think sometimes the most tragic things are the prettiest."

If only she looked at everything that way.

"Maybe you're right."

"Maybe." She shrugged.

The song slowly came to a close, making Equestria break away from me to lift the needle and take the record off, slipping the black vinyl back into its sleeve, and laying it gingerly on the table.

"Can we go on that walk now?" She asked, though both of us were still in pajamas. 

I walked over to the coatrack, unhooking both hers and mine and shrugging mine on, handing the other to her. I slid my shoes on as she laced up her converse, sitting on the edge of the couch. I put my hand on the doorknob, turning it slowly so it wouldn't creak and wake my mother. Equestria slinked out before me, her feet making prints in the freshly fallen snow. 

I noticed her smile when she cupped her two hands in front of her, catching a few small, dainty snowflakes in her hands before brushing them off on her jacket. The snow speckled her dark hair, and I caught myself smiling as I watched her twirl around in the sprinkling snow, her cheeks and nose turning rosy pink from the cold.

I slid my hand into hers, leading her down the small pathway through the heavily vegetated area, no set sidewalk to be found. She kicked the snow, spraying it out in front of us like a child jumping in a puddle.

We didnt say anything for some time, just enjoying eachother as we walked steadily in one direction, the light snowflakes showering us in a sweet serenade of the winter weather.

"What if I told you right now, I want to pack all our things up and run away. Just you and me, far, far away from here. What would you say?" Equestria asked, stopping in her tracks to look me in the eye.

"I would- what are you talking about?" I shook my head, looking at her quizzically.

"Just answer me, first instinct, what would you say?"

I would say yes. I would tell her yes, that anywhere she went, I would follow. I would tell her I'd go wherever she wanted me to. I would tell her I'd be more than happy to leave everybody we know and just have it her and I, a fresh start.

"I would tell you you're out of your mind and that wouldn't ever work out." I said, cocking my head. 

"I know that." She whined, emphasis on the second word.

"Know what? Know you're out of your mind or know it wouldn't ever work?"

"Both, but you're telling me not even one part of you wants that?"

"Not what I'm saying," I countered. "Theoretically, that sounds amazing. Logistically, not as much."

"That's your problem, you're logistics this, logistics that, why don't you ever just...not think for a moment?"

"Because you're the one who doesn't think. If neither of us think, we're both going to end up dead."

"Now doesn't that sound nice, dying together?"

"You are out of your bloody mind."

"Come on, let's go die together, it'll be romantic." She said, smiling like an idiot, taking my hands in hers and starting to walk backwards, pulling me along. "If the sky falls right now, let's just say, I wouldn't be upset."

"What do you even mean?"

"I mean at least I'd know that I had the best time falling into love with you."

"And they say romance is dead." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, dickhead."

~~~~~~~~~~

Many hours later, I weaved my fingers through Equestria's thick hair, doing it in a neat, slick french braid all the way down her head and back. I was making sure all the parts were even but also making sure I didn't pull too hard. Her eyes had lulled shut, she had always liked when I played around with her hair, and she had been half asleep all day. The plait got thinner and thinner as I got to the ends of her hair, and I eventually tied it off with a hairtie, keeping it tightly secured. I touched her on the shoulder gently to let her know I was done, and her gorgeously green eyes fluttered back open.

She sat back on the couch next to me, snuggling up to me, curling her legs up into a ball. She rested her head on my chest, her eyes closing once more, her breathing deep and even as she dozed off a bit. I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her onto my lap and rubbing her back slowly. She looked so serene and relaxed, I couldn't bring myself to shift my positions no matter how tired my arm was getting.

She cuddles up closer to me, her body limp like a ragdoll in my arms. Her breath was slow, she was obviously on the brink of falling asleep. I continued to rub my hand over her back soothingly, knowing she didn't sleep well the night prior.

I brushed a few stray pieces of hair away from her forehead, and in her half asleep state, she pushed her head into my chest more, curling up into a tight ball. I fought a smile, she looked so pure and almost angelic, it was sweet. Only a few minutes ticked by, until I was sure she was dead asleep.

"Take her upstairs, Draco," My mother said, walking into the room from the kitchen, half smiling down at us. "The poor girl looks exhausted."

"She's comfortable here, I don't want to move her," I murmured, not breaking my eyes away from her face, her features soft and at ease.

"Alright, alright," My mother said, raising her hands and making her way up the stairs. "Get some rest, both of you."

I stroked her neatly braided hair absentmindedly, feeling like in this moment, everything was perfect and we would be alright. 

In a half hour, my arm was numb and tingling, and I myself was getting tired. Slowly, I put my other arm under her knees, keeping one around her back, and lifted her off the couch, holding her in my arms with ease, she was so small, probably too small. She shifted in my arms, but still asleep as I walked up the stairs carefully, stepping cautiously. I prodded the door open with my foot, stepping into the bedroom and pushing it closed quietly. 

I walked over to the bed, and eased her down, laying her down on her side. She sleepily rolled over, clutching the covers up to her chin. I smiled down at her, feeling very much unlike myself, just seeing her like that made me fall in love with her all over again. 

I pulled my shirt off over my head, flicking the lights off and laying down next to her, careful not to disturb her. I pulled the covers over myself, then wrapping one arm around her, pulling her sleeping form closer to me, which again, wasn't like myself, I didn't like cuddling like that. Unconsciously, she shifted a little, moving impossibly closer to me, so her head was on my shoulder.

"Goodnight, Love."

~~~~~~~~~~

Equestria

“I think I’m going to go up to bed,” I said, leaning over to kiss Draco on the cheek, though the building tension between us begged me to do more. I desperately tried to push those feelings away, seeing as his mother was sitting on the couch across from us, though she looked deeply interested in whatever book she was reading. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, I’ll be up in a few minutes,” Draco smiled back at me. I walked up the stairs, treading lightly so they didn’t creat as badly.

I walked into the room we shared, shutting the door behind me. I heard footsteps come up the stairs, but they didn’t sound like Draco’s at all, so I could only assume they were Narcissa’s, going into her bedroom. 

I let out a breath, running a brush through my hair and tying it up if I had absolutely any hope of finishing what he’d started two nights ago and we’d never gotten a moment to finish. 

I listened for a moment, and I didn’t hear him coming up the stairs, so I crossed the hallway slowly, stepping into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I ran the tap, holding the toothbrush under it after squirting a bit of toothpaste. I started brushing my teeth quickly, leaning down and spitting after a few minutes. 

I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand, pressing my hand to the door handle, taking barely a half step outside, before a hand closed around my wrist, pushing me back into the bathroom. 

Draco’s hand wrapped around mine, pulling me into the bathroom and shutting the door behind us all in one swift motion. Without even a second of passing time, he pressed his lips to mine, kissing he hard. I smiled uncontrollably into his lips as his hands slipped down my body and to my ass, squeezing as he did. He smiled back as he kissed me, pushing me up against the wall. 

“Couldn’t wait?” I mumbled into his lips and his hands went up my shirt, cupping my breasts through my bra.

“Can’t get enough of you,” he said between kisses, pressing his hips to mine, starting to grind against me slowly. I bent my knee, letting him get more pressure as we kissed feverishly, needy and desperate for eachother. 

He pulled me away from the wall, shifting me a few steps so I felt cold marble press up against my back, and before I could register that it was the counter, his hands were on my hips and he lifted me up so sit on it, so he didn’t have to lean down to meet my lips anymore. 

Draco started to kiss down my neck, only quick ones, though, seeing as he couldn’t make any marks or his mother would definitely know what we were doing. 

He ran his hand up my thigh, over the leggings I was wearing, and to the waistband, immediately starting to tug them down off my legs. I returned the favor, undoing his belt and pulling it off right away, clattering to the ground. Draco rubbed his hands over my bare thighs, squeezing them as he went, pushing my legs open so he could run his first two fingers over my panties as I fumbled with his zipper, getting it down and reaching my hand down to stroke him slowly through his underwear. I slid my tongue into his mouth slowly, kissing him deeply as he tangled one hand in my hair, using the other to pull my panties down to my knees. 

“Be quiet for me, Love, okay?” Draco mumbled as his fingers slowly worked their way up to my opening, teasing me before he slowly slid them in. He tilted my head up with his free hand so I was looking him in the eye. I nodded and bit my lip, starting to push my hips into his fingers as he pumped them in and out of me.

Draco pulled out a condom, and I pulled his underwear down, wrapping my hand around his dick, stroking him a few times before he rolled it on. I brought our mouths together, kissing rushedly as he lined up with me, pushing in slowly. I let out a little whimper, and he sighed in pleasure, murmuring quiet praises under his breath. 

He pushed all the way into me, setting a good, steady pace for both of us. I rocked my hips up against him letting out a moan as he bottomed out. I felt Draco’s hand cover my mouth, every sound seemingly amplified by the porcelain tiles in the bathroom. I groaned, the sound muffled into his hand as he filled me up.

I dropped my head to his shoulder, feeling like all my muscles had turned to jelly as I was finally getting the much needed relief both of us had practically been begging for since I got here. Draco’s labored, heavy breathing was the only thing I could focus on, as I felt the familiar tingle at the back of my naval.

Draco put his hand to my cheek, kissing me once again, my groans muffled into his lips as he pushed me closer and closer to release.

I wished the two of us were in a bedroom all to ourselves where we could be as loud as we wanted more than anything, but that was going to have to wait until at least after break. I couldn’t even believe we were doing it on the bathroom counter of his family’s vacation home, but I suppose here we are. I bit my tongue to keep from moaning his name, mortified that his mother might hear the two of us even though we were being as quiet as possible. 

“I’m close,” Draco mumbled, which was honestly surprising to me, seeing as it hadn’t been long. I supposed we were so desperate to get off that neither of us cared if we finished quickly or not, which I guess it was smart to be out of here as soon as possible, less of a chance of being caught.

I tensed the muscles in my stomach, focusing on the feeling of him inside me, his scent that had completely taken over the bathroom, his hands squeezing my hips. “Me too.” I whined, letting myself relax, reaching my hand down to rub my clit.

I finished first, releasing with Draco inside of me, biting down on his shoulder to stifle my groans of pleasure. 

“Fuck,” Draco whispered, his voice husky and strained. “You’re so perfect.”

I kissed him, hard, and I felt him come, hitting his orgasm with a small moan into my lips, one of his hands going to the back of my neck to keep our mouths tightly together. 

He slowly pulled out of me, breaking our mouths apart, both of us totally out of breath. Draco pushed our foreheads together, taking a moment to slow my erratic heartbeat. 

I smiled, feeling electrified, feeling alive. Draco pulled the condom off, tossing it in the trash and first pulling my panties up and then his boxers. I slid off the counter, picking my leggings up off the floor and stepping into them, pulling them back up. Draco did the same, re-doing his belt buckle and smoothing his hair out. I turned to face the mirror, seeing my face was flushed bright red and my lips were bigger than usual from kissing him so much.

I shook my head with a grin as he came up behind me, letting his hand slide down my back and to my ass.

“I can’t believe we just shagged in a bathroom while your mum’s probably sleeping in the room next to us.” I mumbled, shaking my head and feeling my face go hot, looking back on what we just did.

“Felt good, didn’t it?” He mumbled, nuzzling against my neck. 

I giggled, pushing him away and towards the door. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Draco slipped out, and I heart his footsteps go into his bedroom, but not the familiar click of the door shutting, so maybe he left it cracked for me.

I once again pulled my leggings down, quickly using the bathroom and washing my hands before I walked into his room after him, where he was waiting for me in bed, already in his pajamas, though he was shirtless.

I stripped off my leggings, trading them for little loose shorts and crawling into bed next to Draco, where he put his arm around me, pulling me up against him.

“You look so pretty when you take it like such a good girl for me,” he whispered into my ear, his words making my cheeks flush.

“Do not get me worked up again.” I said firmly, though I would happily listen to him talk like that for the rest of my life.

“Oh but darling, I just can’t wait to be on top of you again when we’re back at school.” He breathed.

“Fuck, Draco, don’t do this,” I mumbled, butterflies soaring in my stomach.

“Alright, alright,” he said, though his hand wandered down to my thighs, squeezing them. 

“I fucking hate you.”

“Goodnight, my love.”


End file.
